Infuriating Things Your Partner Does

[deej]

46 minutes ago, Rugster said:

Absolutely fucking correct. Nae rain = Barbecue. If it’s too cold for softies like beesher you can still eat inside just pass the grub in the window. 

 

43 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

Eating outdoors is only a small part of a "barbecue". When folk say have a barbecue thats what they mean, but cooking barbecue food outside is for literally any time of year since its fucking class. 

See also, pizza and hot smoking

To be fair we have eaten them indoors, as its been 6/7°C which is a bit chilly for eating. Looking like 11/12° tomorrow so will get the furniture looked out and go baws out with the barbecue, then watch Saints scud Clyde. What a day.

[jimbaxters]

On 15/04/2021 at 14:03, TheScarf said:

I know how the female mind works.  The key is not giving in to them.  They soon get the message.

Heads gone thread for this.

[Dan Steele]

1 hour ago, Bairnardo said:

Eating outdoors is only a small part of a "barbecue". When folk say have a barbecue thats what they mean, but cooking barbecue food outside is for literally any time of year since its fucking class. 

See also, pizza and hot smoking

I barbecued steaks on Christmas Day.  Then plated up and eaten inside obv. Chucked on a few bananas for a wee while, peeled then sliced over vanilla ice cream and maple syrup. Easier with a gas bbq, but like you say, any time of year.

[Todd_is_God]

Says "I don't really like Scooter"

[Chicken Wing]

Says "I don't really like Scooter"

Boots to pies.

[Todd_is_God]

3 minutes ago, Chicken Wing said:

2 hours ago, Todd_is_God said:

Says "I don't really like Scooter"

Boots to pies.

Complete disrespect to the man in the ice cream van

[hk blues]

18 hours ago, deej said:

 

To be fair we have eaten them indoors, as its been 6/7°C which is a bit chilly for eating. Looking like 11/12° tomorrow so will get the furniture looked out and go baws out with the barbecue, then watch Saints scud Clyde. What a day.

 

17 hours ago, The Skelpit Lug said:

I barbecued steaks on Christmas Day.  Then plated up and eaten inside obv. Chucked on a few bananas for a wee while, peeled then sliced over vanilla ice cream and maple syrup. Easier with a gas bbq, but like you say, any time of year.

We do the opposite because I dislike cooking outside (insects and our cats make it more bother than it's worth) - the wife barbecues inside then we eat it outside. 

[The Minertaur]

On 15/04/2021 at 08:58, latapythelegend said:

Since we can gather in groups of 6 from 6 households, she has said her parents and brother are coming up on Saturday.  I advise her I am watching the Falkirk game at 12. She cracks up saying I am not sitting in the house when her family are here - as if they are the fucking Windsors. She knew fine well I'd be watching the football yet invites them up because it suits her. Her dad and brother are also Falkirk fans but would never pay for an away stream. 

So now I am to turn the TV unit and point it out the patio doors so we can watch the game whilst sitting distanced in the garden. Absolutely fuming. 

To compound matters, I am no longer allowed to call Mark Durnan and Connor Sammon useless c***s as it will cause offence. 

I've never considered myself to be very rough spoken but this family are a bunch of vanilla c***s. 

How was your Saturday then?  

[latapythelegend]

1 minute ago, The Minertaur said:

How was your Saturday then?  

No bad until we turned the football on 

[HeWhoWalksBehindTheRows]

26 minutes ago, latapythelegend said:

No bad until we turned the football on 

Face tripping her?

[Funky Nosejob]

A genuine miracle and a ray of hope for us all...

Mrs. Nosejob has “discovered” that removing cans and yogurt pots from their multipack wrapping before putting them in the cupboard or fridge means they take up less space and are easier to retrieve. 
Sadly, I suspect this is down to her viewing a Facebook life-hack video, rather than my 20 years worth of telling her each week.

[Archie McSquackle]

Since we can gather in groups of 6 from 6 households, she has said her parents and brother are coming up on Saturday.  I advise her I am watching the Falkirk game at 12. She cracks up saying I am not sitting in the house when her family are here - as if they are the fucking Windsors. She knew fine well I'd be watching the football yet invites them up because it suits her. Her dad and brother are also Falkirk fans but would never pay for an away stream. 
So now I am to turn the TV unit and point it out the patio doors so we can watch the game whilst sitting distanced in the garden. Absolutely fuming. 
To compound matters, I am no longer allowed to call Mark Durnan and Connor Sammon useless c***s as it will cause offence. 
I've never considered myself to be very rough spoken but this family are a bunch of vanilla c***s. 
 

Sammon was useless at Motherwell but thought he might do a job at Falkirk after stepping down a few divisions - obviously not. The question then is, how far down does he need to go to be of use?

[Busta Nut]

She's working from home and I seem to be coming in to a mess of dishes she is using for breakfast and lunch.

[coprolite]

We now have 4 open packets of spaghetti in the cupboard, each half used. 

Fuming

[Melanius Mullarkey]

10 minutes ago, coprolite said:

We now have 4 open packets of spaghetti in the cupboard, each half used. 

Fuming

 

[WhiteRoseKillie]

Sammon was useless at Motherwell but thought he might do a job at Falkirk after stepping down a few divisions - obviously not. The question then is, how far down does he need to go to be of use?

Sammon can be outstanding- all you need is a top class Finnish midfielder to put the ball on a plate for the big plank.

[coprolite]

2 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

 

That’s made me laugh. 

[Shandon Par]

3 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

 

She’s got 3 on the go John! And they’re just the ones she uses for baking. Obvz there are always two tubs of butter on the go too.

[Florentine_Pogen]

She’s got 3 on the go John! And they’re just the ones she uses for baking. Obvz there are always two tubs of butter on the go too.

Last Tango in Lower Largo.

['WellDel]

Unrealistic alarm calls. 

All this week, and on many occasions before she's gone on about how much she has to do the next day, and how early she'll need to be up. Cue the alarm going off at 06.00, only for her to proclaim how she really is busy but too exhausted to actually fucking get up, before resetting the bloody thing for her usual 08.00 and promptly falling back asleep. 

I've been on the late backshift, so by the time I get in and have a quick bite to eat and unwind its between 1-2am  before I go to bed. I am also a hellish light sleeper, so this fucking charade leaves me lying awake, seething, every time. Silly bint.