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As We Rise Again

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  1. Some Cracking Tommy Cooper one-liners 1. Two blondes walk into a building.youd think at least one of them would have seen it. 2. Phone answering machine message -If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key 3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, Well, I can clearly see youre nuts. 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldnt find any. 5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldnt reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, No, the steaks are too high. 6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in. 7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I cant feel my legs! The doctor replied, I know you cant, Ive cut your arms off. 8. I went to a seafood disco last weekand pulled a muscle. 9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you cant have your kayak and heat it. 10. Rangers FC did not gain any unfair competitive advantage from the contraventions of the SPL Rules in failing to make proper disclosure of the side-letter arrangements, nor did the non-disclosure have the effect that any of the registered players were ineligible to play, and for this and other reasons no sporting sanction or penalty should be imposed upon Rangers FC 11. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. 12. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says Ill give you some cream to put on it. 13. Doc I cant stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. Is it common? Its not unusual. 14. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? Well, said the vet, lets have a look at him. So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, Im going to have to put him down. What? Because hes cross-eyed? No, because hes really heavy 15. Guy goes into the doctors. Doc, Ive got a cricket ball stuck up my backside. Hows that? Dont you start.

    Someones hurting a lot IMO.

  2. In evidence...
    Mr Ogilvie learnt about the existence of the MGMRT in about 2001 or 2002, because a
    contribution was made for his benefit. He understood that this was non-contractual.
    When was the last time somebody bunged £92 grand into your account?
    If it happened to me would I would immediately go and ask them 'is this non-contractual'? 8)
    Or if it is a loan, when do you want it back? :whistle Never? Oh nice one. :lol:
    Is it dodgy money? Money laundering? When will the police come knocking at my door?
    Obviously Ogilvie lives in a different world from the rest of us.

    You're going to do yourself some harm pal, you need to calm down with the seethe.

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