Zen Archer (Raconteur)

I am agog with anticipation, unless you are referring to your good self.

Oh Hi.

I hope to f**k you don't work for Pret A Manger.

Nothing will not convince me that you are talking about sex toy.

Do they hand out points before playing the game these days?

We're the Rovers, we don't need to hide.

Nee Clark, I can't recall when she got married.

Lorraine Clark/Watson.

I've posted this before, so here goes. At a meeting there was a woman talking about something or other, but kept revamping her point several times to make it sound like loads of points. My first reaction was 'can she not use verbal punctuation' 'how has she not passed out due to lack of oxygen? she cannot possibly be talking this long and not take a breath' I then progressed to 'will you shut the f**k up' 'Oh no, she's still going, will you shut the f**k up' I continued the pattern until... ...the room went totally quiet and everyone was looking at me, apparently my IM had mission creep and I had verbalised my thoughts.

Advert for Waterpik flosser. 'A toothbrush can't go everywhere' Challenge accepted.

Speak to your neighbours if they have a fancy doorbell, ask if you can play around with their ring.

Where are all the shite tartan shops?

That's some amount of bad luck, all the best to the lad in his recovery.

New matchday parking restriction zone.

Knew 6,scored 7/10 Quiz 283 - British Comedy Quiz - British Comedy Guide

Wrighty is off zorbing after the game.

Signed Ferguson shirt anyone?

If anyone is travelling tomorrow, the only jams are at the Tiso roundabout going North for about 5 miles and the gas pipe project at Dunked which will delay you by around 10 minutes.