Raith Against The Machine

There's always the Old Firm fans (usually from Stonehaven, or Glenrothes) going on about "Glasgow Rangers" and "Glasgow Celtic" on Your Call, too. We all know who Rangers and Celtic are, you really don't have to give us a geographical reference.

Junction 10? Any idea how that's supposed to last, Capy?

Football people describing games that aren't cup finals as "Cup finals". It's not a fucking cup final. It's a play-off semi final. And you've got another one four days later!

The episode of Top Gear that I'm trying to watch online won't load properly. It keeps cutting out

If, by some miracle of miracles, we actually win the league on Saturday, we won't be presented with the trophy, despite the fact we'll be at Hampden Park, with its own wee specialist trophy-giving facilities...

So were we...

The biggest bee you ever did see just flew in my window. Luckily, I'm not afraid of them, because if I was I think there would be a Dunc shaped hole in the door. Size of a bloody hamster, this thing! It's actually quite clever too. Just manoeuvred itself under the blinds and back out the window. I was anticipating about half an hour of it bumbling around.

Having to fill in an application form clearly aimed at management positions, for a shelf stacking job. Also, not having any skills or experience, of any kind. It's a bit of a hindrance.

I'm still waiting for Channel Five.

Without spoiling anything for anyone, MotD looks like its going to be absolutely unmissable tonight. Except, it will be missed, because instead of Match of the Day, us lucky Scotches get to watch Sportscene instead, and what Ally McCoist described as a "bang average game". I'm actually going to the pub, so wouldn't see Match of the Day anyway, but the point still stands.

At least you scored

I fucking love Gossip Girl

My lovely girlfriend bought me 5.1 speakers for my birthday, for my laptop. I've got them all set up here, but they won't work properly It's telling me that the Left Front speaker is working, but its actually coming out the Centre, and while it says the Right Front speaker is working, its coming from the Right Rear. I'm fairly sure I had a similar problem with my desktop with the last speakers I bought, but I can't remember how to fix them. Does anyone know, or will I have to start a thread in e-Chat for some expert advice? FIXED IT

"You wanted to do lunch? Here's some stovies."

I just dropped 6 (SIX!) custard creams on the floor And rolled over one in my computer chair :( Not the sign of a good day :( Just spilled water down me. I think I'm drunk.

That too.

Try poking somebody better looking.

I think they should tell everyone that they might need surgery, because it worked for me too. "That was a bad dislocation, if there's any more pain or discomfort I want you back in for surgery." "IT'S FINE DOC, HONEST!" No pain since. Except, I can't sleep with one arm above my head, but that's not really a massive hindrance in everyday life.

No, it's genuinely two birds, of the winged variety

There seems to be two or more birds right above my window either fighting, shagging, or staging a rave. It's fantastically annoying. I'm trying to watch Big Bang Theory damnit!

It's just not on. I've got to get three things in a row here. Two of them are bees, and the others a honey pot. When I was scratching it off, the top of the honey pot looked like wings. I'm not having it.

Thought I'd won £600 on a scratch-card earlier, just for a split second. Stupid minus temperatures

He's taken his reputation as a lovely, sensible poster, and punted it into the sea.

I'm still reeling from STV's decision not to broadcast live coverage from last year's Fife Cup tomorrow night.

The cross dressing comedian? My PTTGOYN - I was at the worst house party ever last night. It was like that Family Guy where Buzz Killington turns up, except it was at Buzz Killington's house.