Depression

[Bert Raccoon]

28 minutes ago, philpy said:

Was very Close to being widowed on Saturday and it's hit me big style. Wife collapsed in pain on Saturday and was taken to hospital where she had a double operation to remove an ovary and some tubes, and they also sorted her hernia. She had the start of an infection,  and found out after surgery that she was borderline septic. I'm on paid leave from work but every time I try to switch off,  everything is playing over and over in my head.

Hope it's all OK bud. Just realise what you have and make the most of it 

[The_Kincardine]

41 minutes ago, philpy said:

Was very Close to being widowed on Saturday and it's hit me big style. Wife collapsed in pain on Saturday and was taken to hospital where she had a double operation to remove an ovary and some tubes, and they also sorted her hernia. She had the start of an infection,  and found out after surgery that she was borderline septic. I'm on paid leave from work but every time I try to switch off,  everything is playing over and over in my head.

So sorry to hear that, Philpy.  A horrendous time for her and, of course, for you. "everything is playing over and over in my head" is entirely normal.

Best wishes to your Mrs.

[Stellaboz]

I'm sorry to vent but I need somewhere to do it.

Shit at work is giving me anxiety and I'm spiralling into bad eating habits because of it. I'm feeling dark, down and lower than normal most of the time.

I'm getting angry thoughts all the time, I'm not mad at one thing in particular though. I hate everyone I see that I don't know and treat everyone with suspicion. 

I'm getting more into my shell and my self esteem is plummeting. I'm snapping at my wife, don't want to spend time with friends and increasingly seeking solace. 

[welshbairn]

11 minutes ago, Stellaboz said:

I'm sorry to vent but I need somewhere to do it.

Shit at work is giving me anxiety and I'm spiralling into bad eating habits because of it. I'm feeling dark, down and lower than normal most of the time.

I'm getting angry thoughts all the time, I'm not mad at one thing in particular though. I hate everyone I see that I don't know and treat everyone with suspicion. 

I'm getting more into my shell and my self esteem is plummeting. I'm snapping at my wife, don't want to spend time with friends and increasingly seeking solace. 

Sounds like you need a new job, either within your current company or elsewhere, even for less money if necessary.

[Widge]

12 minutes ago, Stellaboz said:

I'm sorry to vent but I need somewhere to do it.

Shit at work is giving me anxiety and I'm spiralling into bad eating habits because of it. I'm feeling dark, down and lower than normal most of the time.

I'm getting angry thoughts all the time, I'm not mad at one thing in particular though. I hate everyone I see that I don't know and treat everyone with suspicion. 

I'm getting more into my shell and my self esteem is plummeting. I'm snapping at my wife, don't want to spend time with friends and increasingly seeking solace. 

Been there and it's hard, especially when you feel like you're taking it out on your partner, despite them only every trying to help you. I tried various things to get me out of those moods and nothing ever seemed to work and if I can say anything from my experience, it's ok to be in a bad mood from time to time, it happens; however if it gets to the stage where you're waking up feeling like that, then its time to talk to someone honestly about your situation at work, social life, etc. 

I'm a total introvert who doesn't display or talk about emotions, but when someone lays it out in front of you it can sometimes narrow the exact cause of where the feelings come from. It may be work, it may be something else, but identifying the cause is the first step to finding a way to manage the way you're feeling. It's then about potentially finding something to make you feel even slightly better and increase your mood. Little steps and all that!

That's my experience of it, it might resonate or it might not, but if you want to speak to someone who can totally empathise and relate then drop me a PM. As others will probably attest to on here, there's no right or wrong answers and everyone is different, such is life. 

[scottsdad]

1 hour ago, Stellaboz said:

I'm sorry to vent but I need somewhere to do it.

Shit at work is giving me anxiety and I'm spiralling into bad eating habits because of it. I'm feeling dark, down and lower than normal most of the time.

I'm getting angry thoughts all the time, I'm not mad at one thing in particular though. I hate everyone I see that I don't know and treat everyone with suspicion. 

I'm getting more into my shell and my self esteem is plummeting. I'm snapping at my wife, don't want to spend time with friends and increasingly seeking solace. 

Vent away, it is why we are here.

I remember having feelings like these before. It was the result of some medication I was on. I think it was pregabalin. Turned me into someone I wasn't. Experiencing those feelings and thoughts was no fun for me or anyone else.

[heedthebaa]

2 hours ago, welshbairn said:

Sounds like you need a new job, either within your current company or elsewhere, even for less money if necessary.

I’ve basically been miserable, nippy, aggressive and came off social media this last year due to anxiety through work. Same job for 39 years, just came home end of July, sat the missus down and said I never wanted to walk on a boat again. Explained why and she just said “thank f**k, you’ve been hard work, just bring me a £1000 a month” I’ve found the job, a job that still gives me time with her and my grandkids and weekends off, couldn’t believe how nice they were, I mean I told them what days I wanted to work ffs. I’ve went from no motivation to never sitting still and lost over a stone in weight. I’m lucky as I’ve made great money all my life, now just minimum wage and couldn’t care less. I just hope the feelings I have now in my heed never leave me. Id recommend a job you love and a wee sertraline to anyone 

[the snudge]

Turns out after having depression diagnosed for 9 years that alot of my traits are adult ADHD. The doc has referred me to psychiatry for assessment bit she's fairly confident it'll be diagnosed. It's actually a relief and I'm not one for labels. It feels like a weight lifted and explains alot of my feeling. I thought everyone's brain ran similarly to mine. Turns out it's not "normal" but I'm not alone. 

[DA Baracus]

I don't think anyone's brain runs the same as anyone else's.

Edited October 14, 2022 by DA Baracus

[sophia]

2 hours ago, DA Baracus said:

I don't think anyone's brain runs the same as anyone else's.

I'm completely with you on this 

[19QOS19]

Sadly this c**t of an illness claimed someone again yesterday. One of my mum's best pals passed away early yesterday morning. She had been drinking a lot more recently but obviously no one knew to what extent. It reached breaking point a couple of days ago and the hospital put her into a coma to help her organs rest. Sadly the treatment failed and when they took her off the machines to see if her body could fight it it gave in. Absolutely heartbreaking. I'd be lying if I claimed I was close to her but I've known her my whole life as my mum has been friends with her since high school. She was just such a quiet and lovely person. She was extremely depressed by the end and yet the last time I saw her she was still putting on a brave smile and was her usual helpful self. She did seek help and as much as I absolutely love our NHS, it badly let her down here.

I haven't suffered from this so I'm in no position to be giving out advice. But if you've been brave enough to seek help because you think something isn't right you've surely done the hardest part. From then on don't let anyone fob you off. Get the treatment you deserve.

[the snudge]

On 14/10/2022 at 18:40, DA Baracus said:

I don't think anyone's brain runs the same as anyone else's.

 I said similarly.

[DA Baracus]

2 minutes ago, the snudge said:

 I said similarly.

Yeah man, didn't mean to imply otherwise!

I get what you mean in that there's some sort of apparent 'normal'.

[the snudge]

3 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

Yeah man, didn't mean to imply otherwise!

I get what you mean in that there's some sort of apparent 'normal'.

One way I heard it described is you have 100 marbles to hold and it feels like everyone else has a bag

[Jacksgranda]

On 06/10/2022 at 16:07, AL-FFC said:

First time posting in about a year and a bit on this but past few weeks and more so today depression is kicking my arse and really questioning what's the point.  Had been in a good place lost a good bit weight and just the way things are realise no ones there, my kids don't speak to me (ex made sure of that) and really don't know what to say don't even want to reach out as everyone has their own sh*t they are dealing with and even if I did I don't know what good it would do.

The last time I did speak to a pal the response was "I had depression once and then I cheered up" (I wish that's how it worked).  I lost my sister a few years back and she was the one constant in my life as she basically brought me up and still miss her, spent most of the day breaking down in tears and wishing I could pick myself up but its kicking my arse just now and the only way I am seeing tomorrow is today will be over and its a new day and hoping I don't feel like this.

How you doing now?

[AL-FFC]

41 minutes ago, Jacksgranda said:

How you doing now?

Been doing good managing to keep myself busy, it had been the first time it had hit me that bad in nearly 2 years.  I know its never going to go away and just finding ways of managing it and unfortunately its keeping myself busy.
 

[AL-FFC]

Reading some of the last posts, and sorry to read some of the struggles of other posters.  Last week was first blip day in over a year and half, I had been going through counselling some of the things I realised

Its not wanting to kill yourself but there something inside you that you want to die

Its not selfish, anyone that takes their life, its a cry for help but you know others have their own shit going on that you don't want to bother them. Anyone that says someone commits suicide is selfish doesn't understand the mindset of someone that's suffering depression until it hits them.

Biggest thing for me is finding that purpose in life, everyone needs a sense of purpose and what we are living for its trying to discover that. (still not found a sense of purpose)

Keeping active/busy bit of a 2 fold thing again. had been battering the hills although last few weeks not had much of a chance with weather and work.

The biggest thing is finding that inner child again, and just do something that makes you happy bring out that laugh again no matter how f*cking childish is seems to others if it makes you laugh then go for it.

I know a lot of it is finding what works for you and its managing it the best you can but might help some that are struggling. for those that posted when I have struggled thanks for the words and encouragement it means a lot.

[carpetmonster]

44 minutes ago, AL-FFC said:

 

The biggest thing is finding that inner child again, and just do something that makes you happy bring out that laugh again no matter how f*cking childish is seems to others if it makes you laugh then go for it.

 

Cycling helps me a lot when I need it. And I know the science, the endorphins and all, but it's not so much that, I don't think. I never call it 'cycling' - that implies something to take seriously - I 'go out on my bike'. Going out on your bike takes you to a place where all you need to worry about is gravity, dog poop and the odd divebombing seagull. 

[Ewan8472]

There was an article on how wild / cold water etc swimming was a help for some people

[Kejan]

On 14/10/2022 at 16:17, the snudge said:

Turns out after having depression diagnosed for 9 years that alot of my traits are adult ADHD. The doc has referred me to psychiatry for assessment bit she's fairly confident it'll be diagnosed. It's actually a relief and I'm not one for labels. It feels like a weight lifted and explains alot of my feeling. I thought everyone's brain ran similarly to mine. Turns out it's not "normal" but I'm not alone. 

I would be interested to hear more about this, but no stress etc ; as I think I probably am exactly the same. I'm undiagnosed ADHD, too but haven't even thought/bothered to see if I should get tested. Was there a lightbulb moment for the ADHD or always thought it?!