c***s on the road

[Todd_is_God]

Ran over a fucking snow shovel that was bouncing about the M6 this morning. Saw it fly over a van right into my path but there was very little i could do about it. Cracked bumper seems to be the only damage thankfully.

The c**t here is the idiot that forgot to secure a bloody snow shovel

[RH33]

The c**t who's been using the school car park behind my house as his own skid pan every night since Friday, waking me up in process.

 

[Silvio Tattiescone]

11 hours ago, RH33 said:

The c**t who's been using the school car park behind my house as his own skid pan every night since Friday, waking me up in process.

 

Caltrops are your friend 

[scottsdad]

On taxi drivers, in the mid 90s my dad took the dog out for a walk. He went to the Braehead golf course in Alloa and tried to climb over a bit of broken wall (in the dark). He fell and broke his ankle. He managed to crawl to the roadside, with the dog barking at him the whole way. His urging to dog to go and get help, Lassie style, failed.

So he was lying at the roadside, ankle broken, dog barking in his face, raining- and a taxi came near him. It slowed down, the driver saw him, then just sped up and moved on. A second taxi driver did the same about 10 minutes later.

When he got back to work as a policeman about 8 months later, he had already made up his mind - every taxi driver in Clackmannanshire was getting 3 points. All those months at home, leg in plaster, he was plotting and scheming like Blofeld.

[milton75]

On 30/10/2022 at 13:03, oaksoft said:

If either van driver had to screech to a halt, then they were also at fault for not paying attention.

As they'll find out when they contact their insurance company.

This is of course true, but I don't really care about those guys. Under usual circumstances van drivers would be one of the c-nts on the road I gripe about.

But in this situation it was simply pleasing to witness the worst getaway ever. When your car is festooned in ads with the phone number to book a cab, chances are you're not going to go unidentified.

 

[milton75]

On 29/10/2022 at 22:41, mathematics said:

Related to this: people that park on the double yellows indicated by my red line are lazy inconsiderate arseholes and one day I’m going to spend a few hours with a claw hammer meeting many windscreens.

 

 

 

On 30/10/2022 at 09:26, microdave said:

On 29/10/2022 at 22:41, mathematics said:

Related to this: people that park on the double yellows indicated by my red line are lazy inconsiderate arseholes and one day I’m going to spend a few hours with a claw hammer meeting many windscreens.
 
 

I'll happily join you. On that bit of road, you have no idea if the cars are parked or stopped at the lights which can make you feel foolish when you stop behind a parked car that doesn't move when the lights change. And talking of double yellow lines, I was out for a walk one lunchtime and saw a car parked on the pavement (with hazards on) simply because there were double yellows. They must've thought that was acceptable but I was seething.

There's always a selection of dickwads parked there. Ubereats and Deliveroo type fannies picking up shit from the Subway, the chippy, or the restaurants. Or twats going in themselves. They usually leave their fat munter partners in the car, hazards on, while they queue in the chippy. It's not even a good chippy. It's shit.

[Sergeant Wilson]

7 hours ago, Newbornbairn said:

Caltrops are your friend 

Particularly effective against war elephants and attack camels apparently.

2 hours ago, scottsdad said:

On taxi drivers, in the mid 90s my dad took the dog out for a walk. He went to the Braehead golf course in Alloa and tried to climb over a bit of broken wall (in the dark). He fell and broke his ankle. He managed to crawl to the roadside, with the dog barking at him the whole way. His urging to dog to go and get help, Lassie style, failed.

So he was lying at the roadside, ankle broken, dog barking in his face, raining- and a taxi came near him. It slowed down, the driver saw him, then just sped up and moved on. A second taxi driver did the same about 10 minutes later.

When he got back to work as a policeman about 8 months later, he had already made up his mind - every taxi driver in Clackmannanshire was getting 3 points. All those months at home, leg in plaster, he was plotting and scheming like Blofeld.

Must've recognised he was a copper. Well done Cabbie!

[Mark Connolly]

3 hours ago, milton75 said:

 

There's always a selection of dickwads parked there. Ubereats and Deliveroo type fannies picking up shit from the Subway, the chippy, or the restaurants. Or twats going in themselves. They usually leave their fat munter partners in the car, hazards on, while they queue in the chippy. It's not even a good chippy. It's shit.

Bishopbriggs cross has been like that for as long as I can remember.

I'm genuinely amazed there are so few accidents there - possibly because everyone is smart enough to assume there will be a c**t double parked

[mathematics]

3 hours ago, milton75 said:

 

There's always a selection of dickwads parked there. Ubereats and Deliveroo type fannies picking up shit from the Subway, the chippy, or the restaurants. Or twats going in themselves. They usually leave their fat munter partners in the car, hazards on, while they queue in the chippy. It's not even a good chippy. It's shit.

I’ll be happy to introduce aforementioned claw hammer to fat munter partners.

[mathematics]

15 minutes ago, Mark Connolly said:

Bishopbriggs cross has been like that for as long as I can remember.

I'm genuinely amazed there are so few accidents there - possibly because everyone is smart enough to assume there will be a c**t double parked

I don’t understand why a parking attendant doesn’t make a killing every day.

[Mark Connolly]

Just now, mathematics said:

I don’t understand why a parking attendant doesn’t make a killing every day.

If it was a couple of miles up the road, across the boundary into GCC, the wardens would be fighting each other for the privilege

[mathematics]

11 minutes ago, Mark Connolly said:

If it was a couple of miles up the road, across the boundary into GCC, the wardens would be fighting each other for the privilege

I’d become a warden for EDC just to exact sweet revenge.

[IrishBhoy]

When I was doing the Glasgow half marathon a few weeks back I parked about 3/4 of the way down Bothwell Street, on the street to the right just round from the Rhoderick Dhu pub. I didn’t have a penny of change on me and was running extremely late to get to George Square for the start of the run, and since it was a Sunday I thought I would chance it.
 

When I got back after the run, literally as I turned the corner and my car came in to view, a woman parking attendant was taking a picture of the front of my car. I’ve never had a parking ticket in my life but have heard stories about how unwilling they are to compromise, especially after they have started the process of giving you a ticket. The woman could see both me and my pal were in running gear, both hardly able to walk after running a half marathon then walking from Glasgow Green, so she would have known the car had been parked there for at least a few hours. When I got up to her she was farting about on what looked like a mini iPad, and I asked her if that was me getting a ticket now. To my surprise she replied ‘Not if you get in your car and drive away before I put this ticket on your windscreen’. I thanked her a few times for her generosity and done as she said, driving away while she looked on. I half expected her still to put the ticket through and have something come through the door but that’s been a month now, so fair play to her. 

[flyingscot]

18 hours ago, Mark Connolly said:

If it was a couple of miles up the road, across the boundary into GCC, the wardens would be fighting each other for the privilege

Glasgow barely enforce the restrictions. They stick to the town fining those in meter bays instead of actually going about getting folk on double yellow or bus lanes. 

[Cosmic Joe]

8 hours ago, IrishBhoy said:

When I was doing the Glasgow half marathon a few weeks back I parked about 3/4 of the way down Bothwell Street, on the street to the right just round from the Rhoderick Dhu pub. I didn’t have a penny of change on me and was running extremely late to get to George Square for the start of the run, and since it was a Sunday I thought I would chance it.
 

When I got back after the run, literally as I turned the corner and my car came in to view, a woman parking attendant was taking a picture of the front of my car. I’ve never had a parking ticket in my life but have heard stories about how unwilling they are to compromise, especially after they have started the process of giving you a ticket. The woman could see both me and my pal were in running gear, both hardly able to walk after running a half marathon then walking from Glasgow Green, so she would have known the car had been parked there for at least a few hours. When I got up to her she was farting about on what looked like a mini iPad, and I asked her if that was me getting a ticket now. To my surprise she replied ‘Not if you get in your car and drive away before I put this ticket on your windscreen’. I thanked her a few times for her generosity and done as she said, driving away while she looked on. I half expected her still to put the ticket through and have something come through the door but that’s been a month now, so fair play to her. 

Was her name Rita? 

[Bold Rover]

32 minutes ago, Cosmic Joe said:

Was her name Rita? 

Lovely.

[IrishBhoy]

1 hour ago, Bold Rover said:

Lovely.

I don’t get it. 

[Bold Rover]

 

[welshbairn]

37 minutes ago, IrishBhoy said:

I don’t get it. 

 

[tamthebam]

Interestingly the parking attendants in Edinburgh get referred to as the Meanies, which may have been inspired by Yellow Submarine

Minging Jeannie, Edinburgh Meanie, you can stick yer ticket ...