Depression

[DA Baracus]

Had a chippy last night as well just to make matters worse for myself, wasn't my idea and everyone else was having one so was forced into it then chased it down with beer and wine

No you weren't.

[THE KING]

Had a chippy last night as well just to make matters worse for myself, wasn't my idea and everyone else was having one so was forced into it then chased it down with beer and wine

Rest easy Fat Prince.

[Stellaboz]

A run with a little weight work has lifted my mood already.

Bloody hate the demon drink, just really can't cope after it at all anymore.

[BFTD]

So miserable that I don't know what to do with myself today. Was feeling bad enough anyway, but the wean woke me up at 3am to talk about that fact that he feels sad a lot and he doesn't know why Just as well that Citalopram stops me from crying.

Was hoping that I'd never need to have the conversation about how his father's genetics have screwed him over. Hopefully the poor bugger doesn't end up with his mother's problems too.

[BFTD]

Here was me thinking you were a carefree individual

Jesus, I don't moan that much, do I?

[Raidernation]

Got an all clear from oncology today,

OP Chemical Dependency programme is going well, AA meetings certainly helping, didn't think about/miss drink at all over the festive period.

Depression seems to have gone for now (probably related to the above).

Considering how bad "everything" was making me feel just over a month ago it's a real turnaround.

[CM.]

I also felt improvements in myself over the festive period but I was admitted into hospital earlier on tonight for a reason most folk on this thread will probably know. Cant say im pleased at myself but it seemed a stress release at the time.

Gutted too as things seemed to be going so well and now back to square one!

[RH33]

C.muir, hope you're ok and get the treatment you need.

[Lou Brusch]

I had a complete breakdown on Christmas night and aimed it all at my parents.

Everything has probably been building up since NYD 2014 and I've just refused to acknowledge it.

This week has been the worst so far, for the first time I've been believing that everyone and everything is against me and I've taken every action personally. I started having a go at my girlfriend all day Monday then the same on Wednesday, and deep down I felt bad for doing it afterwards. Had a shit day yesterday but when I got home at 9ish I started talking to my mum about really daft stuff and it really lifted my spirits. I then made sure that my better half knew just how much I appreciate her being by my side through all the pish I threw at her, she went through a really bad patch where she had to climb out of a deep (like 26/27) depression alone because nobody would help her or tell her to go to the doctor. She was 18 at the time and only ever sat in bed thinking about suicide.

Thankfully I haven't ever really considered the easy way out because all my problems will all fall into place at some point; I have had pleurisy for months, I'm in an awkward situation with uni, I suffer from loneliness and have done for a year, crap like that!

I'm going to make the most of my good mood while I can because I can only imagine that it will disappear as quickly as it arrived at some point. I'm being told by my boss at work to get to a psychologist, I'm being resistant for tedious reasons but I WILLL go!

[MsQosh]

Hello all,

Been a long, long time time lurker (mainly of the qos threads) but decided to sign up after reading this thread.

I was started on antidepressants (sertraline) in April last year for anxiety and depression. I've known I've not been right for years, my dad passed away from cancer when I was 12 and I stepped up to be the 2nd parent and basically kept my mum and sister going. Worked hard at school and college and managed to get into uni to do what I've always wanted to do. I got glowing reports from my mentors in practice and lecturers at uni, despite being terribly homesick. When in 2nd year, I had a pretty horrific experience on a ward, involving resuscitation of a newborn that suffocated (we don't get taught resuscitation of newborns until the end of our training). The staff involved got councilling and one was signed off due afterwards. I was never included in the debrief or incident reports so was overlooked and had to "deal with it" myself. My mum was then diagnosed with breast cancer so I hit a real rock bottom, thinking that she was going to die too. Luckily, it was caught early and she's made a full recovery. I've always been a person who's totally overthought everything and worry about everything but it's been getting worse and worse. It got to a point where I couldn't get on a bus if I didn't have the right change because I thought the driver would be angry or mad or wouldn't let me on!

I was supposed to graduate in September with the rest of my class but I have an extra 6 week placement to finish due to absence. The placement is taking place on the ward where the baby suffocated. I was on edge as uni told me if I don't pass this placement then I won't be able to qualify. There was cross wires between the sister, my mentor and myself on a shift, where I got an absolute bollocking when I was in the right. This prompted me to be hysterical for a good hour before calming down. Later that day I was asked to speak about objectives and I was asked about how I was feeling. I broke down again and spilled it all out. The sister recommended I get signed off (which I did) and come back when I'm feeling better. That was 6 weeks ago. I had a shite christmas and new year, my sister doesn't have good mental health and took an overdose just before Christmas, before accusing me of making everything up.

I've recently been started on diazepam which is helping slightly with the anxiety. But I'm still so worried about not being able to finish uni. I'm 5 weeks away! It seems daft to do it but I genuinely think that there's no point and I won't be able to finish. My mums not been much help tbh, just "when are you leaving?" And "get on with it"

Sorry for the essay, just needed somewhere to vent!!

Hope everyone is doing okay.

[paranoid android]

Hello all,

Been a long, long time time lurker (mainly of the qos threads) but decided to sign up after reading this thread.

I was started on antidepressants (sertraline) in April last year for anxiety and depression. I've known I've not been right for years, my dad passed away from cancer when I was 12 and I stepped up to be the 2nd parent and basically kept my mum and sister going. Worked hard at school and college and managed to get into uni to do what I've always wanted to do. I got glowing reports from my mentors in practice and lecturers at uni, despite being terribly homesick. When in 2nd year, I had a pretty horrific experience on a ward, involving resuscitation of a newborn that suffocated (we don't get taught resuscitation of newborns until the end of our training). The staff involved got councilling and one was signed off due afterwards. I was never included in the debrief or incident reports so was overlooked and had to "deal with it" myself. My mum was then diagnosed with breast cancer so I hit a real rock bottom, thinking that she was going to die too. Luckily, it was caught early and she's made a full recovery. I've always been a person who's totally overthought everything and worry about everything but it's been getting worse and worse. It got to a point where I couldn't get on a bus if I didn't have the right change because I thought the driver would be angry or mad or wouldn't let me on!

I was supposed to graduate in September with the rest of my class but I have an extra 6 week placement to finish due to absence. The placement is taking place on the ward where the baby suffocated. I was on edge as uni told me if I don't pass this placement then I won't be able to qualify. There was cross wires between the sister, my mentor and myself on a shift, where I got an absolute bollocking when I was in the right. This prompted me to be hysterical for a good hour before calming down. Later that day I was asked to speak about objectives and I was asked about how I was feeling. I broke down again and spilled it all out. The sister recommended I get signed off (which I did) and come back when I'm feeling better. That was 6 weeks ago. I had a shite christmas and new year, my sister doesn't have good mental health and took an overdose just before Christmas, before accusing me of making everything up.

I've recently been started on diazepam which is helping slightly with the anxiety. But I'm still so worried about not being able to finish uni. I'm 5 weeks away! It seems daft to do it but I genuinely think that there's no point and I won't be able to finish. My mums not been much help tbh, just "when are you leaving?" And "get on with it"

Sorry for the essay, just needed somewhere to vent!!

Hope everyone is doing okay.

Hope you're alright, mate. There is a point, and you will get there.

[Lou Brusch]

I start back at uni in seven hours and I can't sleep. Everything is taking a hold of me again and I can't get away. It's all my own stupid fault and I know it, that just makes everything worse.

[BFTD]

Hello all,

Been a long, long time time lurker (mainly of the qos threads) but decided to sign up after reading this thread.

I was started on antidepressants (sertraline) in April last year for anxiety and depression. I've known I've not been right for years, my dad passed away from cancer when I was 12 and I stepped up to be the 2nd parent and basically kept my mum and sister going. Worked hard at school and college and managed to get into uni to do what I've always wanted to do. I got glowing reports from my mentors in practice and lecturers at uni, despite being terribly homesick. When in 2nd year, I had a pretty horrific experience on a ward, involving resuscitation of a newborn that suffocated (we don't get taught resuscitation of newborns until the end of our training). The staff involved got councilling and one was signed off due afterwards. I was never included in the debrief or incident reports so was overlooked and had to "deal with it" myself. My mum was then diagnosed with breast cancer so I hit a real rock bottom, thinking that she was going to die too. Luckily, it was caught early and she's made a full recovery. I've always been a person who's totally overthought everything and worry about everything but it's been getting worse and worse. It got to a point where I couldn't get on a bus if I didn't have the right change because I thought the driver would be angry or mad or wouldn't let me on!

I was supposed to graduate in September with the rest of my class but I have an extra 6 week placement to finish due to absence. The placement is taking place on the ward where the baby suffocated. I was on edge as uni told me if I don't pass this placement then I won't be able to qualify. There was cross wires between the sister, my mentor and myself on a shift, where I got an absolute bollocking when I was in the right. This prompted me to be hysterical for a good hour before calming down. Later that day I was asked to speak about objectives and I was asked about how I was feeling. I broke down again and spilled it all out. The sister recommended I get signed off (which I did) and come back when I'm feeling better. That was 6 weeks ago. I had a shite christmas and new year, my sister doesn't have good mental health and took an overdose just before Christmas, before accusing me of making everything up.

I've recently been started on diazepam which is helping slightly with the anxiety. But I'm still so worried about not being able to finish uni. I'm 5 weeks away! It seems daft to do it but I genuinely think that there's no point and I won't be able to finish. My mums not been much help tbh, just "when are you leaving?" And "get on with it"

Sorry for the essay, just needed somewhere to vent!!

Hope everyone is doing okay.

Worth bearing in mind that you've done some good stuff over the years, and it reads as though you've been the emotional support for your own family. Some people just aren't good at reciprocating with these things, and it's probably scary for them to find that you have your own problems, which might explain your sister lashing out. Very much seems like you could use a professional to tell these things to, and possibly becoming part of an anxiety support group would be useful.

Just keep plodding along and try to block everything out but your course for now. Everything else can be dealt with later.

[BFTD]

I start back at uni in seven hours and I can't sleep. Everything is taking a hold of me again and I can't get away. It's all my own stupid fault and I know it, that just makes everything worse.

Can't sleep properly at the moment either. Give yourself a break; beating yourself up won't make things any better. All you can do is your best.

[D.A.F.C]

Definitely reckon a regular sleep pattern is good, usually I struggle to get tired until after midnight despite exercising. Sucks when your workplace won't consider flexitime and have to start early.

As for the festive period it's pretty shit being stuck in by yourself that time of year but on the plus side I was hardly hungover and ate ok. Actually lost weight a bit due to taking a week off from the gym.

Got too many things to sort out this year but trying to just be happier and more content every day and hope things follow from there. Going on ten years now since I started staying in and moving away from so called friends who just let me disappear without so much as a phonecall then acted annoyed when I tried to get back in touch.

Don't know why I find it so hard to make me friends or just get out but I'm quite reserved and really have lost confidence after not being able to trust people.

Have felt like putting up the lies and pointing the finger at one or two of them on facebook then deleting my account.

Either that or asking if they fancied a game of baseball without a ball....

Really need to just let it go but when gullible people are thinking you're the problem when it was the other way around it's hard to deal with. Been trying to prove myself since and need to stop it and just try and be happier.

[Ad Lib]

After a difficult few months I went to see my GP and after explaining my low moods and sleep/anxiety issues he was reasonably confident that I've got clinical depression. He suggested an SSRI might be an option but I'm reluctant to go on long-term medication if I can avoid it. I'm taking promethazine for my sleeping problems and going to try some counselling through the University and we've agreed to look at things again in a fortnight if they don't improve.

Does anyone else have experience of dealing with this sort of thing in an academic environment? I haven't got any teaching this semester but I figure I should probably tell my supervisors about it to ensure I can make contingencies so I don't fall behind workwise.

[RH33]

I had issues when I was a student and let the course director know. She was really good and ensured I got the additional support i needed whether that was extended deadlines or deferring placement.

Think being open with her is why she ensured I got my DipHE when it became clear I couldn't complete my degree as my mental health deteriorated.

[DA Baracus]

I had experience of this too. The counsellot at the uni advised me to tell my tutor/supervisor and wrote to them for me. This gave me extensions if I needed them and if I missed an exam it wasn't marked as a failed attempt and I waa allowed to take a resit (at Aberdeen uni they brought in a rule that you could only sit an exam 3 times; my 5 attempts at first year chemistry may have played a part!). I ultimately fucked up as I never got help soon enough and didn't follow through on things.

So aye Ad Lib, you need to get on top on this ASAP and follow through on it. I work in a student support role now and the systems universities have for that are designed to help students as much as possible as they really want students to pass. That sounds obvious but the number of students who still think admitting to having problems will 'go against them' or be held in some sort of record that potential future employers will see is prettt astonishing. Ad Lib, you seem like a pretty intelligent guy with a bright future so don't let this beat you. Use the full support scheme as much as you need and don't let it linger. It will eat you up inside and affect everything else in your life. You'll regret it so much and it will take you years to recover. That's all from experience.

When you graduate it says 2:1 or First or whatever in your degree. There isn't an asterix beside it that says 'But had to have support'.

Take steps now. Today. You"ll fell better and you'll know that you can do it and get a good grade, even if there are some stumbles along the way. If you're in the support system then they'll quickly pick you back up.

[DA Baracus]

Oh and I know how lonely it can feel in that situation. You look around other folk in your year and think they're all doing fine. But you'd probably be surprised at how many others at some point in their studies have needed help. Everyone in life will.need help at some point to some level, so it's nothing to be ashamed or embarressed about (something I learned too late).

I've seen a lot of students have similar issues to what you describe go on to be successful at uni after getting help.

[JamboMikey]

After a difficult few months I went to see my GP and after explaining my low moods and sleep/anxiety issues he was reasonably confident that I've got clinical depression. He suggested an SSRI might be an option but I'm reluctant to go on long-term medication if I can avoid it. I'm taking promethazine for my sleeping problems and going to try some counselling through the University and we've agreed to look at things again in a fortnight if they don't improve.

Does anyone else have experience of dealing with this sort of thing in an academic environment? I haven't got any teaching this semester but I figure I should probably tell my supervisors about it to ensure I can make contingencies so I don't fall behind workwise.

Just be honest with them. In my experience people involved in academics at university level are completely understanding about mental health stuff and have seen it before.

Edited January 15, 2015 by JamboMikey