Depression

[pccabe]

Have just cane across this thread and would like to share my story.

I am a 43 year old police officer who also suffers from depression.

I was in a destructive relationship where I was beaten by my partner on a regular basis and as a man it was hard to admit this was happening and I went further and further into a downward spiral.

I made 3 attempts on my own life and was disappointed when realising I was still alive.

I finally got out and met my beautiful fiancee who has helped me to see I deserve love and to be alive.

I use my experience to make me not only a better person but better at my job and how I deal with people.

I am still on medication but in a much better place.

If you're in a bad place please call Breathing Space or the Samaratins and please see your doc.

I can also be reached as a listening post on here.

Take care everybody and I hope I haven't bored you too much.

[SweeperDee]

Looking for some advice lost my dad recently and i am struggling to deal with it having a bad effect on my home life. I have contacted gp but was wondering where else i could contact to get counseling etc?

any help much appreciated

You can always get in contact with Samaritans, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They wouldn't offer counselling as such, but they will provide you with an opportunity to explore your feelings and talk about them.

Hope you are well.

[BFTD]

I need to check this more. It's just very depressing to think about depression, of course.

Thanks to everyone who said nice things about my last post concerning my son's autism diagnosis. I haven't been reading, but I know there were some. He's getting on just fine; frankly, I don't think it's even a problem for him. It's just very easy to get all self-pitying about being responsible for it.

He's had a horrible penis infection lately, which has included lots of screaming and nightmarish pishing of blood clots, but hopefully that's not related

I need to admit myself to hospital, for care reasons, but I can't afford to. I am in a really bad spiral

Fucking hell, man, you were doing OK last I read

Health insurance not covering mental health expenses?

[Fireplace]

I've been feeling a bit up and down. When I'm down I get recurring thoughts of hurting myself. I dont' think I'll actually do it, I just get kind of mental images about the act of hanging myself or where I would go go to do it. It's quite disturbing but it passes. Aside from taht I am ok. I fight a lot iwth my girlfriend and think that the guilt about cheating (that's all over) doesn't help but i think it will fade.

I don;t know if anyone i know can guess i am like this does any1 else have this. whenevr you read about suicides its always a shock, everyone is baffled, i wonder if that's how it would be with me

[paranoid android]

I've been feeling a bit up and down. When I'm down I get recurring thoughts of hurting myself. I dont' think I'll actually do it, I just get kind of mental images about the act of hanging myself or where I would go go to do it. It's quite disturbing but it passes. Aside from taht I am ok. I fight a lot iwth my girlfriend and think that the guilt about cheating (that's all over) doesn't help but i think it will fade.

I don;t know if anyone i know can guess i am like this does any1 else have this. whenevr you read about suicides its always a shock, everyone is baffled, i wonder if that's how it would be with me

Hope you're ok, mate - have you spoken to your GP, or any of the help-lines about this?

[Hedgecutter]

I've been feeling a bit up and down. When I'm down I get recurring thoughts of hurting myself. I dont' think I'll actually do it, I just get kind of mental images about the act of hanging myself or where I would go go to do it. It's quite disturbing but it passes.

I don;t know if anyone i know can guess i am like this does any1 else have this. whenevr you read about suicides its always a shock, everyone is baffled, i wonder if that's how it would be with me

I felt like this almost every day for around 9 months until I finally went to my GP after it got rather out of hand. Been on anti-depressants for almost a couple of months now and my thoughts like yours have decreased markedly. Still get the occasional bad day but I soon realise that I've forgotten to take my tablet the night before. Don't know if missing just one can have that sort of drastic effect or whether it's just coincidence / because being down throws me off my routine. I should be absolutely delighted just now but it's a struggle so I'm not sure if the tablets given are i) something to with controlling it a bit, or ii) a magic cure. Bound to be the former I guess.

Moral of story: If you feel like you describe again and you haven't been to the GP, then sort out a visit at the first opportunity. It's tough, I know, but boy, what a difference it can make.

TBH, folk often say that making that phone call is the toughest part. I'd say that sitting in front of the doctor and 'opening up' about your problems was by far the toughest. Thinking to yourself about it all and getting the words out for somebody else to hear are very, very different things. Took me about 30 seconds to just say something to the doctor as I ate into my lengthy 5 minute appointment.

[tree house tam]

Sat outside perth royal infirmary, mates taken an overdose, 40 valium, 20 paracetamol, 10 ibuprofen and 4 eccies. Found him around an hour after he'd taken them. c***s absolutely fucked ! Canny speak, eyes rolling etc. Waiting on test results. Guys had depression problems for a while now, 3rd overdose.

[BFTD]

I've been feeling a bit up and down. When I'm down I get recurring thoughts of hurting myself. I dont' think I'll actually do it, I just get kind of mental images about the act of hanging myself or where I would go go to do it. It's quite disturbing but it passes. Aside from taht I am ok. I fight a lot iwth my girlfriend and think that the guilt about cheating (that's all over) doesn't help but i think it will fade.

I don;t know if anyone i know can guess i am like this does any1 else have this. whenevr you read about suicides its always a shock, everyone is baffled, i wonder if that's how it would be with me

Yes, you're not the only one.

The guilt will fade; don't do it again and you'll feel better about yourself over time. Get yourself to the GP - write them a letter and hand it over at your appointment if you find it hard to talk about.

Try and remember that the miserableness passes and you'll get back onto a happier state eventually. I had four solid years of solid, relentless misery, and I'm so happy that I put up with it now. Well, most of the time. And when I'm wishing I'd finished things back then, I just wait a few days and it evens out again You'll never know if it's going to get better if you don't stick around and see it through, which would be a bit of a waste.

[BFTD]

Sat outside perth royal infirmary, mates taken an overdose, 40 valium, 20 paracetamol, 10 ibuprofen and 4 eccies. Found him around an hour after he'd taken them. c***s absolutely fucked ! Canny speak, eyes rolling etc. Waiting on test results. Guys had depression problems for a while now, 3rd overdose.

Sorry man. Must be horrible. What help has he had for the depression?

[paranoid android]

Sat outside perth royal infirmary, mates taken an overdose, 40 valium, 20 paracetamol, 10 ibuprofen and 4 eccies. Found him around an hour after he'd taken them. c***s absolutely fucked ! Canny speak, eyes rolling etc. Waiting on test results. Guys had depression problems for a while now, 3rd overdose.

f**k.

Fingers crossed, pal.

[tree house tam]

Sorry man. Must be horrible. What help has he had for the depression?

To be honest I don't really know. He has been going to counselling but he never talks about that, just about being positive and dealing with things day to day. Seen this coming, he's been drinking too much lately and I knew something was wrong.No nice leaving the hospital at 3 in the morning with his piss sodden jeans and a mate lying fucked inside . They gave him an injection to counteract the opiates, put him on a drip for the next 21 hours and it's just a case of hoping he hasn't suffered too much damage internally .

Mixture of emotions just now .

[BFTD]

To be honest I don't really know. He has been going to counselling but he never talks about that, just about being positive and dealing with things day to day. Seen this coming, he's been drinking too much lately and I knew something was wrong.No nice leaving the hospital at 3 in the morning with his piss sodden jeans and a mate lying fucked inside . They gave him an injection to counteract the opiates, put him on a drip for the next 21 hours and it's just a case of hoping he hasn't suffered too much damage internally .

Mixture of emotions just now .

Don't know what the best thing to do would be. Assuming he's physically OK, I'd recommend talking to a few other mates and making regular checks that he's being receiving treatment for the depression, but he might resent that. Best thing would probably be for his family to take over and badger the NHS to make sure they're not forgetting about him. You get the impression that it's all too easy for people with mental health problems to slip out of sight; generally, it's not like they're going to kick up a fuss themselves.

All the best, anyway.

[Richey Edwards]

I'm a month into my new job in the care sector and am starting to feel I might not be cut out for it.

It's a hard going job which requires a lot of patience and an assertiveness I don't really possess. I'm probably too nice. On the other hand I don't believe in forcing people to go to bed and get up against their will just to suit the dayshift, but that's the common practice in my workplace and it goes against the basic principle of choice. Hardly anything is done the proper or caring way. HIS would rip them a new arsehole if they knew about this.

My workplace is also quite bitchy and cliquey and there is a culture of blame and scapegoating. Because I'm "the new guy" with no real personal care experience, the knives will probably be out for me shortly.

I'm nearly halfway through my probational period and I will probably stick it out until then.

Edited June 15, 2015 by Richey Edwards

[Raidernation]

Well I id go to the hospital and been in-patient from Wednesday last week and got discharged yesterday. Still got to go see a therapist so just waiting on appointments for that. Should have done it weeks ago (shite time of year for me amongst other things) but I feel a hell of a lot better than I did)

BFTD, no insurance to pay for it, hence my hesitation, but really glad I went (Although it was an odd experience at first)

[BFTD]

I'm a month into my new job in the care sector and am starting to feel I might not be cut out for it.

It's a hard going job which requires a lot of patience and an assertiveness I don't really possess. I'm probably too nice. On the other hand I don't believe in forcing people to go to bed and get up against their will just to suit the dayshift, but that's the common practice in my workplace and it goes against the basic principle of choice. Hardly anything is done the proper or caring way. HIS would rip them a new arsehole if they knew about this.

My workplace is also quite bitchy and cliquey and there is a culture of blame and scapegoating. Because I'm "the new guy" with no real personal care experience, the knives will probably be out for me shortly.

I'm nearly halfway through my probational period and I will probably stick it out until then.

Stick with it, they can do with more folk who actually give a shit. I've heard similar tales, but I doubt everywhere is as bad. You can always move until you find somewhere a wee bit more caring.

[BFTD]

Well I id go to the hospital and been in-patient from Wednesday last week and got discharged yesterday. Still got to go see a therapist so just waiting on appointments for that. Should have done it weeks ago (shite time of year for me amongst other things) but I feel a hell of a lot better than I did)

BFTD, no insurance to pay for it, hence my hesitation, but really glad I went (Although it was an odd experience at first)

Good stuff. I take it healthcare that would cover pre-existing mental health issues would be too expensive?

[Ad Lib]

When I'm down I get recurring thoughts of hurting myself. I dont' think I'll actually do it, I just get kind of mental images about the act of hanging myself or where I would go go to do it. It's quite disturbing but it passes.

I've been in the same situation. There have been several times in recent months when I've thought about jumping out of a window or hanging myself from a balcony or similar. What's sometimes the scariest bit about it is how calm you sometimes seem to be while contemplating it. I think it's because planning out an action like that can be one of the few things you feel as though you're in control of when your mood is low and things feel helpless.

What helped for me was letting those around me know that I had recurring thoughts about this. It's important not just for doctors and therapists when monitoring depression and medication. They aren't thoughts you want to admit to having but overwhelmingly people will want to help and will be supportive when you feel as though there is no alternative. Social support can stop you doing something that would cause lasting harm and better equip you to deal with those thoughts when on your own.

[Richey Edwards]

Stick with it, they can do with more folk who actually give a shit. I've heard similar tales, but I doubt everywhere is as bad. You can always move until you find somewhere a wee bit more caring.

I have reported the goings on. Just need to see what happens.

[Phil1870]

First time I've posted on this thread despite having browsed it for a good few months.

I've been dealing with the aftermath of a horrible and heartbreaking break-up. The relationship had been 5 years, we had a wee boy who's my pride and joy. I had lived the previous 3 years of the relationship in Ireland with my girlfriend, where she came from, and had planned to make a life and a family for myself. And I tried everything in my power to make that happen. I was in a job I enjoyed, working with some really good guys who had made me feel welcomed and at ease from day one. I really liked the area I lived in, I felt at home really quicky. I had my son, who after an anxious premature birth was just my whole world. Things were on the way to being the perfect family life I'd envisaged.

But last year things had changed for me, I realised that my life was being stripped away from me piece by piece. My girlfriend had always been difficult, she was always so insecure. I believed it was insecurity to begin with, but after time I realised it was completely unreasonable to the point it was being used to totally control me.. To glance at a newspaper with a picture of an attractive female made me a pervert, I was accused of looking at females when out and about, even when I hadn't. I'd always known it was there, but I loved her since I met her and this side of her hadn't been on show then.

She was becoming ever more down on my family, my hobbies, everything. We lived surrounded by her large family, and she expected it of me to go along on all their weekly days out and ocassions. If I said no once in a while I was shunned, totally ignored by both her and her mother and certain other relatives. When it came to my family visiting once or twice a year though it was a completely different story. Her behaviour was disgusting, she couldn't have made things any more obvious that she had no interest in them. Not even for my sake. It was as if once I'd moved there she changed. My family were shunned, my support for my country or my team was belittled and in general it was as if I was to forget everything that had went before, everything that meant anything to me was to disappear, and was to be replaces by everything of hers. My thoughts and feelings seemed irrelevent, I was continuosly pushed until I had a breakdown.

If it wasn't for my son I may have left sooner, in hindsight. I adore him and miss him terribly every day. I've been back in Scotland for a year, I've had counselling and continue to this day. Its still a struggle. I have good days but still many bad. Last weekend would have been our 6th anniversary, rather ironically it was Ireland v Scotland and it all resulted in me having a terrible day. I drank far too much and made a fool of myself in a local pub, falling about and bing a nuisance. I'd tried to block out my anguish by drowning them in alcohol, and of course it failed.

I'm trying to make a positive out of my life now, I've been accepted for college in September, a mature student no less! But I want to improve my life, get a career I enjoy, and have a better life for myself and my wee boy.

I'm trying to look ahead, but I'm not sure if or when I'll get fully through this.

Anyone going through similar issues or any form of depression has my sympathy.

[the snudge]

I went to an 8 week mindfulness course which helped alot. The thing is sometimes it can be difficult to remember. It needs practice. Taking at least half an hour to yourself a day is good practice if you can. The getselfhelp website is packed with lots of info