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Monster

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Everything posted by Monster

  1. Monster
    I've just thought of one. Canadian tennis player Milos Raonic. I hate his stupid wedge haircut, I hate his face but most of all I hate his freakishly huge calves and the way he slams his feet down when he walks. I genuinely despise him for the aforementioned spurious reasons.
  2. Monster
    Murray beat Isner with immaculate tennis. The willpower and mental strength needed to hold every service game against Isner was incredible. Isner served 21 aces in three sets, and his fastest serve in the match was 141 mph. Murray just kept holding serve with a huge number of very solid rallies and then went up a gear in the deciding tie break. Great match, thoroughly enjoyed it.
  3. Monster
    It's quite amusing given that Haribo Golden bears will doubtless ride them like Shergar in the next round.
  4. Monster
    Ronnie Dellia. Good for much hilarity until he's hunted at Christmas.
  5. Monster
    Four one. Bwahahahhaaha.
  6. Monster
    For full heroic status take the neighbours weans with you so you can teach them it's fun to bully the less fortunate.
  7. Monster
    Pigs In Knickers the lot of them. #pray4rollvictims
  8. Monster
    Mmmmmm.......*choke*........mmmmm........*choke*...........UUURRGGHHH. As long as I avoid a Michael Hutchence, it feels goooooood.
  9. Monster
    Exactly! I'm glad someone got it, it makes me seem somehow slightly less odd.
  10. Monster
    I don't know, but your missus always said she was trying her best to humour you.
  11. Monster
    So, she goes to a hen night. There are penis shaped whistles on the table, they have a naked butler they all get selfies with and presumably they've dirty danced all over the shop. I shag ONE FILTHY PROSTITUTE, and somehow 'our marriage is in trouble'. Fucking sick of women and their double standards.
  12. Monster
    Away and work, you!
  13. Monster
    One of the men playing badminton for the Norfolk Islands looked like he had just come from the pub via the chippy. He was about 50, short and had a significant beer belly. The guy with the vileda mop had to mop the court after almost every point such was the sweat dripping from him. It was great!
  14. Monster
    Women and their histrionics.
  15. Monster
    I was thinking of going out today, but it's uncool to look at the weather, so I'm going to guess and wear my arctic parka. I'm sure I'll be fine.
  16. Monster
    The Commonwealth Games. Even a cynical grumpy old git like me was inspired watching The Norfolk Islands get hammered at badminton.
  17. Monster
    Okay, when I say I'm a terrible dad, I mean terrible like mine was. Y'know, emotionally distant, throws the odd present at you. I didn't mean I'm Rolf Harrissing the wee man or anything. Just making that clear.
  18. Monster
    I'm a fucking terrible dad and I'm not weeping all over this forum like a fucktard. What's the worst that can happen? He's going to put me into a crappy auld folks home? Like I'll live that fucking long anyway. Man up.
  19. Monster
    Have you stopped posting under 'Reynard' these days or was it banned?
  20. Monster
    It seemed they were setting it up for the reddest faced man in the world, Charlie Boorman, to win it. Sophie is odd, but she deserved it, if for no other reason than she gave her children names that won't get them systematically bullied at school. Kinvar? Doone? C'Mon Charlie, your father was in showbiz and you're called Charlie - why f**k your kids over?
  21. Monster
    Beer cold and in the fridge. Fitba on later. Life is sweet.
  22. Monster
    I think the point seems to be they don't actually repair them either.
  23. Monster
    This! He is just useless. Then he pulls out a nice paella (which is basically just throwing stuff in a pot and stirring it) then sheds a wee tear about Jose (who, let's face it, is waaaaay too young for him) and gets through! I quite like his chirpy facade, but he should have been out four rounds ago. Sad to see Amanda Burton gone. You just wouldn't dare go home to that woman with a burst pay packet. Frightening.
  24. Monster
    I keep mine going in case there's an American child gravely ill who needs me to like and share a picture so the surgeon will operate for free. That and candle pictures for cancer. We can't have cancer getting the upper hand through a lack of candle pictures.
  25. Monster
    Oor Greggy has fairly piled on the pounds I notice. Similar to every single other person in history who diets - it all goes back on eventually. Kiki Dee looks for all the world like she's just arrived from a stage version of Tenko. Between that, Tina Hobley's gleaming teeth and Biggins, I'm beginning to feel like this should be called 'Celebrity Panto Masterchef'.
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