The Worst Posters in P&B History (2017 Edition)

[gannonball]

I've seen the outside of the turnstiles bar and decided I don't fancy seeing the inside.

A wise choice, although when you're trying to get a pint before the football beggars cant be choosers. Not been back since they got a shitey republican flute band in before the football which seems to take up half the pub,the vibration from the drum would give the pints a decent head for a change.

[Venti]

10 minutes ago, Tynieness said:

You type some utter shite.

You're the one that allows the p***k on here.

[heedthebaa]

47 minutes ago, gannonball said:

You have clearly not had a pint from the turnstiles outside parkhead. Spent the second half on the shitter. Whenever I went back there I stuck to bottles untill somebody misheard me a few years later and got me a pint, I then again spent the second half on the shitter and ran out of bog roll,grim.

 

Hiya pal, welcome back. What you been told about signing off your posts eh 

[Adam]

Was in the pub last night and they had a special on, £2.80 for a pint of Bud. Had one pint, remembered that Bud is utter shite and went back to good old Tennents.

Why anyone would drink Corona is beyond me. Completely tasteless. Which I suppose, comes as no surprise to read that Magee drinks it tbh.

[Miguel Sanchez]

In 12th place...

In the final episode of the first series of Limmy's Show there is an recurring sketch, collected above, in which Limmy is pitching new characters. He comes up with a couple of them all centred on overly basic and unfunny premises, to a stony-faced reaction. Without attempting to be too post-modern about everything the sketch is both self-referential and a subversion of the entire premise of a sketch show, which is a recurring feature of Limmy's work on television and elsewhere. By deliberately pitching these obviously stupid characters he is able to make a point in two ways. While they are so stupid to fall into the "so bad it's good" category (or so unfunny it's funny in this case), as you can see from the video above it allows for an opportunity for Limmy himself to enter the sketch, as he often does. The result of the extended character pitching explores his self-doubt, believing the end of his series to represent the end of his viability as a comedic performer.

While Limmy's comedy isn't for everyone, I find it and most of the things he does hilarious. Such is the case with this. Yer finished, mate. ECCIES. Et cetera. However, the premise of the purposely crap characters he comes up with should be so ridiculous to be unbelievable. Soaking guy for instance, a guy that's just wet. How would that even work? The comedy is in the mystery as much as anything else.

The mark of a great comedy sketch show is something which can repeat a core joke several times without provoking a sense of resentful boredom in the viewer. When you watch Chewin the Fat you can see some men in a lighthouse and know what the next minute and a half of your life will entail. You know how it will end. You know, exactly upon seeing the intro, exactly everything that will happen. Yet you'll still laugh, you'll still appreciate the comfort of something which is at its core funny and in general an accurate commentary of the social expectations which have dictated your entire life.

That's what makes the Limmy characters so funny. Everything you expect from a sketch show is mocked while being self-aware enough, perhaps self-conscious enough, to remain relatable. Then the finale of the realised sketch with all of these characters, the first one that was pitched. D'ye want this mushroom?

Mush...

mush..

mushroom...

MUSHROOMS. MUSHROOMS. BATTERED FUCKING MUSHROOMS. LOOK AT ME. MUSHROOMS. I LIKE BATTERED MUSHROOMS. MMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSUSHROOMS

"A tedious poster who pebble dashes the forum with absolute drivel."

GREEN JEANS

"c**t posts tedious shite all over the shop."

JUDITH RALSTON

"also thankfully sacked after his *Look, I know the difference between concrete and cement, so when I tell you that T*d* is definitely a b**st, you better believe it.""

P U N S A R E S H I T E 

"bland, beige, boring. A middle aged man who goes out of his way to be overly chummy with equally sad, attention craving saddos."

I WANT TO BE ZEN ARCHER

"This new Mozza incarnation is worse than Zen Archer for f**k sake. Reads a mundane post on a thread then replies with an image of someone or something that I'm assuming is meant to be hilarious and relevant to the post he's replying to, but the reference is so Dads Army-esque that pretty much no-one has a clue what he's on about and they just skim past it. The forum uncle."

This list has previously condemned the sporadic nature of P&B's moderation and called out those responsible for it. You know, Nizzy. One of those to leave us was an Aberdeen supporting Morrissey fan, for a comment much in line with those everyone else was making. If perpetual infuriating beigeness is a crime though he should have some sort of government-mandated implant that kills wifi signals within fifty feet of him.

I'm not going to post any more of the pictures that @Melanius Mullarkey (25 points, 2 first place votes) seems to have taken to using as irritating non-sequiturs. I will ask you if you want a mushroom, though.

D'ye want this mushroom?

[Miguel Sanchez]

Incidentally I have discovered that Melanius Mullarkey is actually the name of a person, a footballer who plays non-league in England. The poor c**t's fucked if he ever googles his name and sees all the shite associated with it on here.

[Jmothecat2]

I've never had a battered mushroom before but that sounds pretty good.

[Flybhoy]

Getting near the top ten. 

Cant see me figuring now.

[Flybhoy]

2 hours ago, Slenderman said:

You're the one that allows the p***k on here.

Sorry...who are you cupcake?

[johnnydun]

Limmy - Shite

Battered Mushrooms - Good

[bennett]

56 minutes ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

In 12th place...

In the final episode of the first series of Limmy's Show there is an recurring sketch, collected above, in which Limmy is pitching new characters. He comes up with a couple of them all centred on overly basic and unfunny premises, to a stony-faced reaction. Without attempting to be too post-modern about everything the sketch is both self-referential and a subversion of the entire premise of a sketch show, which is a recurring feature of Limmy's work on television and elsewhere. By deliberately pitching these obviously stupid characters he is able to make a point in two ways. While they are so stupid to fall into the "so bad it's good" category (or so unfunny it's funny in this case), as you can see from the video above it allows for an opportunity for Limmy himself to enter the sketch, as he often does. The result of the extended character pitching explores his self-doubt, believing the end of his series to represent the end of his viability as a comedic performer.

While Limmy's comedy isn't for everyone, I find it and most of the things he does hilarious. Such is the case with this. Yer finished, mate. ECCIES. Et cetera. However, the premise of the purposely crap characters he comes up with should be so ridiculous to be unbelievable. Soaking guy for instance, a guy that's just wet. How would that even work? The comedy is in the mystery as much as anything else.

The mark of a great comedy sketch show is something which can repeat a core joke several times without provoking a sense of resentful boredom in the viewer. When you watch Chewin the Fat you can see some men in a lighthouse and know what the next minute and a half of your life will entail. You know how it will end. You know, exactly upon seeing the intro, exactly everything that will happen. Yet you'll still laugh, you'll still appreciate the comfort of something which is at its core funny and in general an accurate commentary of the social expectations which have dictated your entire life.

That's what makes the Limmy characters so funny. Everything you expect from a sketch show is mocked while being self-aware enough, perhaps self-conscious enough, to remain relatable. Then the finale of the realised sketch with all of these characters, the first one that was pitched. D'ye want this mushroom?

Mush...

mush..

mushroom...

MUSHROOMS. MUSHROOMS. BATTERED FUCKING MUSHROOMS. LOOK AT ME. MUSHROOMS. I LIKE BATTERED MUSHROOMS. MMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSMUSHROOMSUSHROOMS

"A tedious poster who pebble dashes the forum with absolute drivel."

GREEN JEANS

"c**t posts tedious shite all over the shop."

JUDITH RALSTON

"also thankfully sacked after his *Look, I know the difference between concrete and cement, so when I tell you that T*d* is definitely a b**st, you better believe it.""

P U N S A R E S H I T E 

"bland, beige, boring. A middle aged man who goes out of his way to be overly chummy with equally sad, attention craving saddos."

I WANT TO BE ZEN ARCHER

"This new Mozza incarnation is worse than Zen Archer for f**k sake. Reads a mundane post on a thread then replies with an image of someone or something that I'm assuming is meant to be hilarious and relevant to the post he's replying to, but the reference is so Dads Army-esque that pretty much no-one has a clue what he's on about and they just skim past it. The forum uncle."

This list has previously condemned the sporadic nature of P&B's moderation and called out those responsible for it. You know, Nizzy. One of those to leave us was an Aberdeen supporting Morrissey fan, for a comment much in line with those everyone else was making. If perpetual infuriating beigeness is a crime though he should have some sort of government-mandated implant that kills wifi signals within fifty feet of him.

I'm not going to post any more of the pictures that @Melanius Mullarkey (25 points, 2 first place votes) seems to have taken to using as irritating non-sequiturs. I will ask you if you want a mushroom, though.

D'ye want this mushroom?

Haw Tolstoy no one asked for another war and peace.

 

 

[Bobby Skidmarks]

Magee has had a few glasses of Corona. 

[Jmothecat2]

I tend to pour cans into a glass but drink bottled beer straight from the bottle. Draft beer always first choice though.

[Marshmallo]

That was really well written.

 

Someone going to Katie's Bar for a drink on a Sunday afternoon is completely mental btw. I once got called a "poof" in there for washing my hands after doing a pish.

[Jmothecat2]

That was really well written.
 
Someone going to Katie's Bar for a drink on a Sunday afternoon is completely mental btw. I once got called a "poof" in there for washing my hands after doing a pish.

It is a gay bar to be fair.

[Jimmy85]

Surprised he’s not top 10 tbh. 

[tamthebam]

3 minutes ago, Tynieness said:

f**k you Magee...

^^^^ is pretending to read the Jane Austen, but is actually reading the Dan Brown. A page a day. 

[The Grass Is Greener.]

6 minutes ago, Tynieness said:

f**k you Magee...

Get those shelves tidied up Tynieness ffs

[Flybhoy]

54 minutes ago, Jmothecat2 said:

 

It is a gay bar to be fair.

 

It was when it was the old Barnton Bistro, lots of gay people drunk in it, as did I, despite not being gay, was actually the best pub in the town back in the day, what a brilliant night out you used to get in it. 

[Marshmallo]

lots of gay people drunk in it, as did I, despite not being gay

One of the most David Brent things I've read on here.