Stevie Aitken's Love Child

I've actually know a guy called Paul who has Pol tattooed on his arm, and insists that everyone must spell his name that way. I don't think anyone will be surprised to hear me say that he is a bell-end of the highest order.

In a similar vain, a friend of mine named his first born Camryn. I had a friend in school who was named Graeme (surname not now important). His old man had buggered off when he was in utero, and he had been raised by his mother and her partner, who's surname happened to be Graham. When his mother married his now step-father, Graeme took his surname also.

As far as I am aware, if a loan is from window to window (so August until January for example) then the player cannot be recalled during this time, as technically when the loan takes place, the player is registered to the loan club as their player. This means that if was recalled, he couldn't then be re-registered to his parent club before the next transfer window opens. This seems to not be the case with emergency loans, which don't seem to follow any sort of rules, other than length of loan.

You would think so, but I have to use one most days of the week, much to my dismay. The reason - banks in Britain will not accept documents via email, as that's too insecure. So i need to either fax or post instructions to them, which is of course so much more secure than sending via a secure email server. Some people live in the fucking dark ages, I'm telling you.

My colleague - sitting not 5 feet from me right now I might add - prints off every email that he receives before working on them. 4 years of mocking him for it hasn't changed him, so I just let him be now.

Not sure if it has been brought up yet, but are your under 20s playing at Murray Park this season? Our official site is saying that our Development squads are playing there tonight, is that right?

Would love it if the job went to Johann de Kock. From one p***k to another.

Turns out that Tidser signed for Oldham on loan.

What an absolute cretin he is. He's actually married too, to what appears to be a fairly normal, decent looking woman. How does that even happen?

The fourth signing appears to be Michael Tidser, who will be returning on loan from Rotherham until January, however you are in a battle with Scunthorpe United to sign him.

Augsburg 2-3 Borussia Dortmund, Friday 29.08.2014. Dortmund totally dominated for 75 minutes of the match, were winning 3-0 which really could have been more, until Augsburg brought on Raul Bobadilla and Tim Matavz for the innefective Nikola Djurdic and Shawn Parker. Bobadilla was causing Dortmund a few problems down the right hand side, and scored what looked to be a consolation goal on 81 minutes, but then Augsburg decided to actually show up, kept pushing until Matavz scored a fantastic header in the 90th minute, and Dortmund looked to be on the rocks, but managed to hold on for the win. I have to say, Augsburg were very disappointing for the majority of the match. They played with such a low tempo, and Daniel Baier, the player who usually make them tick, had an off-day, however when he picked up the ball around the centre circle, he didn't have a team-mate within 30 yards of him most of the time. Werner, Altintop, Parker and Djurdic were all poor, and it really took the introduction of Bobadilla go get them going. Dortmund's attacking trio of Mkhitaryan, Reus and Aubameyang ran the show, but as a team they looked vulnerable when they were actually put under pressure in the last 15 minutes. They were missing the likes of Hummels, Schmelzer, Gündogan and Sahin, so they should get stronger and stronger.

Driving the 2 and a half hours to Augsburg tonight for the game against Dortmund. Looking forward to it, should be a decent game, just hope it's a little different to the same fixture last season, which ended in a 4-0 away win.

c**t turd

We've also just sold Bachirou to some Swedish mob for £20k. Oh and by the way, the fee or Tidser was £60k...still shite mind you.

Grant Russell ‏@STVGrant Livingston's SPFL registration embargo is because of a "default in HMRC payments", STV can reveal. http://bit.ly/1p1xzyO ................................... The Livinsgton way...

Folks, how did Declan McManus get on in his loan spell at The Rec last season? He has apparently signed on loan for Morton, to cover our current striker shortage.

Never got to Boghead, which is a real regret of mine. When Clydebank were playing there, we were due to play them there but the match was postponed something like 4 times. I was of course going to every game, until the final re-arranged fixture, when I couldn't effing go!

I went along to watch a pre-season friendly between Schalke and Stoke City on Tuesday night in Kufstein, Austria, 5 minutes walk from the office. Finished 2-1 to Schalke, their goals being scored by Joel Matip and Tranquillo Barnetta, after Stoke had taken the lead through new signing, and former Barcelona "wonderkid" Bojan Krkic. Stoke's Austrian international Marko Arnautovic had missed a penalty in the first half, which looked like justice to me as he took a bit of a dive to win the pen in the first place. Decent enough game, with both sides fielding strong teams. Couple of points to make: Marko Arnautovic looks to be about a stone overweight. He made Charlie Adam look anorexic. Peter Crouch looks ****ing ridiculously tall close up Ryan Shawcross and Robert Huth are about the most formiddable looking centre half partnership that I've ever seen Bojan is going to be wasted in that Stoke team. In the land of the giants, he looked like a midget!

Rumour has it that Stephen Husband will be signing for Morton this week. I see that he played a lot for you guys last season, and reason why he was released?

Morton are playing Queens in a bounce game today, any idea where it's being played?

I failed my sand pit playing exam by 2 bloody marks

So today I have a member of the full-time mummy brigade congratulating their friend's son on 'graduating from nursery'. Seriously, is that a thing? What do you need to do to graduate from nursery? Be really good at finger painting?

Words fail me.