Sputnik

Credit to Livi. Not strictly pretty on the eye, but getting up through the playoffs is an achievement in itself. To do back-to-back promos is really quite something. Just bitterly consoling myself with the sure-fire prospect of Falkirk going up next season with an awe-inspiring blend of manly sexiness and breathtakingly beautiful football.

As a Bairns fan, I’ve seen a few shitey Chairman’s statements in my time but I genuinely had to check half-way through reading this that it wasn’t a spoof, such is the positively Rangers-esque level of profound dignity and lamentable syntax. Regardless of the rights or wrongs of the sentiment behind it I can only assume the Pars’ Chairman left one of his extra Fifer fingers resting a little too hard on the comma button of his keyboard. Makes Doug Henderson’s famous Brexit special read like Shakespeare by comparison.