Monster Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 I'm lucky my in-laws think the sun shines out of my arse, despite having no visible evidence that would support this accolade. Yes, but at your age the inevitable rectal prolapse can only make it seem as though the sun is shining from your bottom, when actually it's just the glint off the remedial scaffolding. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Phoenix Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 Yes, but at your age the inevitable rectal prolapse can only make it seem as though the sun is shining from your bottom, when actually it's just the glint off the remedial scaffolding. More likely to be from the shiny wrapper that I forgot to take of the suppository. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whistle Blower Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 Having to go back to work today after 4 days with the boy 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTChris Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 I am literally champing at the bit waiting to hear how this story turns out.Dum dum duuuummm! Did Chris get any sleep last night? Did the van get uplifted? Did Chris get lifted, perhaps for swinging for the council workshy little c**tholes? Van got taken away at 0300. Please stop champing at the bit now, it's getting soggy and other children have to play with it later. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fuctifano Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 Fucking women. Or not fucking women (who are cock-teasing bible bashers that play the 'no sex before marriage' card) to be more specific. This has taken a turn for the slightly surreal. To flesh out the story a little bit, she is a friend of one of my flatmates, and she was here with a couple of others for a music festival at the weekend, so we were out Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. They were staying in a backpackers’ hostel but were round at the flat for quite a lot of the time, so she knew where I lived. Anyway, got home from work yesterday and she’s sent me a hand-written letter which is somewhere in between a thank you note and a love letter- it features the choice phrases “I hope I was God’s blessing to you†and “I believe these things happen due to God’s will†and she’s signed her name then written “Servant of the Lord Jesus Christ†I’m really a bit stunned here- I’d actually thought about it and decided the ‘no sex before marriage’ thing was just a convenient way of letting me down but unless she’s on a monumental wind-up, which I don’t think she is, then’s she’s a genuine grade-A religious zealot. There’s no point in pursuing this really as she lives too far away and the chances of getting my nat king are pretty much zilch but I feel I should write back to her (she’s given me her e-mail address) and say something, I’ve just no idea what… 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raith Against The Machine Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 This has taken a turn for the slightly surreal.To flesh out the story a little bit, she is a friend of one of my flatmates, and she was here with a couple of others for a music festival at the weekend, so we were out Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. They were staying in a backpackers’ hostel but were round at the flat for quite a lot of the time, so she knew where I lived. Anyway, got home from work yesterday and she’s sent me a hand-written letter which is somewhere in between a thank you note and a love letter- it features the choice phrases “I hope I was God’s blessing to you†and “I believe these things happen due to God’s will†and she’s signed her name then written “Servant of the Lord Jesus Christ†I’m really a bit stunned here- I’d actually thought about it and decided the ‘no sex before marriage’ thing was just a convenient way of letting me down but unless she’s on a monumental wind-up, which I don’t think she is, then’s she’s a genuine grade-A religious zealot. There’s no point in pursuing this really as she lives too far away and the chances of getting my nat king are pretty much zilch but I feel I should write back to her (she’s given me her e-mail address) and say something, I’ve just no idea what… "Yeh, Jesus loves you. But who's going to be there when you need a kidney transplant? Not fucking Jesus for a start." Or... not. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fuctifano Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 "Yeh, Jesus loves you. But who's going to be there when you need a kidney transplant? Not fucking Jesus for a start."Or... not. I think that would meet with a damnation and brimstone response. I like it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwififer Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 This mornings text was because we visited her brother yesterday and spent a lovely day with my beautiful neices. Apparently we aren't allowed to do that unless we come to the mother-in-laws (her sister lives with her mother) to visit them as wellNever mind the fact the boy is back to school this morning, I'm back at work and she just visited them with the boy (and stayed overnight) a fortnight ago, and is going again in another fortnight to stay overnight. Considering the wife works nights and I don't see her much anyway it becomes yet another night I don't see her AND my boy, but does her sister consider that when calling us 'selfish'? No. The fucking boot. I'm pissed off, is it obvious? Go get em Monster GRRRRR! This has taken a turn for the slightly surreal.To flesh out the story a little bit, she is a friend of one of my flatmates, and she was here with a couple of others for a music festival at the weekend, so we were out Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. They were staying in a backpackers' hostel but were round at the flat for quite a lot of the time, so she knew where I lived. Anyway, got home from work yesterday and she's sent me a hand-written letter which is somewhere in between a thank you note and a love letter- it features the choice phrases "I hope I was God's blessing to you" and "I believe these things happen due to God's will" and she's signed her name then written "Servant of the Lord Jesus Christ" I'm really a bit stunned here- I'd actually thought about it and decided the 'no sex before marriage' thing was just a convenient way of letting me down but unless she's on a monumental wind-up, which I don't think she is, then's she's a genuine grade-A religious zealot. There's no point in pursuing this really as she lives too far away and the chances of getting my nat king are pretty much zilch but I feel I should write back to her (she's given me her e-mail address) and say something, I've just no idea what… It's a beautiful story, one that has moved me to tears 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwififer Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 Pulled a groin muscle at work yesterday getting up from the computer table, it's bloody agony. I tried to put tiger balm on it today to see if it helped and I ended up getting it on my balls instead, I screamed for 20 minutes and had to go home for a shower 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 Anyway, got home from work yesterday and she’s sent me a hand-written letter which is somewhere in between a thank you note and a love letter- it features the choice phrases “I hope I was God’s blessing to you†and “I believe these things happen due to God’s will†and she’s signed her name then written “Servant of the Lord Jesus Christ†The sentence I highlighted genuinely made me snort with laughter for the best part of a minute. If this isn't a wind up you have got to be careful, she's clearly a fucking nutjob. Put it this way, if she'd signed it 'servant of Satan' you wouldn't be replying would you? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McB Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 (edited) Come the 7th of August, I shall be unemployed. Edited March 31, 2008 by LauraMcB 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tatty Boabie Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 This has taken a turn for the slightly surreal.To flesh out the story a little bit, she is a friend of one of my flatmates, and she was here with a couple of others for a music festival at the weekend, so we were out Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. They were staying in a backpackers’ hostel but were round at the flat for quite a lot of the time, so she knew where I lived. Anyway, got home from work yesterday and she’s sent me a hand-written letter which is somewhere in between a thank you note and a love letter- it features the choice phrases “I hope I was God’s blessing to you†and “I believe these things happen due to God’s will†and she’s signed her name then written “Servant of the Lord Jesus Christ†I’m really a bit stunned here- I’d actually thought about it and decided the ‘no sex before marriage’ thing was just a convenient way of letting me down but unless she’s on a monumental wind-up, which I don’t think she is, then’s she’s a genuine grade-A religious zealot. There’s no point in pursuing this really as she lives too far away and the chances of getting my nat king are pretty much zilch but I feel I should write back to her (she’s given me her e-mail address) and say something, I’ve just no idea what… As an experienced an long-suffering Mental Health Professional, I strongly advise to stay clear, perhaps change your name, and move house. She sounds like the sort of fruitcake that people like me will be paid to look after in the not too distant future. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Phoenix Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 (edited) As an experienced an long-suffering Mental Health Professional, I strongly advise to stay clear, perhaps change your name, and move house. She sounds like the sort of fruitcake that people like me will be paid to look after in the not too distant future. Do you look after senile, incontinent, old farts? (It's not for me like, I've got this pal............) Edited March 26, 2008 by The Phoenix 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saints1884 Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 Pulled a groin muscle at work yesterday getting up from the computer table, it's bloody agony.I tried to put tiger balm on it today to see if it helped and I ended up getting it on my balls instead, I screamed for 20 minutes and had to go home for a shower Why would you put tiger balm on it when your at work? Seems a bit of a strange place to apply it at work. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiniCooler Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 Why would you put tiger balm on it when your at work? Seems a bit of a strange place to apply it at work. And what was being viewed on the computer that made a "groin" muscle be pulled??? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwififer Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 I was typing a service user's life story onto microsoft word, you don't get internet connection for anything at work. I only used the work's stuff as I do not have it at home, and even if I did, I'd rather waste the work's stuff. It wasn't tiger balm btw, it was deep heat. Still stung like mad, won't be doing that again... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tatty Boabie Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 Do you look after senile, incontinent, old farts? (It's not for me like, I've got this pal............) Not really my field, but I'd look after you mate, or your pal. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Phoenix Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 Not really my field, but I'd look after you mate, or your pal. Legend! Cut and pasted for future use to send to my pal. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tatty Boabie Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 Legend!Cut and pasted for future use to send to my pal. You've got a few good years in you yet 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Phoenix Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 You've got a few good years in you yet Indeed! Soon to be seen appearing at a five-a-side tournament somewhere in darkest Glasgow. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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