Glasgow Area 5's

[Thistle_do_nicely]

Not one of my better performances. I blame hayfever, a slight cold, tiredness from playing yesterday as well, and the way the new ball we were using swerves.

My head pretty much dropped after a few errors, and when the lights went out I was pretty relieved, to be brutally honest.

Hopefully I'll be better next time (not sure if im in next week, while im at it)

[Sir Kevin Of Kilsyth]

Was a bad mix the teams I think. We had more ball winner types and not enough creativity. Didn;t make anywhere near enough chances.

Only positive about my display is I felt I was a bit better in goals than usual.

[CM.]

Good run out on Monday. Didn't think there would be as much between the teams as there was though, to start.

Someone let me know by text if I'm required for this coming Monday. Still no internet in the house so won't be on much.

[David W]

Start this early - who's in?

I am.

[David W]

Texted most people today, so far only 2 positive replies

In:

David

McGowan

Shaky

[Karpaty]

Who keeps texting me, out of interest?

[David W]

Me. Thank you for responding. At least 5 other people have obviously got new phones in the past week.

[Karpaty]

Me. Thank you for responding. At least 5 other people have obviously got new phones in the past week.

I see. Saving up for a couple of holidays so grafting, in conjunction of my retirement many months ago, means will be halted for a wee while at least.

[coldojag]

I can't play tonight. Hopefully next week though.

[David W]

David

McGowan

Shaky

Chrisy M

[David W]

I'll give this until 5 to see if Brian, Adam, Kyle 1, Kyle 2, Scott, Kevin etc declare their availability.

[Lisa Cuddy]

I'll give this until 5 to see if Brian, Adam, Kyle 1, Kyle 2, Scott, Kevin etc declare their availability.

Adam's out, I'm afraid. Skint.

[David W]

Going to call this off. Seriously need to get this nonsense sorted out - how difficult is it to post on here before 5 on a Monday?

[mcgowan]

oooooft man!

[Thistle_do_nicely]

Apologies for the late response. Was planning to announce that I was available to play earlier on, but (and without going into the details, since its actually rather... uh... embarrassing) I've kinda been the victim of bank fraud over this weekend and have had a fuckload of money stolen from my account, so... yeah. Pretty fucked off at the minute, tbh, but truth be told it could have been a lot worse. Been down at the bank and police station all day today trying to sort out this mess. Think it'll all get cleared up soon, and my cards at least been cancelled now so I can rest a bit easier while the Fraud Squad ™ and Strathclyde's Finest get on the case.

Edited June 21, 2010 by Thistle_do_nicely

[Sao Paulo]

Going to call this off. Seriously need to get this nonsense sorted out - how difficult is it to post on here before 5 on a Monday?

Quite. Least whilst you're dealing with the emotional turmoil of yet another family massacre. Can't tell you all how many times they've been taken from me.

Seriously, I'll not be back for a wee bit yet. Why? Well I think you're all bad people, really.

Naw, but I am daen some fuckin' graft and that so it's no convenient any more.

[Fudge]

As I said a week or so ago, my knee is gubbed. Thankfully it's only a joint effusion caused by fairly minor ligament damage. I'm able to do non impact cardio activities like the cross trainer/cyclcing etc, but can only really muster a light jog at this point.

i'm going away for a few weeks of hillwalking in a couple of weeks time so I'm hoping it will be fit and ready for that, before I return to 5's action at the end of July.

After that I should be available every week as per.

Edited June 21, 2010 by Fudge

[Lambies_Apprentice]

I'm still out for at least the next 2 to 3 weeks, so thats me ticked off the list of folk to seek for the near future.

[Thistle_do_nicely]

Right, time for me to explain the whole story behind me not being able to come to fives (and also other stuff beyond that). Think it's something my fellow grafters shall appreciate.

This is basically the sort of thing that rarely, if ever, happens in the shithole town I live in, but when it does it inevitably involves me somehow. In a way, writing this up is probably going to be a mistake, but f**k it. It pissed me off at first, but tbh now it's just funny.

It's so epic, in fact, I'll try to write it up in the third person, since I think that'd be the best way to go with it.

CHAPTER 1. "Yet another shitty night in the burgh"

It had been another in a long series of alchohol-fuelled, yet mediocre nights out for [my full name deleted]. The only real highlight of the evening being the England - Algeria snorefest, watched at a friends house while drinking some shit, cheap lager. Watching one of the most mediocre, no-hope nations at the world cup stumbling to a draw against Algeria had been amusing, to say the least. The pubs afterward, however, had been disappointing as always, with the only real mercy being that the 2 or so hours spent down in Helensburgh had passed relatively quickly (and also that Bad Bowl Cut Guy, or Fitzy as it turns out some friends of mine know him as, was in attendance and, as always, made him feel a bit better of himself in a "oh well, at least i'm not going through a horrendous mid-life crisis" kind of way) Our hero, Scott, was stood outside the Oriental at the corner of James Street, wondering where the f**k his mates had all gone off to, and was what can politely be described as "rather inebriated" or in less polite terms "aw wheet man ahm fuckin steamin". He decided, in his infinite wisdom, to send a text message to a friend to see where exactly he'd buggered off to, and also remembered that, the reason he'd gone to the oriental in the first place was to get some post-night-out snout. After popping in to get £3.20 worth of sweet, delicious Lambert and Butler, he decided to have a cigarette while waiting for his friend to get back to him.

While he waited, a young lassie proceeded to start talking to him. "Oh shit, man. Cannae believe all ma mates have fucked off and left me, man. Ah stay up in Cardross, fucks sake, how'mur ment tae get back hame?" Scott shared her concerns, since the same thing had happened to him, and also noticed that she had a massive rack. And was quite nice looking, but the massive tits was the important thing here. "Aye," he slurred, while puffing on a ciggy,"I know what thats like". Said lassie then responded, "oh shit man. Would it be alright if ah stayed round at your house, like? Ah mean, its just ah cannae get home nd at." Scott's drunken thought processes, as most single men's would be at this time, went something along the lines of "YOU FUCKING DANCER!" What he said was, "Aye, sure thing, love, let's sweep away and get a taxi home."

They made there way up to the cashpoint, where Scott proceeded to get a tenner out for the taxi and, amazingly enough, went to get a taxi. This, in hindsight, would turn out to be a rather daft thing to do.

CHAPTER TWO: "The Aftermath. No, not the Dr. Dre album, as in "shit that happens after some shits just gone down"".

They then proceeded to stumble in through the door. Sitting in the living room, the lassie said her name was Carla. Scott, meanwhile, said "Carla, huh? Aw, thats a nice name." He was thinking "jesus christ look at the size of those tits they're like melons". She then started going on about how her mates had all left her behind. Scott was still thinking "i want bitty." He leaned in to comfort her, and one thing led to another and [i'll spare you the gruesome details] the two engaged in some sweet shaggin' acshin' after going upstairs into Scott's bedroom. Suffice to say, Scott got his bitty. The two exchanged numbers, and went to sleep.

The next morning, said lassie had gone off. Scott was slightly disappointed she'd not at least stuck around, but f**k it, he'd give her a text next friday to see if she would be cutting about the burgh again. Fast forward to Monday (seriously, f**k all happened on Saturday or Sunday worth mentioning), when Scott suddenly notices his bank card wasn't in his wallet, nor in any of his jackets, nor indeed anywhere in the house. "Aw f**k", thought Scott, "I must have left it in the taxi on Friday, that's the last time I used the cunting thing." [can you see where this is going yet?] Scott then phoned the bank, to cancel his old card and order a new one. He then asked what the last transactions where, just in case, and the woman from the bank told him that they were a 50 pound withdrawal on Monday, a 50 pound withdrawal on Sunday, and a 40 pound withdrawal on Saturday, none of which had been made by him and were, clearly, fraudelent.

By this point, Scott's arse was as tight as a walnutt. He headed down to the bank to have a chat with them, and had his card cancelled while having a chat with the staff to figure out what had happened. During said chat, realisation dawned. Carla (assuming that was even her name) had lifted Scott's bank card from his wallet before leaving, and had subsequently taken out the maximum limit over the next few days. She'd gotten his pin-number, presumably by looking over his shoulder while taking money out for the taxi home, and must have made a note of it in her head or possibly saved it as a note on her phone, then made off with it while Scott was in a deep, hungover slumber. Scott then spent most of Monday and Tuesday at the bank and police station to figure this shit out. The staff at the bank said that, thankfully, he'd get a refund on the £140 that had been lifted, and at least nothing else had gone missing from his house.

Scott's reaction? "f**k me. For £140, I'd have at least expected some anal."

THE END..... (?)

So, there you go folks. Annoyed at first, but now that I think about it its just something funny to tell. Lesson learned too; if it sounds too good to be true, then it almost certainly is, and if you take some random lassie home, for fucks sake don't let her see your pin number.

Edited June 22, 2010 by Thistle_do_nicely

[Sir Kevin Of Kilsyth]

I paid £140 for a shag wan time. Well worth it.