BFTD

FTL: Faster Than Light - just started playing this again. Possibly as close to being the perfect game as you're going to get, and a full playthrough only takes a couple of hours. One of those games you can play again and again. Only £6.99 on Steam, and an absolute must-buy at that price. They've added a bunch of new content since last I played too, which hasn't hurt the gameplay at all, which is the worry with anything so well balanced. Seriously, just buy the damned thing and thank me later. Also, give DoomRL a try too. I'm not a fan of these ASCII Roguelikes, no doubt because I'm a graphics whore, but they added Doom graphics and sound effects to this one and it makes a massive difference. Tremendously good fun to play, and it's FREE - http://doom.chaosforge.org/

Hi folks - hope you're all doing OK. My son was diagnosed with autism earlier this week, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be having these problems if I'd done a better job when he was younger. His mum spent six months in intensive care when he was in nursery, and that's when his symptoms started to manifest. Not handling it well.

f**k's sake, I thought this was a Friday night thing for some reason Next week, then.

We had a couple of (I think) swifts make a nest next to our back door a few years back, and the silly buggers would fly into the house whenever the door was opened. Instead of a mop, I was chasing them around the house with a tea towel. They moved on to pastures new after a few months, then returned last summer for a while and pulled the same trick. Frankly, I was getting to the point of just leaving a window open and letting them do what they wanted, but I didn't they'd survive long with our cats. Going to put a ritzy bird house up a few metres from the door in the hope they get the message upon their inevitable return.

Good to see Wasps1 is back on tour. Only £18.50 for an evening with the man and the sources only he can hear

I heard that on the telly the other day, but didn't see what it was for. It's shut the FRONT door, FFS. Back door just sounds like you're chastising someone for dropping a load

Well, we've been asking for a big lad for a while...hopefully he's actually good with his head. I mind the Falkirk fans absolutely raging about Roberts being a c**t a year or two back. Quite a gamble. I guess he can be punted back to Angus if he causes trouble again.

At least they will willing to give you a sporting chance.

Make your own sammich, you lazy neanderthal

Each to their own. I'm not one to judge the preferences of others. ( )

The Believers - 80s Martin Sheen movie about a voodoo cult sacrificing children. This reminded me of both The Exorcist and Rosemary's Baby for some reason, but it's nowhere near as good as either. Doesn't help that the opening scene is made amusing by Sheen's hysterical reaction. It's an acceptable watch if you've nothing better to do, but it doesn't really go anywhere and frankly feels like a silly overreaction to something in the news at the time, like the whole Satanic Panic thing. Trust - family drama by Ross from Friends about a teenage girl who's groomed by an internet predator, and the effect this has on everyone involved. It feels like an information piece about the process that families go through in this kind of situation, as opposed to the wake-up-call shocker Megan is Missing, and it's pretty good. Acting is believable for the most part, and it deliberately subverts most of the tropes that you'd expect from this sort of film. It also (very) briefly touches on the hypocrisy of the advertising industry (in which father Clive Owen works), where pubescent girls are sexualised for our enjoyment on a regular basis. The ending may come across as a bit of a let-down, but fits perfectly with the rest of the film. Not bad at all.

I think this shift away from using simple fractions for reporting the time is a mental arithmetic thing. Until recently, it was just the way everyone was taught to think of time, but kids don't seem to be taught to perform these quick standard calculations now. The same seems to be true of reporting the time in "minutes to" the hour. Last couple of times I've been asked the time, I've been looked at like an alien when I responded, say, "25 to 4". I think the accepted form among younger folks would be 3:35. Works the other way too; there are plenty of older folk who struggle with the 24-hour clock on bus timetables and the like. Americans seem to have big problems with it too - I was told several times that only servicemen use it, and it's called "military time" over there.

I had the stock cube at the ready, but I think Joyce would've served me up in the pies for the Hibs game. Folks in front of me seemed to be enjoying it, though.

Ooft. Didn't you boys have a big lead just a wee while ago?

Sorry to Grammar Nazi, but It's spelt E-L-E-C-T-R-O-C-U-T-I-O-N.

Speaking of Traci Lords, I watched a bunch of her dodgy teenage porn movies The Tommyknockers the other day, which was the first Stephen King book that I read when it was new out. It's pretty faithful to the book, but is plagued by the usual King problem of the written word being hard to translate to moving pictures. The acting is almost universally dreadful (except for CSI's Marg Helgenberger, pre-silicon and collagen), and the whole thing comes across as very silly indeed, á la Dreamcatcher. Still worth a look for the comedy value, although it's nowhere near as funny as The Langoliers.

Tax return submitted - time to celebrate with a sensational victory over the Hearts! deep pounding in the bitter cold. Also, time for the annual resolution to keep better track of the business through the year Edited for truth

Fixed; please pass on!

Used by shitebags to deflect from their scumbaggery. This guy kens the score:

Think she needs her radio repaired? My horror movies references are the key to my success with the ladies

A trip to the gynaecologist awaits, I fear.

Nuts & Zoo are still going? Swear I read they'd gone out of business due to the internet. Must be enough pensioners still buying to keep them going. And, curry lovers? You've killed the nerve endings in your mouths; that's why they don't seem as fiery as they used to. Glad to help!

I'd no idea that men watched property programmes. You live and learn.

Near enough

Wow, this has happened a couple of times lately. Genuinely touched. Where's the Sarge to call me a c**t? The wean just arrived back down for a tearful apology and a quick game of Zombie Prom, so all's well