zidane's child Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 "communication should be two fold" heard this one today 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 A manager in my work told me today to "dovetail with David on that issue". Christ. I thought liaise was bad. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 Police report on David Cameron incident :- "Following the incident, Chief Inspector Derek Hughes of West Yorkshire Police said: ''Around midday, a 28-year-old local man was briefly arrested after he came close to the prime minister's group who had just left the Civic Hall in Leeds. ''No threats were made, and after the man's details were checked, he was de-arrested and allowed on his way.'' They mentioned that on Have I Got News For You last week; Ian & Paul were just as incredulous. A manager in my work told me today to "dovetail with David on that issue". Christ. I thought liaise was bad. You and David could make him a nice cabinet using dovetailed joints. Then lock him in it and see how long it takes before he's missed. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Half Rice Half Chips Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 "trending" "Our sales figures have been trending upwards for the last 6 months" Thanks Twitter. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
banana Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 "trending" "Our sales figures have been trending upwards for the last 6 months" Thanks Twitter. #thankstwitter 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boghead ranter Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Got this request today "can we switch off the phone lines for 15 minutes? I need to facilitate a voice interaction with the staff" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I had one earlier this morning. Phoned a colleague to get something pushed through before my boss comes back on Monday. "OK Adam, thanks for the notification. I'll action that now." FML. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I had one earlier this morning. Phoned a colleague to get something pushed through before my boss comes back on Monday. "OK Adam, thanks for the notification. I'll action that now." Sounds like the opening lines to Corporate Speak Nonsense: The Erotic Movie. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Got this request today "can we switch off the phone lines for 15 minutes? I need to facilitate a voice interaction with the staff" I hope he didn't hear you muttering "f**k off"... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boostin' Kev Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Got this request today "can we switch off the phone lines for 15 minutes? I need to facilitate a voice interaction with the staff" Unbelievable. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fuctifano Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 None of these are dreadful on their own, but I received an e-mail today with the following sentence: "Her primary focus is to get this right and before we can begin beta testing she needs to understand best practice." Or, as he actually meant... "Can you tell her what to do please?" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
one m in Motherwell Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I was invited to a meeting today. Or rather "can you ensure this is diaried for next Wednesday". That's a first. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Septentrional Wasp Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 **** (CEO) shares his update from the Monthly Performance Call with our Senior Leaders. He reporst we are getting to a far more participative format with many leaders contributing and using real-time ****** (Internal networking site) connections during the call. Purpose is to spread learning, best practices and ideas at lightning speed across ******(Company) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeAreElgin Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Can anyone explain a "hockey stick approach" to targets? What the actual f**k does that mean? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Can anyone explain a "hockey stick approach" to targets? What the actual f**k does that mean? If you don't hit your target, you get clouted by a hockey stick. Wielded by a people facilitator to encourage you to flower within the nurturing work space environment. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMartyn86 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Working in a office sounds horrific. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Working in a office sounds horrific. You mean it would be an atmosphere not conducive to your optimum satisfaction? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMartyn86 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 You mean it would be an atmosphere not conducive to your optimum satisfaction? Eh... Aye! It's like the gaffers and pen pushers at my work. They haven't got a clue how to do my job but their clipboard and pie charts suggest otherwise meanwhile they are getting you to sign more paperwork incase you make a mistake so they can hold you to account. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Eh... Aye! It's like the gaffers and pen pushers at my work. They haven't got a clue how to do my job but their clipboard and pie charts suggest otherwise meanwhile they are getting you to sign more paperwork incase you make a mistake so they can hold you to account. An assurance process has to be in place and subject to audit to ensure policy is adhered to. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kilbowie's Finest Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 It's not confined to business folks - Education is chock full of this shite as well 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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