turboshandy Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Was there not a story on P&B somewhere, that told of a drunken party in an upstairs flat, the host deciding it would be a good idea to have people hold him while he leant out and took a shit out the window on some passers-by, only for the offending article to land on the window sill and the host then pishing all over his breeks? The post at the time was obviously funnier! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dunning1874 Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I believe you mean this Turboshandy? Pretty embarrassed about this one. It's rank, too...When I was about 15 I was in my mate's house drinking. It was a high flat. A couple of other mates sounded the buzzer to get in and I looked down to see them about 8 floors below. In my drunken state (and with a bit of encouragement) I decided it would be funny to shite out of the window onto them (well, near them...). As I was held out of the window, the shit just sort of landed on the window sill and, forgetting that when you shite you also pee, pissed all over myself in the process. What a fucking failure I felt. The orginal thread it was in: http://www.pieandbovril.com/forum/index.ph...=95120&st=0 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboshandy Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I believe you mean this Turboshandy? The orginal thread it was in: http://www.pieandbovril.com/forum/index.ph...=95120&st=0 That's the one. Fucking fantastic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denji Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 This happened to my mate. No, my mate is not me. It was actually my mate. When he was a youngster he was over at his pal's house (Celtic under 19s player now byraway), sitting playing the PS2 when he decided he needed a shite. Off he pops to the bog, shuts the door. Just as he goes to sit down, his pal's parents decided to stop outside the bog door for a wee chat. He sits on his arse and chucks one out, then after this he tries to plop another, however, nothing comes out. Instead, a monstrous fart emerges and echoes round the house. He then jumped out the window and fucked off home. The door was still locked several days later. The end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Silver Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Nothing quite as entertaining as what has gone before but.... Once got the wrong nightbus home from a night on the razz and ended up in Kirky instead of Lenzie. Was dying for a shite. Scuttled off down beside the canal for a dump and had to wipe my arse with a Sunday Post. Oh, and there was the fish buffet in Kuala Lumpur. I thought 'When in Rome' and all that. Precisley one hour later I was firing it through the eye of a needle, stuck on the crapper for the next 3 days of my hols. Had to send the missus out to get tablets. Apparently she had no end of bother explaining my problem to the nice Malaysian pharmacist. Now I know what the wee shower type things beside the pan are for over there. Oh, I did forget having a farting competition on holiday in Yugoslavia with my pal when I was 12 (honest). We were sitting on a pier thing fishing and farting, as you do. My maw had dictated that I should wear my smart new chinos as we were going for a posh meal beforehand. I had plumped for the squid. 2 hours later I sharted violently and had to run back to the hotel (approx. 1/2 mile) covering the stains on my not so brand new chinos. Got back to the room, let it all out properly and had to chuck my underpants out the window. You'd think I'd have learnt my seafood lesson. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ad Lib Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Is it normal for shit to sometimes look a very light grey? What about near black? I do all shades and contrasts frequently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tryfield Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Is it normal for shit to sometimes look a very light grey? I had that once. Next day after a barium meal. That thing clung to the bottom of the pan like a limpet. Took a plumbers arm to shift it. I was in shared accomodation, and heard the wifey blaming her man . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Silver Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Is it normal for shit to sometimes look a very light grey? What about near black?I do all shades and contrasts frequently. Black aint unusual. I think there's some law that means as soon as you go on holiday, even if you haven't eaten or drunk yet, your next shite is alway black. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sutton01 Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 The best one i remember was that of a girl a couple of years above me in school, she and most of her friends had been out on the batter the previous night for her 18th and had decided to show face at school despite the hangover. Halfway through her english class, she needed a shite, but wasn't being allowed out, mainly due the teacher knowing she was hungover. After much kicking and screaming, she was eventually let out, but didnt make it. Half way down the english corridor it got the best of her She was known as gravy legs for a good couple of years after that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
county-mad Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I had diarrhoea last month for the first time in ages and I thought it was quite pleasant Obviously having to dart to the toilet every 20 minutes was a bummer but the gentle trickle of watery shecht leaving my rump felt quite good. Am I one of those gays you hear about on the television now? One of the greatest feelings in the world is when you get a bit of splash back and it soothes the pain Currently in work in tears, everyone looking at me thinking 'hmm that new boys wierd' brilliant thread. Bit worried about the number of people farting and letting a shite go Also have had this discussion with pals, when on the pan do you put elbows into your thighs, or mess with your hair Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
el Gringo Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Also have had this discussion with pals, when on the pan do you put elbows into your thighs, or mess with your hair If you don't read on the pan, you're a damn fool. I just finished this year's Oor Wullie book, and am back to the bathroom favourite, Roger's Profanisaurus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gall09 Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 If you don't read on the pan, you're a damn fool. I just finished this year's Oor Wullie book, and am back to the bathroom favourite, Roger's Profanisaurus. Oh, how naive. You've got to give your shite the respect it deserves. Reading on the pan is for the amateur shiter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ad Lib Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Also have had this discussion with pals, when on the pan do you put elbows into your thighs, or mess with your hair Elbows just above the knees. Leaves massive red marks if you're there for too long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ffcsam Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Also have had this discussion with pals, when on the pan do you put elbows into your thighs, or mess with your hair Neither, usually send texts or phone someone. Great fun when they ask where are you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ad Lib Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Neither, usually send texts or phone someone. Great fun when they ask where are you? Awkward when they call you though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ffcsam Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Awkward when they call you though. Especially when releasing a trout into the wild thru gritted teeth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RTDEE2 Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 shit/shitting is not a very nice word. Do you mind changing it please. To faeceing or pooing or jobbing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
th1stleandr0se Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Intae the wids amongst the trees Jim bared his erse, his cheeks tae ease Nae sooner had his breeks gan doon Than shity flees were swarmin roon trimmed Cheers for posting that. I haven't heard it for years and I've looked for it on the Web to no avail. I haven't any solid stories for you but the enduring theme of farting in supermarkets reminds me of the time I had a look around in all directions, saw no-one then let rip with a good smelly one only to find a pretty young thing immediately behind me knelt down, stocking shelves. It must have looked like I spotted her and backed right up to her to do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
county-mad Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Elbows just above the knees. Leaves massive red marks if you're there for too long. Exactly, glad I am not the only one. Awkward when they call you though. Had a belter the other week, was on the pan with someone in the cubicle next to me, not sure if he knew I was there or not. Anyway his phone went off "hello, im just taking a dump yourself? Well to be fair its runny but when i wiped there was not much there" superb entertainment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Silver Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 One of the greatest feelings in the world is when you get a bit of splash back and it soothes the painCurrently in work in tears, everyone looking at me thinking 'hmm that new boys wierd' brilliant thread. Bit worried about the number of people farting and letting a shite go Also have had this discussion with pals, when on the pan do you put elbows into your thighs, or mess with your hair Best way is to stay seated when you flush to catch a few cooling, soothing splashes. Known as a tinkers bidet I believe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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