Sujan Azad Parikh

When a tampon and a sanitary pad are competing at the races, which of them is going to win? The pad! The tampon keeps tripping on the string.

Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"

“I’ve had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I’m leaving you!” “But honey, what about our child?” “What child?!” “Oh, so you’re not pregnant?”

After i-messaging back and forth with my wife, I jokingly commanded Siri to pass along this message: “You need to get back to work now; you have a husband to support.” Here’s what Siri sent: “You need 
to get back to work now; you have 
a has-been to support.”

When my coworker answered his phone, the confused woman on the other end asked, “Who is this?” “This is Steve. With whom did you wish to speak?” After a pause: “Did you just say whom?” “Yes, I did.” The woman replied, “I have the wrong number,” and hung up.

A man noticed his credit card has been stolen - but he never reported it. The thief was still spending considerably less than his wife.

A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!” The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that it wasn’t new.”

What’s the difference between glue, a tuna and a piano?" "No idea." "You could tuna piano, but you couldn’t piano a tuna." "Oh. And what’s with the glue?" "I knew you'd get stuck there."

A man and his wife have to go to a doctor. The doctor asks, “Do you share the same blood group?” The husband replies, “We must by now. She’s been sucking my blood for years.”

Newlyweds wake up one morning on their honeymoon and the man suggests: "Darling, why don’t you brew us some coffee?" Wife looks confused: "But that's your task, honey." “What? Why?” "It’s all over the Bible, dearest." "The Bible says nothing about who’s supposed to be brewing coffee!" The wife grabs hold of a copy and starts flipping pages at random: "See? Everywhere: Hebrews, Hebrews, Hebrews."

Force of Nature by Jane Harper - Five women go on a hike. Only four return. When a group of colleagues are forced to participate in a team-building exercise in the Giralang Ranges, they reluctantly start walking down the muddy track.... Good read.

Bob Marley of course. (I shot the sheriff But I didn`t shoot no deputy, oh no! Oh! I shot the sheriff But I didn`t shoot no deputy, ooh, ooh, oo-ooh.) Yeah! All around in my home town, They`re tryin` to track me down; They say they want to bring me in guilty For the killing of a deputy, For the life of a deputy. But I say: Oh, now, now. Oh! (I shot the sheriff.) - the sheriff. (But I swear it was in selfdefence.) Oh, no! (Ooh, ooh, oo-oh) Yeah!

Listening to Bob Marley. Could you be loved and be loved? Could you be loved and be loved? Don't let them fool ya Or even try to school ya! Oh, no! We've got a mind of our own So go to hell if what you're thinking is not Right! Love would never leave us alone A-yin the darkness there must come out to light Could you be loved and be loved? Could you be loved, wo yeah! - and be loved?