Depression

[velo army]

8 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

I honestly dont know more about why. I say I am not a touchy feely person but my kids are climbing over me all the time and wanting cuddles etc. They are my kids though.... Totally different to any other human. I cant pinpoint when this started for me but I tend to make some situations noticably awkward like at Christmas if folk pile into my house and everyone is cuddling il stay seated or find some way to act like I just missed it.

I genuinely cant explain it and its with everyone except my wife and kids.
 

And maybe you don't have to explain it, especially if it doesn't feel wrong to you.

It sounds like you have boundaries around physical affection, but don't feel like you have permission to state them. It's probably the most empowering thing you can do for yourself, but it's hard. Telling someone that you'd rather not hug, but would maybe prefer a handshake, is tough as you may be afraid of hurting their feelings (which are theirs, and not your responsibility). As men we're expected to be fine with all physical affection and we treat our own needs around it as if it's a huge indulgence.  

So aye, it's utterly fine to only want to hug certain people. Consent and boundaries aren't just for women, we need to honour our own too.

 

[gav-ffc]

I can’t remeber when I last posted on here but I’m sure it was after I came off my medication myself ( fluoxetine) and was doing well. 

Last month (probably longer) I’ve been feeling awful but masking it big time, feeling run down both physically and mentally and exhausted all the time but can’t sleep and I’ve came to the assumption it’s stress. 

Work isn’t great but I need it to keep me sane as being off makes me worse so I’ve ruled that out for being a big issue (maybe doing too many hours but cut down this year)

Not has a break in terms of our daughter, last time someone else watched her for us was  early December and as much as I love her with all my heart she can be hard work, been up every night for what feels like the last month so not getting a full night sleep ever. Her family aren’t much help despite her maw living across the road she sees the bairn for about 20 minutes and that’s her away to sit in her housecoat watching tv again. 

Came to a head yesterday when the bairn was screaming in my ear as her as the tv wasn’t getting turned on and the wife was no great help just kept saying no over and over again which set her off big time and I just broke down couldn’t stop crying and screaming into my pillow in pain (mental pain) everything just came to the surface and it didn’t stop for about 20 minutes. 

Wish the bairn hadn’t seen it but it couldn’t be stopped, she grabbed me and I did push her away as i didn’t want to be touched by anything or anyone. Mrs just let her stand there which has annoyed me and didn’t do anything tbh. Later on telling me “that was a bit much wasn’t it” 

Came close to going to the hospital to check myself in but bottled out of it after a shower and some reflection afterwards. 

Caleld the doctors this morning and can’t get an appointment until next Tuesday and don’t know what to do until then. Can’t sleep and when I do it’s only a few hours at a time, when I get to bed my brain is wide awake and can’t shut off at all.

Feeling bit better today but really need some help from the docs to get a night sleep.

 

aaaaaaaand breathe.

[Guest JTS98]

17 hours ago, gav-ffc said:

 

aaaaaaaand breathe.

You bet.

How have you felt since?

[Dons_1988]

I can’t remeber when I last posted on here but I’m sure it was after I came off my medication myself ( fluoxetine) and was doing well. 
Last month (probably longer) I’ve been feeling awful but masking it big time, feeling run down both physically and mentally and exhausted all the time but can’t sleep and I’ve came to the assumption it’s stress. 
Work isn’t great but I need it to keep me sane as being off makes me worse so I’ve ruled that out for being a big issue (maybe doing too many hours but cut down this year)
Not has a break in terms of our daughter, last time someone else watched her for us was  early December and as much as I love her with all my heart she can be hard work, been up every night for what feels like the last month so not getting a full night sleep ever. Her family aren’t much help despite her maw living across the road she sees the bairn for about 20 minutes and that’s her away to sit in her housecoat watching tv again. 
Came to a head yesterday when the bairn was screaming in my ear as her as the tv wasn’t getting turned on and the wife was no great help just kept saying no over and over again which set her off big time and I just broke down couldn’t stop crying and screaming into my pillow in pain (mental pain) everything just came to the surface and it didn’t stop for about 20 minutes. 
Wish the bairn hadn’t seen it but it couldn’t be stopped, she grabbed me and I did push her away as i didn’t want to be touched by anything or anyone. Mrs just let her stand there which has annoyed me and didn’t do anything tbh. Later on telling me “that was a bit much wasn’t it” 
Came close to going to the hospital to check myself in but bottled out of it after a shower and some reflection afterwards. 
Caleld the doctors this morning and can’t get an appointment until next Tuesday and don’t know what to do until then. Can’t sleep and when I do it’s only a few hours at a time, when I get to bed my brain is wide awake and can’t shut off at all.
Feeling bit better today but really need some help from the docs to get a night sleep.
 
aaaaaaaand breathe.

Sounds shit mate. I can only imagine how difficult it must be balancing parenting and a mental health issue, particularly when sleep is deprived.

Is the mrs aware of your health beyond normal parental stress?

[gav-ffc]

22 hours ago, Dons_1988 said:

 

Sounds shit mate. I can only imagine how difficult it must be balancing parenting and a mental health issue, particularly when sleep is deprived.

Is the mrs aware of your health beyond normal parental stress?

 

She’s fully aware of everything that’s happened in the past that’s built up to this, starting age 11 ( now 27)

On 29/01/2019 at 04:17, JTS98 said:

You bet.

How have you felt since?

The Still feeling a bit down but I’ve managed two full nights sleep without waking up for the first time in god knows how long so that’s an improvement.

Doctors appointment next Tuesday can’t come soon enough.

 

[Guest JTS98]

57 minutes ago, gav-ffc said:

 

The Still feeling a bit down but I’ve managed two full nights sleep without waking up for the first time in god knows how long so that’s an improvement.

Doctors appointment next Tuesday can’t come soon enough.

 

Good man.

And well done withe the sleeping. I know from experience that this stuff can lead to a spiral of lack of sleep making it worse.

Are you getting any exercise?

[gav-ffc]

5 minutes ago, JTS98 said:

Good man.

And well done withe the sleeping. I know from experience that this stuff can lead to a spiral of lack of sleep making it worse.

Are you getting any exercise?

I’m always on the move (walking) 

[Guest JTS98]

1 minute ago, gav-ffc said:

I’m always on the move (walking) 

Good stuff.

I had a bad couple of days to the point of getting sent home from work yesterday. Decided to walk it home instead of the bus (about 4 miles) and while it initially just provided more unwelcome thinking time, I did it again today and it perked me right up.

I'm going to become one of these dicks who does home workouts.

[capybara]

Going to try to reduce meds . Currently on 150 Sertraline . Doc says to cut 50mg and we will review in May. I have not had a drink since January. But I can't say I feel any better.

[tirso]

I'm touched by a lot of these issues as well and i think its amazing p&b has this thread.  

i'm  anxious about even discussing this with a doctor.  not even sure what you say to them.  seems hard to me to open up like that.  it's a Scottish man's thing i think.

seems to me keeping yourself busy and having a routine that gets me out the house is the best way to keep it at bay.   when it comes it comes hard though and there's just no way of getting out of it til its passed.  i say passed but it never goes away; just tempered.  

recently ive found a bit of white noise and reading now when i feel it coming on bad.  youtube is good for that kind of thing.  feel for the folk with kids, one thing that i worry about is im sure i will freak out at some point and wouldn't be good at all when kids are there.  its an illness though and i think society is getting better at it.  still a long way to go though.

[Guts]

I know some may not like him or find him funny, but I found this quite interesting to hear from him. Takes a bit to get into it, skip to 12 mins in (usual rubbish at start of podcast/livestream things)

Edited February 18, 2019 by Guts

[D.A.F.C]

I know some may not like him or find him funny, but I found this quite interesting to hear from him. Takes a bit to get into it, skip to 12 mins in (usual rubbish at start of podcast/livestream things)

Worth a watch. I like limmy and have honestly never seen someone capture the essence of someone's character like he can.
I think being depressed lets you see some things for what they are which can be a positive if that makes sense?
You're depressed about something that's usually shite like a job. Is it not weirder to not be depressed about something that's awful?
I find happy clapper people weird as f**k tbh.

[Guts]

3 minutes ago, D.A.F.C said:

Worth a watch. I like limmy and have honestly never seen someone capture the essence of someone's character like he can.
I think being depressed lets you see some things for what they are which can be a positive if that makes sense?
You're depressed about something that's usually shite like a job. Is it not weirder to not be depressed about something that's awful?
I find happy clapper people weird as f**k tbh.

I really like Limmy, a lot of people I meet don't like him though and wanted to put that line as a preface to the video incase someone would dismiss the video because it's him. 

That makes sense although I have never and would never have thought about it like that haha!

I always feel happy clapper types must be fake.

 

[Dons_1988]

2 hours ago, tirso said:

I'm touched by a lot of these issues as well and i think its amazing p&b has this thread.  

i'm  anxious about even discussing this with a doctor.  not even sure what you say to them.  seems hard to me to open up like that.  it's a Scottish man's thing i think.

seems to me keeping yourself busy and having a routine that gets me out the house is the best way to keep it at bay.   when it comes it comes hard though and there's just no way of getting out of it til its passed.  i say passed but it never goes away; just tempered.  

recently ive found a bit of white noise and reading now when i feel it coming on bad.  youtube is good for that kind of thing.  feel for the folk with kids, one thing that i worry about is im sure i will freak out at some point and wouldn't be good at all when kids are there.  its an illness though and i think society is getting better at it.  still a long way to go though.

Glad you found this thread, a lot of good people on here to bounce things off.

I'd get to the doctor though, it's not as bad as you think.  Just don't expect them to have an instant solution straight away.  Everyone's experience of mental health issues is different so it's not as easy as just getting the right pill (in my opinion).

Keep talking and read through this thread, lots of different experiences and ways of dealing with things which hopefully helps you find the right thing for you.

[Raidernation]

Guess what?
Last weekend I relapsed big time.
I have spend a few days in hospital, a lot of times feeling worthless but I am making positive moves.
Spoke to my therapist and was honest. On release from hospital (aye that severe)!was given a list of IOP, PHP, or inpatient options.
Today I stared PHP(partial hospitalization plan) which basically means I attend groups all day but get to home at night.
So far(day one) but so good. I like the facility, I like the people, my daughters support me doing this, work is trying to find a way to push me out on non-medical issues but they are fishing.
I am hopeful this will work

[tirso]

On 2/18/2019 at 14:29, Dons_1988 said:

Glad you found this thread, a lot of good people on here to bounce things off.

I'd get to the doctor though, it's not as bad as you think.  Just don't expect them to have an instant solution straight away.  Everyone's experience of mental health issues is different so it's not as easy as just getting the right pill (in my opinion).

Keep talking and read through this thread, lots of different experiences and ways of dealing with things which hopefully helps you find the right thing for you.

thanks for the reply.  yeah i should; but i'm also worried about getting hooked on these tablets as well and if it will change me in other ways.  on balance its probably worth it.  i agree doesnt' seem to be any easy answers.  

[mizfit]

Not really wrote on this for a while, but I think I need to vent.

 

Last year I moved in with my girlfriend. It was good, I had a good job and I was genuinely happy.

 

This year though seems to have smacked me in the face.

 

My job was punted and I was slapped back into a dead end job.

 

 

My girlfriend also seems to have developed this habit of not tidying up, and leaving everything lying at her arse. This has tonight resulted in me having a breakdown and screaming at her over not doing dishes.

 

I genuinely feel at my lowest ebb in a while.

 

[Bairnardo]

Not really wrote on this for a while, but I think I need to vent.
 
Last year I moved in with my girlfriend. It was good, I had a good job and I was genuinely happy.
 
This year though seems to have smacked me in the face.
 
My job was punted and I was slapped back into a dead end job.
 
 
My girlfriend also seems to have developed this habit of not tidying up, and leaving everything lying at her arse. This has tonight resulted in me having a breakdown and screaming at her over not doing dishes.
 
I genuinely feel at my lowest ebb in a while.
 

Dont be too hard on yourself for losing the rag over something that may seem trivial in hindsight. This is a tad simplistic for this thread maybe, but I am a big believer in the occasional need to vent, and it happens over the silliest things sometimes. Aye it feels horrible at the time. I can mind my wife coming in the kitchen to catch me crying my eyes out because I had previously went ballistic my daughter over something but ultimately it helped I think.

[Pride of Lanarkshire]

Honest question here. Not read much of this thread so it might have been covered. Has anyone who have came out of depression . missed the depressed state they were in

[Pride of Lanarkshire]

i know that sounds strange