BFTD

Good shout. The boys from La Liga were looking on jealously IMO, as they weren't nominated, and don't look as good in a dress. Sair yin.

£25 is my going rate, but you could probably haggle me down at a pinch.

It seems to work for me quite well. Handful of change whenever I have an alfresco lunch

Watch out for the Ebola-laced pictures of "lassies".

I remember someone posting that Dominos in general don't keep a lot of miscellaneous stock like wedges on the premises, so they run out quite regularly, and it's accepted practice to nip out to the local Lidl/Aldi. Probably better quality than the ones they buy wholesale anyway

I'm picturing yon vaulting laddie from the King Kong remake swooping down onto your boat, and away into the night while you were sleeping. Anything less will be a disappointment. Why would they catch Ebola from your wallet anyway...?

On the cock. That'll learn him.

Don't see why they couldn't. If it's good enough for Dominos... http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/domino-pizza-staff-caught-buying-3790563 I love the outrage. How much do they think Dominos spend on their own wedges? Best is when you go to somewhere like KFC and they tell you they've no chicken. Why the hell are you open then?

So it is, sorry. Was too busy trying to work out who the lassie is.

What's going on here?

Yowza. I was thinking that the sunbathing German seemed most likely, but Dietmar Hamann was already away by that point.

Love Eternal Sunshine. Not my kind of film at all, but I definitely felt like I was being seduced. Had a very French feel to it. Couldn't help but hope that Jim Carrey managed to get another chance at getting things right with the Winslet girl. Also the first time I realised that Carrey was capable of doing more than gurning like a loon. I like me some Kirsten Dunst, but was the scanty undies bouncing scene really anything to write home about? More spankworthy material in Spider-Man TBH. I'm a romantic at heart, believe it or not. Edit: Doha've a good time in the Emirate, Mozza. Any chance of catching a Saqr match while you're there?

The Royal Mail's website in general. More specifically, the Online Postage facility. Been shite since they 'upgraded' a few years ago. Today's gripe is that way that it handles the AutoFill on subdivided addresses. Enter the postcode and house number, and you'll be asked which flat you want to send to. The site then enters 'Flat X' in the appropriate section. You don't find out until later that the word 'Flat' is automatically prepended to anything included in that box, so your label ends up addressed to 'Flat Flat X' Also, people on eBay who don't know how to spell their own names or addresses. What in the actual f**k.

No fair, you've already had one reformation! (allegedly) That lassie did have nice cans o' ham. Where can said picture be located for...umm...historical purposes?

Worth bearing in mind when you read something outrageous about a part of the world you've never heard of: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-30773297 Utter shite. Birmingham, a beautiful city, indeed

That'll teach you for getting the lassies from Ann Summers to fit your central heating. It's all fun and games until you realise that your radiators have a better sex life than you do. Does Div have a machine for reforming unwanted posters, like pork sandwich meat? Can I come back as Mozza please?

Been up all night wanking with a raging headache, again. Bollocks to it, me and the cat are having some bacon. How the hell does a sleeping cat tell the difference between a packet of bacon being opened and anything else anyway?

Gotcha

Pass the message on folks, I'm sure he'll be happy to comply

Had forgotten that she won an Oscar, despite having a bit of a thing for her back in the day. Apparently she's a wee bit crazy, which always helps with the sexy

East Stirlingshire have a Norwegian supporters club. Anything's possible. Should get the wife's family to start up a Wasps Club in Arizona. Would be fucking hilarious to see their faces when they saw the Recs.

Took me a bit of dicking around, but you have to change the DNS settings on your router to make the website think you're in the US. You can find free DNS servers to point to, but Netflix block them regularly (apparently), so there are places that you can pay for access to DNS servers which are guaranteed to work. I signed up with Unblock-US but others are available. Then, you just go to the NetFlix app (or website) and the US selection comes up. You'll know the difference as the recommended titles will be full of stuff that doesn't come up in the UK. It's one of those loopholes that NetFlix currently don't give a shit about. They have licences to show certain titles in certain regions, but no doubt they tell the licencees that they've taken steps to restrict access from other regions (which they have), and that'll continue until the right holders start kicking up a big stink about it. In other words, they don't ban anyone for doing this

A Love-in? An Impotence? A Disgruntlement? Those are all shite; I give up.

Wee tip: at this time of day, only some of the films are running. Buy a ticket, then nip into one of the empty theatres

Debenhams has changed since I was a lad. You sure you weren't drinking perfume?