Monster

Green things!

Happy Birthday Bert, ya dick! My RTBC today - just about to go for an Indian meal. Yowza.

I live with a sea view, which is lovely but in turn means I never get any snow.

We were there last Sunday, there were folk queueing outside it at a quarter to twelve in the morning. The wife was wanting to see the fucking tree but we don't queue for pubs, so we fucked off to The Standing Order for a pint of real ale. Then we left when the sectarian singing started.

The Rangers. The gift that just keeps on giving.

Diddy cup anyway.

Off to the rugger today at Rugger Park. Quite the jolly day for it, too! (Just to blend in I've changed my name by deed poll to Finlay) "Play up, you burly North British rugger chaps!"

Aye, she is a moany old bat right enough.

#cheekynandos #baller #thelads #ayianapa

Bob Geldof. This shitgibbon is reportedly worth THIRTY TWO million quid, and he's all over the telly again get fired into the public and demanding we buy the new band aid single because him and his shite celeb pals are going to single-handedly cure ebola. This despite participating in a similar tax avoidance scheme that got Tory c**t Gary Barlow vilified by the media.

That would be McGeady then? I've seen some quality meltdowns on Twitter, including "racism", and "why weren't they booing their goalscorer for being born in Indonesia"? Look, if you're going to choose to be a faux-Irish bigot so you can wallow in your oppression, at least try to make that oppression appear remotely credible, eh? It's a nasty wee reminder that despite the really good feeling of a progressive new country in the making post-referendum with real change in the air, we still have these bigot fucks on either side of a medieval fence tediously claiming it's all the other lots fault.

Found it. Maximo Park - Leave This Island. Happy days!

There's a song I'm trying to remember the name of but can't, by a band I can't remember. Heard it on the Indie section of Blinkbox and now I've forgotten and it's doing my head in. Band starts with an 'M' I think. *rage*

The Manic Street Preachers. Such a wonderful band. I wish I had appreciated them more in my younger days.

Had to phone O2 for a PAC code for my step-brother today. Had all the details of the phone and contract, so to save time and effort I pretended to be him. My acting skills mustn't be what they used to be - cue phone call from the Fraud Squad, red-faced explanations and a ticking off from an irate gentleman on the other end of the phone (although I suspect he was trying hard not to laugh).

Naw, pains are unrelated. Went to the quack earlier, trapped hair follicle, all impacted now, week of antibiotics. Job done!

Shame you're not size 12, or I could will you my trainers.

Magnesium what now??? I'll just wait for a medical professional's opinion, cheers..... Nothing I'd love more than a chat about fascinating skin diseases! I was in Carluke last Saturday. It's what I'd imagine Liberia to be like, but with more drizzle.

Maybe he wants the child to learn from his own mistakes, stay off drugs and live an Athletic lifestyle?

I will go when I can get an appointment, but it's likely going to clash with my retirement party at this rate. Not an abcess, on the outside of my cheek. Probably an ingrown hair that's got infected or something. Still in a good mood.

I've got a massive swelling on the side of my face (no, it's not from swedging), my shoulders and thighs are agony and I can barely move. Despite this, I'm in the best mood I've been in for months, an unexplainably great mood. You know how you're in a good mood for no reason and start chuckling to yourself all day? Got some strange looks come to think of it. Very strange looks, to be fair.

Aye, what kind of sad f**k collects shoes.

I've recently been touring fairgrounds often and playing a lot of the games on the stalls. Now I've got a low grade fever and i think I might have contracted tombola.

Scotland's opening goal last night. Could watch that over and over again. Class.

You're not ginger and people don't send you anthrax in the post. Wait, it's Sweet Pete. Well, you're not ginger anyway. Small mercies and whatnot.