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Christmas Day Tales


Shandon Par

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Christmas present, past or future - do you have anything to get off your chest?

Got to spend the day with some hateful in-laws this year?

Had any good family rammies? Births or deaths?

I once started to split up with an ex on Christmas Day. I know the timing was cruel but I'd been too busy to raise the subject before so with a bit of time off work and a giant carry-out the deed had to be done.

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Christmas present, past or future - do you have anything to get off your chest?

Got to spend the day with some hateful in-laws this year?

Had any good family rammies? Births or deaths?

I once started to split up with an ex on Christmas Day. I know the timing was cruel but I'd been too busy to raise the subject before so with a bit of time off work and a giant carry-out the deed had to be done.

Too young to really remember as I was only 3 at the time, but my grandfather died on Christmas Eve 1974, which I can only guess put a bit of a damper on things.

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1970s Stirling, my folks went to a restaurant for Christmas dinner. No food showed up and the waiting staff started vanishing. Eventually someone came and told them the staff had walked out on strike. Think they got a fish supper somewhere in the end.

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My brother (aged 20 at the time) had his girlfriend over for Xmas dinner, me, him, her, my old man and old dear.

Just after the soup he brutally split up with her, at the table in front of us. She asked for a lift home and my dad said he would take her after Xmas dinner.

She spent the next 3 courses sobbing her heart out before leaving after the trifle.

Awkward.

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My brother (aged 20 at the time) had his girlfriend over for Xmas dinner, me, him, her, my old man and old dear.

Just after the soup he brutally split up with her, at the table in front of us. She asked for a lift home and my dad said he would take her after Xmas dinner.

She spent the next 3 courses sobbing her heart out before leaving after the trifle.

Awkward.

So you're the decent one in your family? Unless you drove her back and pumped her on the way home of course.

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I'm night shift Christmas Eve and Day. You can all take your happy memories, your plans for a lovely family day, and f**k off.

I believe you're getting a wage?

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October,

Her, Christmas is coming, will we bother with presents this year?

Me, I suppose not.

November,

Her, Remember what we agreed now.

Me, I know, no presents.

December,

Christmas day to be exact,

Her, Did yo get me a present?

Me, No, remember our agreement.

Her, WHAT THE f**k.

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I broke my left arm on Christmas Day when I was 5.

I broke my right arm on Christmas Day when I was 6.

Same guy at Stobhill, wee Joe, done my stookie on both occasions.

About 20 years ago I also ripped a hole in my windpipe eating roast beef on Christmas Day.

Roll on Boxing Day.

Was it leftovers?

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For various reasons, I was family and friend free over Xmas one year. As far as I can remember, I had beans on toast and 12 cans.

That sounds grim, but I can't be the only one that wants to know more.

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