Ebanda's Handyman Services

I should have moved away too but indulged my perverse desire to stand there and be annoyed by the daft, and at times, downright embarrassing shouts that were angrily screeched in the direction of the squad.

I heard some amount of shite being shouted in the direction of the players and bench yesterday.

They're all playing SAFC in pre-season friendlies?

Nah! Don't bother with that carry on. Women love nothing more than a wee "well done, eh!" with a pat on the head and a tentative enquiry as to when they'll feel like having sex straight after giving birth. Give it a wee try and let us know how you get on.

Mena Suvari. Braw or Naw?

Talking of taking kids to the football. My wee boy was 1yr & 2months old when he went to his first game, a 5-2 win over QP at Hampden. He doesn't go that often just now as he'd rather go to his grandparents on a Saturday. I encourage this as I'd lost all of my grandparents by the time I was eleven and think quite a bit how I wish I'd been able to spend a lot more time with them.

Anyone else think the one on the left looks like Rory Mcilroy in a blonde wig?

A wee walk? There's always something interesting going on somewhere.

He's by far the easiest person to get a reaction from on P&B. Paranoid too. Look at how quickly he went on the defensive at my UoL posts as if they were directed at him.

Five words and still had to edit! D'oh!

Too long. Didn't read.

Hold on while I go trawling P&B to gain the evidence you desire. Im definitely going to do that so stay on this thread and I'll be back in a wee bit, ok?

Yeah, I only attended high school for 1 year. Good one! You'll be up to your nuts in bespectacled, heifer American guts with that wit on you, man! Edit due to seeing Fudge's reply after I posted, not because I fucked my post up:- Some people use it quite seriously in the hope that it makes them sound like some sort of intelligentsia.

^^^ University of Editing every post he ever makes because he is too thick to get a simple sentence correct first time. Put that on a hoody, hermit boy.

The description 'University of Lifer'. Massively overused on here by insecure people with a higher opinion of themselves than they probably should have to describe someone that they perceive as being a wee bit less cultured/intelligent than them. Wind your necks in you complete fannies.

Just got this email. Seems genuine enough but I can't understand how he works on the computer for fourteen hours a day when his arms don't work so I'll assume that he simply mashes his face on the keyboard and hopes for the best. I'll completely ignore the fact that he already has a leccy wheelchair in the attached photo that he appears to be controlling by the fingers on the end of his arms that do not work. Please do not blame me for this request, I don't have an alternative. I believe that thanks to you, I will have an electrical wheelchair and thus the opportunity more or less normally live in this world. I have been bedridden for long 20 years (after the heavy injury – fracture of 4 cervical vertebras with further transplantation of one of them). My legs and arms don't work, but I don't ask alms, I work for 14 hours per day at the computer, as my fingers don't obey me well. There is nobody to help me, as my parents deceased 10 years ago, I don't have any other relatives. A woman, who is a stranger, takes care of me, she is 53 years old, I am 35. I am worried about her health, it is too difficult to move me by hands, as I am 2 meters tall. I have myself collected some amount of money for an electrical wheelchair, but it is not enough for buying it, as it costs 4350 $ (USD) . (32 000 гривен) Excuse me, English, I do not know, write to me, please, on an e-mail I will translate through on-line is a translator and you I will answer and will bequeath. Thank you for understanding.

People are full of good advice for raising kids. The fact is, if you have a brain in your head you will be able to give your kids a good grounding and when they get to a certain age their own will power will come in to play when faced with opportunities both good and bad.

Is the ripping just not on or is it not just not on? I'm confused.

Brilliant word. Hope the op gets his cash back and good on him for running the obvious risk of a ripping to warn others. I ordered a new pair of Adidas from Sportsdirect.com last week and they were here within two days. Give them a wee try. Sportsdirect.com I mean, not my trainers.

Aye! "Oh chick (women call each other chick these days) you should tweet Victoria Beckham a picture of them! They're amazeballs!!" Chick walks out of the room... "Holy f**k! Does she get hand-me-downs from Doink?!"

One of the major differences between men and women. If a man wore a shite pair of shoes/trainers, their pals would rip the f**k out of them for their bad taste. If a woman wore a pair of luminous green clown shoes with a wee red pom pom on the toes her pals would be accepting if this and possibly even try to convince her that she was the height of fashion. In short, women are mental.

The only thing that'd have made Thomson's fighting attempt funnier is if the taxi driver caught him flush on the freckles and dropped him like a tonne of bricks. With the revelation that the ferret story might be true, I'm left wondering if the captain of the Costa Concordia DID actually trip up and fall in to a departing lifeboat.

Brilliant stuff, Dan! Excellent seeing these again. Didier Agathe was some player.

I thought the bit at the beginning of tonight's show where the polis pulled over the driver to trick him into inhaling helium was hilarious. That was the highlight of the show though.