GordonD Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 Inspired by Speroni's recent query about installing an electric cooker: Guy making his first parachute jump finds it doesn't open. As he's plummeting towards the ground he can't believe his eyes because he sees what looks like another guy flying upwards towards him. As they pass each other in mid-air he shouts, "D'you know anything about parachutes?" "No," replies the other guy. "D'you know anything about gas cookers?" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 .. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 Nope. Even Googled various combinations of Kant, Kent, Eubank (and EU bank just in case). None the wiser. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 Nope. Even Googled various combinations of Kant, Kent, Eubank (and EU bank just in case). None the wiser. This a whoosh? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 17 minutes ago, 19QOS19 said: 20 minutes ago, Cardinal Richelieu said: Nope. Even Googled various combinations of Kant, Kent, Eubank (and EU bank just in case). None the wiser. This a whoosh? Nope. Got it now. Ethics -> Essex -> Kent. Not my finest hour, but then again, not Philpy's. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
topcat(The most tip top) Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 Nope. Even Googled various combinations of Kant, Kent, Eubank (and EU bank just in case). None the wiser. His next book after that will be about thummerthet 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 Welease Woger 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silvio Tattiescone Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 Imagine how excited Barn Owls were when humans invented barns. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homer Thompson Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 Nope. Got it now. Ethics -> Essex -> Kent. Not my finest hour, but then again, not Philpy's.I disagree. I laughed and it could well be philpys finest hour 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 2 minutes ago, Mr X said: 17 hours ago, Cardinal Richelieu said: Nope. Got it now. Ethics -> Essex -> Kent. Not my finest hour, but then again, not Philpy's. I disagree. I laughed and it could well be philpys finest hour I agree, it was funny and even I got it right away. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 1 hour ago, NewBornBairn said: Imagine how excited Barn Owls were when humans invented barns. I suppose early mankind had to put up with cave mice (rather than house mice). Over the centuries man struggled with cave mice eating his food. He tried to get his new best friend, the dug, to help but the dug couldn't be arsed chasing mice. One day man observed, from a safe distance, the sabre toothed Smudgerus polishing off a small mammal and thought "that furry b*****d would sort the mice out". Having lost several less important members of his family in the attempt to capture the Smudgerus early man eventually found that he could attract the creature in to deal with the mice by keeping a plate of tuna handy next to a roaring fire Camera shot of early man throwing fish bone in the air. Cue "2001" music. Scene changes to the present day. Camera pans in on a cat sleeping by the fire. Cat wakes up, notices camera, and turns it's arse towards it... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 4 minutes ago, tamthebam said: I suppose early mankind had to put up with cave mice (rather than house mice). Over the centuries man struggled with cave mice eating his food. He tried to get his new best friend, the dug, to help but the dug couldn't be arsed chasing mice. One day man observed, from a safe distance, the sabre toothed Smudgerus polishing off a small mammal and thought "that furry b*****d would sort the mice out". Having lost several less important members of his family in the attempt to capture the Smudgerus early man eventually found that he could attract the creature in to deal with the mice by keeping a plate of tuna handy next to a roaring fire Camera shot of early man throwing fish bone in the air. Cue "2001" music. Scene changes to the present day. Camera pans in on a cat sleeping by the fire. Cat wakes up, notices camera, and turns it's arse towards it... What? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 1 hour ago, tamthebam said: Camera shot of early man throwing fish bone in the air. Cue "2001" music. Scene changes to the present day. Camera pans in on a cat sleeping by the fire. Cat wakes up, notices camera, and turns it's arse towards it... And somebody gets the idea for the pencil sharpener. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The DA Posted May 15, 2020 Share Posted May 15, 2020 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Steele Posted May 15, 2020 Share Posted May 15, 2020 27 minutes ago, The DA said: By the end of today in this house if this afternoon's lockdown bickering continues. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted May 15, 2020 Share Posted May 15, 2020 People that are oblivious to hygiene, putting raw meat on the top shelf of the fridge, the steaks are high. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted May 15, 2020 Share Posted May 15, 2020 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Play Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverton End Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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