The Moaning-Faced Auld Duffers Thread

[heedthebaa]

Best part of Hogmanay was pissing myself laughing at that creepy c**t standing next to oor Jackie Bird, what a fucking dipshit

[Grim O'Grady]

I blame decimalization.

Everything was great before then.

12

[Grim O'Grady]

There's some daft young laddies talking up plain white trainers on the Trainers thread.

Even the Dunlops have a wee touch of green on the side FFS.

Pumps should be black with an elasticated front gusset.

[Raidernation]

Dunlop "green flash" pre 1980?

[Raidernation]

When I went to the car dealer yesterday it was on my mind t buy my "midlife crisis" car and seriously looked at a Dodge Challenger Scatpack http://www.dodge.com/en/challenger/model_details/?sid=1037056&KWNM=Dodge+Challenger+scatpack&KWID=43700008356669648&TR=1&channel=paidsearch#model=392_hemi_scat_pack_shaker&year=2016

Instead, after I realized it was a bugger to get in and out at my age, I bought a Jeep because it was higher and had better visibility http://www.jeep.com/hostc/bmo/CUJ201608KLJP74A/2TG/configurator.do#/summary

[Jacksgranda]

Ya know the advert were the young un as run out of ice but they need it cos they are havin a party? So the c**t goes out in the ice to go the shops.

Well just stop there young man.

Now fellow club duffonians think back to when you was a teen, did you ever go to a party where they had ice, ffs we never had glasses never-fuckin-mind ice.

& whilst I'm at it, if ice was so fuckin important then surely a look out in their back garden they could have pulled some icicles off the wall, use a bit of ingenuity you useless pair of c***s

On another theme whilst we are in party mode

Have any of you shagged a scouser? Fuckin whiny nasally accent. I couldn't force myself to do it, strange that I don't mind a bit of Cilla on the wireless though.

You must have a seriously big wireless.

[Jacksgranda]

No stairs between the upscalator and downscalator in the Loreburne Centre. I was on the downscalator today and tried walking down the steps at the same time but only did a couple. Best to let the machine do the work and just hang on to the handrail and concentrate on stepping off at the right time so you don't fall flat on your face. It may be easier to walk up the steps on an upscalator given that you are stepping higher rather than lower but I really don't see the point of doing this when someone has gone to the trouble of inventing a machine that takes the need for this out of my hands.

Correct - although I think that should read "feet", rather than "hands".

[Jacksgranda]

I was at a funeral yesterday, my parents and all my aunts and uncles are long dead, now it's my generation that's starting to disappear. Two of my cousins are already dead (one was 13 months older than I, the other a couple of years younger).

Anyway, this funeral was a brother-in-law, he was younger than I am, too.

I was waiting for the funeral cortege to move off, and was chatting to the husband of one of my wife's cousins, we only ever meet at funerals. He said "The last time we met was Aunt Audrey's funeral". I said, "Ivan, one of these days there's going to be a funeral and there's only going to be one of us at it".

I'll leave it on that cheery note.

[Hampden Diehard]

Dunlop "green flash" pre 1980?

Played my last organised game of football in a pair! Had retired for years, but had to go in goal on a puddle-strewn pitch as we only had 10 men and no one else would...my first ever match in goal, and I had a shut out. It was time to retire after that....at the top. Should have had the Green Flash dipped in bronze, but the wet really fecked them up.

Edited January 6, 2016 by Hampden Diehard

[Hampden Diehard]

Customer service - online style. You get a prompt e-mail back, telling you that someone will contact you within 24 / 48 hours.

The reply you eventually receive is either (a) to a question you didn't ask, or (b) refers you to another organisation or company just to fob you off and get you off their "outstanding" list......and it is generally written by someone whose grasp of English is extremely tenuous.

Mind you, this is not limited to online customer service. I went into the Virgin store in Glasgow with a query on my phone and the wee guy broke off from his co-worker banterfest long enough to tell me that this was a customer service issue, leaving me wondering what the wee tosser was, if he wasn't part of "customer service".

[Granny Danger]

I was at a funeral yesterday, my parents and all my aunts and uncles are long dead, now it's my generation that's starting to disappear. Two of my cousins are already dead (one was 13 months older than I, the other a couple of years younger).

Anyway, this funeral was a brother-in-law, he was younger than I am, too.

I was waiting for the funeral cortege to move off, and was chatting to the husband of one of my wife's cousins, we only ever meet at funerals. He said "The last time we met was Aunt Audrey's funeral". I said, "Ivan, one of these days there's going to be a funeral and there's only going to be one of us at it".

I'll leave it on that cheery note.

How you feeling?

[Jacksgranda]

How you feeling?

I'll probably last for a wee while yet.

Although if I'd have been asked which one of my in laws would pop their clogs first, I wouldn't have chosen Jimmy, so I could be next.

[Granny Danger]

I'll probably last for a wee while yet.

Although if I'd have been asked which one of my in laws would pop their clogs first, I wouldn't have chosen Jimmy, so I could be next.

Aye, it can all be very sudden and unexpected. You never know when your time will co

[Jacksgranda]

Aye, it can all be very sudden and unexpected. You never know when your time will co

You'll be missed, auld ma

[heedthebaa]

I was at a funeral yesterday, my parents and all my aunts and uncles are long dead, now it's my generation that's starting to disappear. Two of my cousins are already dead (one was 13 months older than I, the other a couple of years younger).

Anyway, this funeral was a brother-in-law, he was younger than I am, too.

I was waiting for the funeral cortege to move off, and was chatting to the husband of one of my wife's cousins, we only ever meet at funerals. He said "The last time we met was Aunt Audrey's funeral". I said, "Ivan, one of these days there's going to be a funeral and there's only going to be one of us at it".

I'll leave it on that cheery note.

f**k me JG, heed up eh !! It's coming tae us all

[BFTD]

Fairy Liquid isn't as good as it used to be

[Silvio Tattiescone]

Applied for a job months ago, forgot all about it. Got a letter today asking me to go for an interview but I've forgotten all the job details. Obviously I know the company (it was on the letter) and the products (Google), but I can't remember the salary package or any specific thing about the job. Am I going to look like a doddery auld duffer arriving and trying to unsubtly fish for information during the interview?

[Bold Rover]

I was at a funeral yesterday, my parents and all my aunts and uncles are long dead, now it's my generation that's starting to disappear. Two of my cousins are already dead (one was 13 months older than I, the other a couple of years younger).

Anyway, this funeral was a brother-in-law, he was younger than I am, too.

I was waiting for the funeral cortege to move off, and was chatting to the husband of one of my wife's cousins, we only ever meet at funerals. He said "The last time we met was Aunt Audrey's funeral". I said, "Ivan, one of these days there's going to be a funeral and there's only going to be one of us at it".

I'll leave it on that cheery note.

I empathise with all of this, Granda - exactly my experience too.

[bob the tank]

I'm six years older than my dad was when he died, its just a life lottery, so keep on going and be as positive as you can be. You'll probably outlive most of the duffer brigade on here with all their ailments, aches and pains.

[Bold Rover]

I'm 8 years older than my father was when he had a major stroke which finished him as a useful person - he never spoke again. And I fell the length of myself outdoors last week skinning my hands and, I think, cracking my kneecap. I can still speak and move all four limbs but wonder: for how much longer? Do I win £5?