[Glasgow Area 5's]

Deansy can't play now so we need one player.

Gutted for big Deansy, by the way. Quality boay. It'll no' be the same without him, Ging' and Shagger.

[Glasgow Area 5's]

Pitch 3, 9pm. As last time, we need money before playing.

Aye, awright. You'll fuckin' get your money mate...

[Glasgow Area 5's]

Anyone fancy a blue-nun afterwards? (Seriously: a lager or soft-drink of one's choice).

[Glasgow Area 5's]

I'll play, son. 9PM is it?

[Glasgow Area 5's]

Just to confirm:

David

Craig

Fudge

Smurph

James

Graeme

Craig +1

Craig +2

Cannon

Calum

9 pm kickoff.

Not sure what's happening; we actually have two other guys who could've played but have been told they can't unless there's the inevitable drop-outs! Then next week we'll end up with 4 guys in or something.

Count me as one of those. Work has me up North today and I won't be back - even in Cumbernauld - until 9PM+. Sorry lads. I'll keep you posted on next week.

[Glasgow Area 5's]

I'm catching my breath just contemplating it... But I'll play.

Nine, is it?

[Glasgow Area 5's]

Mark's pal didn't show up and is now on the same blacklist as Soapy.

Calum clearly didn't want to be there.

Mark is now on crutches with an ankle injury.

Sao Paulo wouldn't stop moaning at everything.

I had a great time.

I'm in and I'd imagine Craig is.

Didn't happen. I'm in a better place now (the Kirk).

It's fine to be raging about me constantly branding you a paedophile in public. Listen, I'd be pissed off too.

Ya fuckin' beast.

[Glasgow Area 5's]

9pm. Mr Bampot is up front with you.

Oh... That will be a laugh. And what of Mrs McCandlish, the coalman's wife?

[Glasgow Area 5's]

Chrisy says he might be stuck at work so you can play unknown man.

What time is Sao Paulo? Erh, Kick-Off?

[Glasgow Area 5's]

Not yet! Finding two people is already a minor miracle.

My fitness is more ecclesiastical in its variety but I'll play if you need a man. Six O'Clock mass is getting on my...