Arthur Orton

Of course one of the key men of that series was the explosive Simon Jones who had the ability to reverse swing an old tattie. Vaughan was blessed with a wonderful varied attack who had the ability to take a wicket when it was needed. He was however a tremendous captain and was always looking to attack. It's a shame his injuries took his toll as when he was at his peak he was incredible to watch.

Bowl the ego instead of the spinner on debut. how to boost the boy's confidence skipper. On a side note KP had the ability to bowl a lot more in his test career but never applied himself.

Being a good player does not mean you're a decent coach. Plenty of footballing examples spring to mind. Arguably England's best bowling coach was Troy Cooley who had an absolutely terrible career as a bowler yet was an excellent coach.

Yes that is a fair point as back then you expected a complete pumping and like you say this Oz team is average. 100 all out beckons. Hope Ballance and Stokes can make a few though.

Maybe Ballance will bring equilibrium to the England line up. All out for 150 I reckon sadly. I haven't watched shite like from England this since the mid nineties.

That shambolic leave by Cook and Bell's attempts to get out sum up the England batsmen's performance this series.

I wonder if the ambulance would have put the sirens on?

Ever since the latter days of Hussain and then Vaughan England have been blessed with an excellent attack and great back up from the first or second change bowlers. They consistently performed at a high level and very often bailed out at times lacklustre batting performances. Unfortunately there is nobody to throw the ball at as a first change bowler who will either keep the pressure on or take a wicket. Hopefully Finn gets back into form as he can be that man and a decent spinner is needed as Monty is quite frankly an awful cricketer. Jimmy Anderson looks like he needs a long rest to recuperate and get back to his best form and Broad is another who is always on the verge of injury. I would give Finn and Rankin a shot in Sydney and leave Anderson & Bresnan out.

Kallis is one of the games true greats, a wonderful all round talent. Getting back to the joke that is England, Cook really is a dreadful captain. He had no previous experience of captaincy yet England went down the old route of let's pick our best player to be skipper without any real thought as to his suitability. He is negative and one dimensional and just lets the game drift. As a result of picking Cook their best player is off the boil as the weight of skippering gets him down and as such England have lost their most consistently effective batsman, setting the tone for the rest of the side. Bell has also been shite and has returned to his normal standard of making starts and throwing it away. It's all became a bit stale and England are now a very boring side so for me a change of coach and captain is needed. The selection policy over the last year has been baffling which was epitomised by the inability to find a partner for Cook, despite starting to forge a good partnership with Compton, the selection of Bairstow, the belief that Root is anything other than a number 6 at present and the bewildering decision to take the awful Monty on tour. Furthermore the selection of Bresnan is odd seeing as he is clearly not fit and Tremlett is so knackered and done he shouldn't have been anywhere near the squad. The coaching staff also seem to have wrecked a fantastic talent in Finn who now looks as wayward as Harmison in Brisbane all those years ago., Graham Onions must really have pissed somebody off. Of course the odd selections started a wee while back and who can forget the bizarre inclusion of Woakes and Kerrigan in the last test of the summer which seemed as if the selectors have been on the lash all night. An interesting summer awaits England and we shall see which direction they decide to move in.

Absolutely brainless from Pietersen. He is batting with a guy at the other end who can actually make runs and stick around and he does that. Arsehole.

Looking good for South Africa at the moment in what has been a wonderful test match.

Yes its compelling viewing and its wonderful to see the great Jacques Kallis move closer to 300 test wickets.

It's been an absolute shambles with the exception of day one of the series. The batsman have been collectively diabolical and it has been coming for a while. The bowlers have been exceptional for years and have covered for the indifferent batting until this series. With Jimmy off song and Swann looking like he hasn't recovered his rhythm post operation this could well end up a five nil humiliation. Some of these guys need to have a long hard look at themselves.

Tupper was brilliant. He would stop a bank robbery on the way to the track, run five miles to get their in time and demolish a couple of pies before winning the 400 metres.

Would the ambulance have used its sirens?

Blackadder Fawlty Towers Still Game Phoenix Nights Frasier

As long as you don't end up board.

For anyone who wishes to read an absolutely hilarious book about cricket I recommend Penguins Stopped Play by Harry Thompson. Also Fatty batter isn't a bad read and of course any of Bumbles efforts are worth a look as are any of Aggers.

So does anyone agree that Mike Denness is the best Scotsman ever to play test cricket?

aussie Michael Bevin is a prime example of someone who was perfect in the short format but didn't have the technique for tests. I had the misfortune to live in Australia for a bit when they were dominating so I'm loving it seeing them struggle. As for Shane Warne's comments that really is unbelievable coming from a total cock like him. This is the guy that was banned from cricket for being a drug cheat, binned as vice captain of his country for sending explicit text messages to a nurse, fought with a bunch of youths who pictured him smoking when he had signed a six figure deal to stop smoking with a leading smoking cessation company, was heavily involved and fined in the bookmaker scandal, was recently almost involved in a brawl in a T20 match plus all the other shit he has got up to over the years. Shane Warne is a total c**t of a man and for him to describe anyone's behaviour as crass and arrogant shows a complete lack of insight into his own behaviour over the last 20 years. The ultimate bad loser and I hope he continues to seethe for years to come the arrogant, botoxed, hair transplanted, teeth whitened bawbag.

Absolutely spot on. When I saw the line up yesterday it was a case of sheer disbelief. I have no idea the rational behind it and it's proved to be bloody disastrous. It's meant to be the team getting pumped 3-0 that makes desperate changes. Woakes has never improved on what we was a couple of years ago and Kerrigan is nowhere near ready - he made Peter Such look like Derek Underwood. Tremlett took all five wickets that fell today and I can't believe they didn't let him or Finn loose in this test. So much for building up momentum ahead of the winter. The selectors deserve a boot in the balls for this shambles.

Why, because unlike you I find it deplorable to celebrate the death of someone just because they're a soldier?

I think Panesar's off field behaviour will possibly do for him long term. Can't see him coming back unless he get's himself sorted out.

You should have told him your joke about lions only being in Kenya.

A couple of thoroughly disgusting posts. Despicable.