Hullo there ya bunch ae fandans. It's Auntie Phil here again ready to sort oot the truth fae all the shite. Sorry fur no bein roond fur a while but i hud tae get rid of ma internet when those basturts at Greggs put up the price of steak bakes by two whole pee. That's been costin me an extra fucking 40 quid a month. So ah had tae economise. Credit crunchie an aw that.
First hings firsts. Aboot them polis files fae portugal. Whit a load of shite. So they thought oor Maddie had been taken to Holland but did hee-haw aboot it!? I knew that bunch of orange basturts would have had sumhing to dae with it. And sniffer dugs could smell the scent of death - aye, well that bitch Kate might have a fishy fanny but it disnae make her a mackerel. She wiz never guid enough fur oor Gerry. Stupit basturtin dugs.
Oor Gerry's been daein his nut ower the past few months. He's had to put up wi a load of shite about 'abusing' oor Maddie's fund. But as he wiz telling me when i visited him on his new gold-plated yacht (wi child-proof barriers - he'll no be making that mistake again....actshully, ignore that) he's got tae live an it costs a shite-load of money tae go roond the world again and again.
But enough shite fae me. Ah'm back tae answer ony question ye may have aboot the polis file, oor Maddy or any other shite.