Depression

[The_Kincardine]

9 minutes ago, SweeperDee said:

I’ve came to the conclusion that I’m not very well, and it’s probably very much down to this entire lockdown.

It’s completely snuck up on me, but now with everything easing, I’ve felt like I’ve lost touch with most of my pals. It’s even more prominent after meeting up with this lass I’m seeing and going on a few dates; I just don’t know how to act, this is made worse by the fact I really like her and although she has said she likes me, she’s not 100% sure on what she wants.

This may not help but my 21 yo (with whom I spent the first 10 weeks of lockdown with -and if you can survive that then you can survive anything) told me last week that she's broken up with her long-term-bloke - a pretty decent Geordie with whom she's been with for two years.  Her reasoning was nothing more than, "I didn't miss him that much and it felt awkward when I met him again".

Similarly, my 19 yo had his gf stay at his maw's from March until last month and they are no longer an item - though they were first loves etc etc.  His reasoning?  "It was all too close and got claustrophobic".

So I'd say to you what I said to them...You have been in an unnatural situation for 3 months or so.  Especially since you're young and used to a healthy social and love life.  Be gentle on yourself.  Take baby steps and reacclimatise slowly.  Don't be harsh and see yourself as the problem but accept that things have changed with some of your pals/lovers.

Love interests aside, I've noticed my three have lost a couple of 'constant' friends which they had before and I know my youngest feels left out of  a group she was 'in' but is no longer.

You're a decent bloke so just take your time.

[SweeperDee]

10 hours ago, pandarilla said:

That sounds quite rough, but you've explained yourself very well, and it sounds like you're very good at recognising the specifics of how you're feeling.

This is the place to post, and hopefully you'll get some reassurance from others who've experienced similar feelings.

Have you been able to get out and about more, now that many of the restrictions have eased?

And are you still living at home with your parents? Or are you on your own?

I've been working throughout this entire lockdown, and I've been enjoying it, since I've been around work colleagues and clients, however coming back to my own place gets me quite down. It never used to be that way, but like I said since the start of this lockdown I've been catching myself dreading being alone. 

The only person I've seen since the easing of restrictions has been this lass; I am seeing one of my pals in Perth today for a few pints so that should help. I have a slight fear I'm going to breakdown a bit to him, not that he'd mind since he's a good pal. 

I've always advocated for this thread, it's been a source of comfort and camaraderie for me many times throughout the years, and I'm sure a lot of other posters will say the same thing.  

[SweeperDee]

10 hours ago, The_Kincardine said:

This may not help but my 21 yo (with whom I spent the first 10 weeks of lockdown with -and if you can survive that then you can survive anything) told me last week that she's broken up with her long-term-bloke - a pretty decent Geordie with whom she's been with for two years.  Her reasoning was nothing more than, "I didn't miss him that much and it felt awkward when I met him again".

Similarly, my 19 yo had his gf stay at his maw's from March until last month and they are no longer an item - though they were first loves etc etc.  His reasoning?  "It was all too close and got claustrophobic".

So I'd say to you what I said to them...You have been in an unnatural situation for 3 months or so.  Especially since you're young and used to a healthy social and love life.  Be gentle on yourself.  Take baby steps and reacclimatise slowly.  Don't be harsh and see yourself as the problem but accept that things have changed with some of your pals/lovers.

Love interests aside, I've noticed my three have lost a couple of 'constant' friends which they had before and I know my youngest feels left out of  a group she was 'in' but is no longer.

You're a decent bloke so just take your time.

Thanks for the kind words Kinky.

I'm 25, 26 in September, not a wee laddie anymore so I guess I just expect a little more from myself, rightly or wrongly. I'll bear the baby steps approach in mind though, I'm sure plenty of folk are having harder times acclimatising to this new normal.  

[Venti]

Anyone feeling weirdly super anxious when things are starting to be 'normal'?

I am.

[SweeperDee]

Anyone feeling weirdly super anxious when things are starting to be 'normal'?
I am.

I went for a haircut and was shitting myself, not through fear of catching anything, just anxiousness overall.

[Venti]

1 minute ago, SweeperDee said:

I went for a haircut and was shitting myself, not through fear of catching anything, just anxiousness overall.

I'm getting pure hunners of phonecalls/interviews all happening at once. I should be glad.

Guess lockdown's fucked us all up.

Stay strong brothers.

[Bairnardo]

Only putting this in here clause it's a serious thread. Could be in infuriating things your partners do, but as I am about to come across as a right heartless bastrd.....

Someone at Mrs Bs work died recently. Someone who she, at best, were friendly enough colleagues who maybe text eachother back and forth but never socialised outside work. At worst, this person was a bit of an arse and a bully and ultimately Mrs B left rather than lut up with their shite. So we are talking someone who was not much more than a colleague.

Well Mrs B is now in her third day of full on moping about, crying, whining about it all etc. Its absolutely getting on my tits, and I know that sounds harsh but I am coming to the point...

See since I lost both my parents, I have a full on empathy bypass for stuff like this. Not like if someone loses family or a best pal, I actually feel fully worse for them, but see stuff like this, I genuinely feel like saying "what the f**k sort of loss is this to whine at me about?" Its like I rank a loss, deem it as nothing compared to what I have suffered then dismiss it. I honestly cant help it, and its total woe is me behaviour. Shite.

[Stellaboz]

1 minute ago, Bairnardo said:

Only putting this in here clause it's a serious thread. Could be in infuriating things your partners do, but as I am about to come across as a right heartless bastrd.....

Someone at Mrs Bs work died recently. Someone who she, at best, were friendly enough colleagues who maybe text eachother back and forth but never socialised outside work. At worst, this person was a bit of an arse and a bully and ultimately Mrs B left rather than lut up with their shite. So we are talking someone who was not much more than a colleague.

Well Mrs B is now in her third day of full on moping about, crying, whining about it all etc. Its absolutely getting on my tits, and I know that sounds harsh but I am coming to the point...

See since I lost both my parents, I have a full on empathy bypass for stuff like this. Not like if someone loses family or a best pal, I actually feel fully worse for them, but see stuff like this, I genuinely feel like saying "what the f**k sort of loss is this to whine at me about?" Its like I rank a loss, deem it as nothing compared to what I have suffered then dismiss it. I honestly cant help it, and its total woe is me behaviour. Shite.

I'm with you. I lost both my parents within 4 months of each other couple of years back. If I were to hear something as trivial as this, for someone I don't know, I'm not giving one f**k. Leave that to the people closest to them, but if you stop and grieve for everyone then you'll be slitting your wrists within hours. 

[DA Baracus]

3 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

Only putting this in here clause it's a serious thread. Could be in infuriating things your partners do, but as I am about to come across as a right heartless bastrd.....

Someone at Mrs Bs work died recently. Someone who she, at best, were friendly enough colleagues who maybe text eachother back and forth but never socialised outside work. At worst, this person was a bit of an arse and a bully and ultimately Mrs B left rather than lut up with their shite. So we are talking someone who was not much more than a colleague.

Well Mrs B is now in her third day of full on moping about, crying, whining about it all etc. Its absolutely getting on my tits, and I know that sounds harsh but I am coming to the point...

See since I lost both my parents, I have a full on empathy bypass for stuff like this. Not like if someone loses family or a best pal, I actually feel fully worse for them, but see stuff like this, I genuinely feel like saying "what the f**k sort of loss is this to whine at me about?" Its like I rank a loss, deem it as nothing compared to what I have suffered then dismiss it. I honestly cant help it, and its total woe is me behaviour. Shite.

Have you asked her why she is so upset over this? Might not be the death of her ex workmate as such but rather that their death has set something off in your wife, like it's reminded her of something. What were the circumstances of the death?

[ParsJake]

34 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

Only putting this in here clause it's a serious thread. Could be in infuriating things your partners do, but as I am about to come across as a right heartless bastrd.....

Someone at Mrs Bs work died recently. Someone who she, at best, were friendly enough colleagues who maybe text eachother back and forth but never socialised outside work. At worst, this person was a bit of an arse and a bully and ultimately Mrs B left rather than lut up with their shite. So we are talking someone who was not much more than a colleague.

Well Mrs B is now in her third day of full on moping about, crying, whining about it all etc. Its absolutely getting on my tits, and I know that sounds harsh but I am coming to the point...

See since I lost both my parents, I have a full on empathy bypass for stuff like this. Not like if someone loses family or a best pal, I actually feel fully worse for them, but see stuff like this, I genuinely feel like saying "what the f**k sort of loss is this to whine at me about?" Its like I rank a loss, deem it as nothing compared to what I have suffered then dismiss it. I honestly cant help it, and its total woe is me behaviour. Shite.

Was the work colleague around a similar age to Mrs. B and/or was it sudden? Might explain why it's affected her more than it maybe "should".

Maybe the lockdown is contributing to things too, could be a few factors at work.

It seems to be all Dunfermline fans helping you out here, I hope you remember this.

[Bairnardo]

1 minute ago, ParsJake said:

Was the work colleague around a similar age to Mrs. B and/or was it sudden? Might explain why it's affected her more than it maybe "should".

Maybe the lockdown is contributing to things too, could be a few factors at work.

It seems to be all Dunfermline fans helping you out here, I hope you remember this.

I think you might be on to something with the lockdown effect. A few things iv read here, and SweeperDees springs to mind makes me think, we all predicted all of these mental health problems from lockdown but yet still, feel totally unprepared for them to arrive. I feel a bit weird trying to go and do normal things now too. All awkward etc. 

Anyway, as to your other point, they were a wee bit older, and cause of death is not known yet but if I know Mrs B, I bet she will be thinking it was self inflicted and therefore her decision to jack in that particular workplace was a factor. Have mentioned on here before she suffers from depression and it manifests itself in her being way, way too hard on herself. That's partly why I put this in here. I know that I am not helping the situation but I really cant bring myself to be arsed about the death of this person, aside from standard "aw that's a shame"

[Honest Saints Fan]

44 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

See since I lost both my parents, I have a full on empathy bypass for stuff like this. Not like if someone loses family or a best pal, I actually feel fully worse for them, but see stuff like this, I genuinely feel like saying "what the f**k sort of loss is this to whine at me about?" Its like I rank a loss, deem it as nothing compared to what I have suffered then dismiss it. I honestly cant help it, and its total woe is me behaviour. Shite.

I would say this is completely normal behaviour. Since my diagnosis I have a complete empathy loss for people that moan about trivial illness. I know I shouldn't. It might seem trivial to me but could be the worst thing in the world for that person. Still, it pisses me off and I'm always wishing that's all I had to worry about in life.

[D.A.F.C]

Only putting this in here clause it's a serious thread. Could be in infuriating things your partners do, but as I am about to come across as a right heartless bastrd.....

Someone at Mrs Bs work died recently. Someone who she, at best, were friendly enough colleagues who maybe text eachother back and forth but never socialised outside work. At worst, this person was a bit of an arse and a bully and ultimately Mrs B left rather than lut up with their shite. So we are talking someone who was not much more than a colleague.

Well Mrs B is now in her third day of full on moping about, crying, whining about it all etc. Its absolutely getting on my tits, and I know that sounds harsh but I am coming to the point...

See since I lost both my parents, I have a full on empathy bypass for stuff like this. Not like if someone loses family or a best pal, I actually feel fully worse for them, but see stuff like this, I genuinely feel like saying "what the f**k sort of loss is this to whine at me about?" Its like I rank a loss, deem it as nothing compared to what I have suffered then dismiss it. I honestly cant help it, and its total woe is me behaviour. Shite.

Its possible if the colleague was nasty then you can get a bit of a Stockholm syndrome and try to impress them. Maybe invested too much emotion.
I just grey rock pretty much everyone at work now which is shit but better than sharing stuff to get used to hit you with later on.
I'm probably the worst person to give advice on being sympathetic towards nasty people at work. Used to daydream about my main tormentor getting fucked up in various ways like the sketch in groundhog day.
[emoji38]

[pandarilla]

I would say this is completely normal behaviour. Since my diagnosis I have a complete empathy loss for people that moan about trivial illness. I know I shouldn't. It might seem trivial to me but could be the worst thing in the world for that person. Still, it pisses me off and I'm always wishing that's all I had to worry about in life.

Aye this is a slightly tricky one.

 

My wife's pal has no perspective on life's difficulties, and it annoys me immensely.

 

The whole 'typical that this has happened to us' mentality - with stuff that's genuinely trivial compared to my own health condition (and i know how fucking lucky i am that i don't have something completely debilitating, or even worse, terminal).

 

But as[mention=68117]Bairnardo[/mention] acknowledged, it's not a nice trait to be so harsh on other people's issues. Natural and understandable, but not nice.

 

 

 

 

[Hillonearth]

1 hour ago, Bairnardo said:

I think you might be on to something with the lockdown effect. A few things iv read here, and SweeperDees springs to mind makes me think, we all predicted all of these mental health problems from lockdown but yet still, feel totally unprepared for them to arrive. I feel a bit weird trying to go and do normal things now too. All awkward etc. 

Anyway, as to your other point, they were a wee bit older, and cause of death is not known yet but if I know Mrs B, I bet she will be thinking it was self inflicted and therefore her decision to jack in that particular workplace was a factor. Have mentioned on here before she suffers from depression and it manifests itself in her being way, way too hard on herself. That's partly why I put this in here. I know that I am not helping the situation but I really cant bring myself to be arsed about the death of this person, aside from standard "aw that's a shame"

To be honest I think anyone with any degree of intelligence and/or sensitivity has probably suffered to a greater or lesser extent over the lockdown.

I came to the conclusion a while back that the ones that have probably fared best are those lowest common denominator Big Davie Fae The Pub types who have breenged through the whole period convinced that it was aw a load a fuckin shite so they should just get the fuckin boozers back open cos they've got a fortnight in fuckin Benidorm booked up in June anyway.

Going through life with that kind of obtuse certainty would remove any need for extrapolation and reflection.

[carpetmonster]

2 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

I think you might be on to something with the lockdown effect. A few things iv read here, and SweeperDees springs to mind makes me think, we all predicted all of these mental health problems from lockdown but yet still, feel totally unprepared for them to arrive. I feel a bit weird trying to go and do normal things now too. All awkward etc. 

Anyway, as to your other point, they were a wee bit older, and cause of death is not known yet but if I know Mrs B, I bet she will be thinking it was self inflicted and therefore her decision to jack in that particular workplace was a factor. Have mentioned on here before she suffers from depression and it manifests itself in her being way, way too hard on herself. That's partly why I put this in here. I know that I am not helping the situation but I really cant bring myself to be arsed about the death of this person, aside from standard "aw that's a shame"

I don’t even know if it’ll go as deep as that mate - we’re in the midst of a pandemic and we’re reading about death all the time, however because it’s invisible and esoteric, it’s sometimes hard for people to connect with it. When it’s someone she knows, regardless of how it happened, it brings it home and pokes a big finger of one’s own mortality at you, which is doubly stressful when you’re having to make big adjustments to the way you live life in order to keep yourself and everyone else safe. 

[Genuine Hibs Fan]

2 hours ago, D.A.F.C said:

Its possible if the colleague was nasty then you can get a bit of a Stockholm syndrome and try to impress them. Maybe invested too much emotion.
I just grey rock pretty much everyone at work now which is shit but better than sharing stuff to get used to hit you with later on.
I'm probably the worst person to give advice on being sympathetic towards nasty people at work. Used to daydream about my main tormentor getting fucked up in various ways like the sketch in groundhog day.

Hahaha what were the top 3 scenarios? 

[DA Baracus]

2 hours ago, Hillonearth said:

To be honest I think anyone with any degree of intelligence and/or sensitivity has probably suffered to a greater or lesser extent over the lockdown.

I came to the conclusion a while back that the ones that have probably fared best are those lowest common denominator Big Davie Fae The Pub types who have breenged through the whole period convinced that it was aw a load a fuckin shite so they should just get the fuckin boozers back open cos they've got a fortnight in fuckin Benidorm booked up in June anyway.

Going through life with that kind of obtuse certainty would remove any need for extrapolation and reflection.

Yikes.

Never considered myself lacking intelligence and being a lowest common denominator type.

Never been to Benidorm though and haven't been back to a pub yet.

[D.A.F.C]

1 hour ago, Genuine Hibs Fan said:

Hahaha what were the top 3 scenarios? 

1. Firebomb through window, had an entire scheme worked out where I would swap number plates and checked out all the local cctv first. Middle of winter when it was pishing down escape route through fields.  Burn clothes via oil drum planted in fields.

2. Win lottery and pay local drug addicts or bums to harass them and family constantly. Here mate do you want £1000? Ok see this paint, chuck it on this car. Stuff like that, relentless.

3. This was the weird one. Pay local gang or crime lords to kidnap. Get arsehole to drink water laced with lsd and mind altering drugs, huge amount.

Drive to large forrest. Tie to tree and cover with honey and sugar. Cheerio, check a week later. Hopefully still alive but now totally insane, drop off near home with forced hand written note saying they had a secret drugs problem and had a breakdown.

 

I don’t think like this anymore and it was just for a short time. It did make me laugh occasionally thinking back to how much it got inside my head.

It’s pretty common and I’m sure everyone has done the same? Id never consider even stealing a persons sandwich in real life at work but it was a good way of coping.

Dont phone the police please.

 

[Genuine Hibs Fan]

32 minutes ago, D.A.F.C said:

1. Firebomb through window, had an entire scheme worked out where I would swap number plates and checked out all the local cctv first. Middle of winter when it was pishing down escape route through fields.  Burn clothes via oil drum planted in fields.

2. Win lottery and pay local drug addicts or bums to harass them and family constantly. Here mate do you want £1000? Ok see this paint, chuck it on this car. Stuff like that, relentless.

3. This was the weird one. Pay local gang or crime lords to kidnap. Get arsehole to drink water laced with lsd and mind altering drugs, huge amount.

Drive to large forrest. Tie to tree and cover with honey and sugar. Cheerio, check a week later. Hopefully still alive but now totally insane, drop off near home with forced hand written note saying they had a secret drugs problem and had a breakdown.

 

I don’t think like this anymore and it was just for a short time. It did make me laugh occasionally thinking back to how much it got inside my head.

It’s pretty common and I’m sure everyone has done the same? Id never consider even stealing a persons sandwich in real life at work but it was a good way of coping.

Dont phone the police please.

 

I don't know why but the bit in bold had me in stitches there, the large part probably! Those are some well thought out and entertaining plans, I especially enjoy tormenting them after winning the lottery. Downside is you couldn't trust addicts etc to not give the game away! 

I think we all have thoughts like that and it's amazing how much time you can spend on that stuff. Not always the healthiest though and I'm glad you're beyond it though. Always a good sign when you go from genuinely fantasising about that to laughing about it!