Depression

[Thereisalight..]

It’s always tough reading about people here who are also struggling. I’ve been feeling even worse than usual the last few days. Honestly think it will be a miracle if I can see out this year. I’ll keep posting here just to vent 

[Genuine Hibs Fan]

3 minutes ago, Thereisalight.. said:

It’s always tough reading about people here who are also struggling. I’ve been feeling even worse than usual the last few days. Honestly think it will be a miracle if I can see out this year. I’ll keep posting here just to vent 

Don't just vent my man! There's a lot of good advice and story swapping in this thread as well, folk who'll do a lot to give you a hand! 

It's been sad reading some of your comments in here recently, losing a parent is something I genuinely have nightmares about. Grieving is a process but that's not comforting to know when you're going through the emotions of it.

[Thereisalight..]

9 minutes ago, Genuine Hibs Fan said:

Don't just vent my man! There's a lot of good advice and story swapping in this thread as well, folk who'll do a lot to give you a hand! 

It's been sad reading some of your comments in here recently, losing a parent is something I genuinely have nightmares about. Grieving is a process but that's not comforting to know when you're going through the emotions of it.

Thanks for that. Yeah there’s some good people on here. It’s been 10 months of big losses for me and I’m scunnered with life. I’m only carrying on because of my Mum 

[AL-FFC]

35 minutes ago, Thereisalight.. said:

It’s always tough reading about people here who are also struggling. I’ve been feeling even worse than usual the last few days. Honestly think it will be a miracle if I can see out this year. I’ll keep posting here just to vent 

I'm the same on that one cant seem to shake myself out of it, really struggling just now.  I keep going through my head would anyone notice if i wasnt here and i know i wouldnt do anything cause i would bottle it anyway.  I've worked away for the best part of 15 yrs and made a choice to come back and all my friends and family that said get a job back home and i never see anyone and the one person that held me together passed away. Even when i do try to see my pals i feel as if i'm an inconvenience.

apologies just feeling sorry for myself

[D.A.F.C]

7 hours ago, Genuine Hibs Fan said:

Sorry it's been such a long while you've been struggling @D.A.F.C, that video was really interesting and you've painted a good picture about how things have progressed with you. I know you and I had a disagreement recently and I'm sorry if what I said to you felt like a personal attack, it certainly wasn't intended to be.

You're a really good poster most of the time on here, you know your football and have a lot to say that's worth listening to. You're obviously also very resilient, getting over some problems with drinking/drugs and managing to keep going at your work in the face of all the problems you've mentioned. Can only echo what a lot of other folk have said that you need to get out of there for the good of your health. You seem pretty determined to do so now which is great. I'd just say to try and keep that mindset, as it might be difficult to find something right now. Hopefully once you're out of there it'll be easier for you to be more trusting or open with people, you have some really positive hobbies where if you approach them with a new mindset there is community and friendship to be found for sure. I absolutely sympathize with having bad conversations with friends/family about these kinds of things, I remember breaking down to my brother in a particularly rough patch and his response was that I needed to buck myself up and stop letting things get me down. Wasn't very helpful and I resented him for a  good few months because of it. 

I think one of the benefits and downsides at the same time of this site is that a lot of issues are discussed that you wouldn't usually see on a football forum. It's a benefit as there's interesting conversations to be had but a downside as obviously people can have differing levels of skin in the game, interest or general beliefs. It's very easy for things to degenerate into arguments, and people pick sides within that argument. If you're in the minority view it can certainly seem like a pile on (and there sometimes are pile ons here at times).

I think it's important to remember as well that, as we can see on this thread, there's a lot of people on here with some level of mental health issues, so the idea that the usual conflict on here is the mentally stable attacking those struggling with mental health probably isn't as simple as that. It's important for everyone to try (often failing because we're all human) and think about how their posts and posting style can be upsetting or exasperating to folk, not putting expectations on others to immediately and consistently consider our mental health issues when reacting to something we have said. And also there's a fine line between making fun of a bad post or the eccentricities of a poster and outright abuse.  There's obvious exceptions (naming no names) who are just trolls/idiots/best ignored. 

I'd agree the Heads Gone Thread can be uncomfortable reading at times, and does encourage pile ons of folk who have maybe embarrassed themselves a little/used to settle scores. On the other hand though, it can draw attention to stuff like that boy sending PMs to half the other Hibs fans offering square gos, which I think is more than valid to have a laugh at. 

Thanks for taking the time to write that. Gives some good perspectives on what to take seriously.

I really do think that you become what you surround yourself with and spending eight hours a day somewhere that just makes you feel worthless isn’t worth wasting your life on, regardless of money or convenience.

[Thereisalight..]

21 minutes ago, AL-FFC said:

I'm the same on that one cant seem to shake myself out of it, really struggling just now.  I keep going through my head would anyone notice if i wasnt here and i know i wouldnt do anything cause i would bottle it anyway.  I've worked away for the best part of 15 yrs and made a choice to come back and all my friends and family that said get a job back home and i never see anyone and the one person that held me together passed away. Even when i do try to see my pals i feel as if i'm an inconvenience.

apologies just feeling sorry for myself

Sorry to hear that pal. Feel free to vent and get things off your mind! 10 months now I’ve felt like this and I don’t know how much longer I can take it 

[D.A.F.C]

Sorry to hear that pal. Feel free to vent and get things off your mind! 10 months now I’ve felt like this and I don’t know how much longer I can take it 

Have you managed to start any exercise or walks?
I felt like this but couldn't exercise, as i said before it literally took some ex military guy shouting at me on YouTube videos for me to get motivated.
Use all the pain and anger as a tool, its not for everyone but I feel much better having just done some or any exercise.

[Thereisalight..]

16 minutes ago, D.A.F.C said:

Have you managed to start any exercise or walks?
I felt like this but couldn't exercise, as i said before it literally took some ex military guy shouting at me on YouTube videos for me to get motivated.
Use all the pain and anger as a tool, its not for everyone but I feel much better having just done some or any exercise.

Yeah since lockdown began I’ve either walked, hiked or cycled almost every day. Haven’t exercised since Fri as I have no motivation or energy for it. You’re right though, it does make me feel a bit better doing it 

[D.A.F.C]

Yeah since lockdown began I’ve either walked, hiked or cycled almost every day. Haven’t exercised since Fri as I have no motivation or energy for it. You’re right though, it does make me feel a bit better doing it 

Keep it going neebs

[The_Kincardine]

2 hours ago, AL-FFC said:

I'm the same on that one cant seem to shake myself out of it, really struggling just now.  I keep going through my head would anyone notice if i wasnt here and i know i wouldnt do anything cause i would bottle it anyway.  I've worked away for the best part of 15 yrs and made a choice to come back and all my friends and family that said get a job back home and i never see anyone and the one person that held me together passed away. Even when i do try to see my pals i feel as if i'm an inconvenience.

apologies just feeling sorry for myself

I have nothing more sensible to say about your situation than I said before.  However, this is exactly the right place to feel sorry for yourself, mate, so never apologise.  You won't be judged and you won't be ignored.

[harkinsbaldpatch]

Hey guys hope all is well. I've went back onto citalopram after being off it for 7 years, i have had days where I have been driving to work and just start crying, I feel no motivation to do anything, I was big into my ps4 for years, playing games with good storys which would keep my mind occupied but even that now is a chore. Also might be getting made redundant at work, been there 14 years so I'm hoping I will have enough money to keep myself going until I find something else.

[Dons_1988]

Does anyone else get bouts of rage over very little?

I've been seeing this creep back in, getting set off by something very small. And having to talk myself down over a period.

It's absolutely crippling at times and even when I talk myself down I feel crap about myself for hours afterwards.

[Jacksgranda]

19 minutes ago, Dons_1988 said:

Does anyone else get bouts of rage over very little?

I've been seeing this creep back in, getting set off by something very small. And having to talk myself down over a period.

It's absolutely crippling at times and even when I talk myself down I feel crap about myself for hours afterwards.

It happens to me - I now and again completely lose the plot over a minor infraction, but I blame it on my cancer treatment, so I suppose that's not very helpful to you.

[Dons_1988]

10 minutes ago, Jacksgranda said:

It happens to me - I now and again completely lose the plot over a minor infraction, but I blame it on my cancer treatment, so I suppose that's not very helpful to you.

Didn't realise you were going through that min, all the best.

 

[Jacksgranda]

1 minute ago, Dons_1988 said:

Didn't realise you were going through that min, all the best.

 

Ach it's allright, got caught fairly early (I think) and  I get my treatment at the doctor's, so I've been getting seen to, unlike those that need hospital appointments (like our neighbour), who have been left hanging. My wife's cousin's husband hasn't even been looked at yet, must be coming up on 6 months. I've been lucky so far, but thanks for your good wishes.

[Dons_1988]

2 minutes ago, Jacksgranda said:

Ach it's allright, got caught fairly early (I think) and  I get my treatment at the doctor's, so I've been getting seen to, unlike those that need hospital appointments (like our neighbour), who have been left hanging. My wife's cousin's husband hasn't even been looked at yet, must be coming up on 6 months. I've been lucky so far, but thanks for your good wishes.

Glad to hear it.

Now that we've established you're ok, please take your petty physical health issues to another thread. 

[Jacksgranda]

[HooseLee]

On 15/07/2020 at 21:11, Thereisalight.. said:

It’s always tough reading about people here who are also struggling. I’ve been feeling even worse than usual the last few days. Honestly think it will be a miracle if I can see out this year. I’ll keep posting here just to vent 

Sounds a cliche but venting is well worth it.  I take it out on the guitar when it's getting too much.   Ever though about getting a punch bag?  Excellent things for letting off some steam.   Just imagine you are punching everyone you hate...

[SweeperDee]

I’ve came to the conclusion that I’m not very well, and it’s probably very much down to this entire lockdown.

It’s completely snuck up on me, but now with everything easing, I’ve felt like I’ve lost touch with most of my pals. It’s even more prominent after meeting up with this lass I’m seeing and going on a few dates; I just don’t know how to act, this is made worse by the fact I really like her and although she has said she likes me, she’s not 100% sure on what she wants.

I feel like a complete alien around folk now. I’ve been decent throughout my life at reading people, their body language, their tone, everything; but now I think even attempting to read people, and getting anxious about how they truly feel is making me mentally exhausted.

I don’t really know how to expand this further: I just feel a bit paralysed by everything. Little things that were fine to deal with before are now plaguing my mind, and beginning to feel insurmountable. I’ve always considered myself to be comfortable in my own company but I’m beginning to solely exist in my head and I’m not sure if I like it. I don’t know how to snap out of how I feel.

[pandarilla]

I’ve came to the conclusion that I’m not very well, and it’s probably very much down to this entire lockdown.

It’s completely snuck up on me, but now with everything easing, I’ve felt like I’ve lost touch with most of my pals. It’s even more prominent after meeting up with this lass I’m seeing and going on a few dates; I just don’t know how to act, this is made worse by the fact I really like her and although she has said she likes me, she’s not 100% sure on what she wants.

I feel like a complete alien around folk now. I’ve been decent throughout my life at reading people, their body language, their tone, everything; but now I think even attempting to read people, and getting anxious about how they truly feel is making me mentally exhausted.

I don’t really know how to expand this further: I just feel a bit paralysed by everything. Little things that were fine to deal with before are now plaguing my mind, and beginning to feel insurmountable. I’ve always considered myself to be comfortable in my own company but I’m beginning to solely exist in my head and I’m not sure if I like it. I don’t know how to snap out of how I feel.

That sounds quite rough, but you've explained yourself very well, and it sounds like you're very good at recognising the specifics of how you're feeling.

This is the place to post, and hopefully you'll get some reassurance from others who've experienced similar feelings.

Have you been able to get out and about more, now that many of the restrictions have eased?

And are you still living at home with your parents? Or are you on your own?