Sujan Azad Parikh
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Posts posted by Sujan Azad Parikh
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Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"
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“I’ve had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I’m leaving you!”“But honey, what about our child?”
“What child?!”
“Oh, so you’re not pregnant?”
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After i-messaging back and forth with my wife, I jokingly commanded Siri to pass along this message: “You need to get back to work now; you have a husband to support.”
Here’s what Siri sent: “You need to get back to work now; you have a has-been to support.”
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When my coworker answered his phone, the confused woman on the other end asked, “Who is this?”
“This is Steve. With whom did you wish to speak?”
After a pause: “Did you just say whom?”
“Yes, I did.”
The woman replied, “I have the wrong number,” and hung up.
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A man noticed his credit card has been stolen - but he never reported it. The thief was still spending considerably less than his wife.
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A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!” The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that it wasn’t new.”
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What’s the difference between glue, a tuna and a piano?"
"No idea."
"You could tuna piano, but you couldn’t piano a tuna."
"Oh. And what’s with the glue?"
"I knew you'd get stuck there."
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A man and his wife have to go to a doctor. The doctor asks, “Do you share the same blood group?”
The husband replies, “We must by now. She’s been sucking my blood for years.”
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Newlyweds wake up one morning on their honeymoon and the man suggests: "Darling, why don’t you brew us some coffee?"
Wife looks confused: "But that's your task, honey."
“What? Why?”
"It’s all over the Bible, dearest."
"The Bible says nothing about who’s supposed to be brewing coffee!"
The wife grabs hold of a copy and starts flipping pages at random: "See? Everywhere: Hebrews, Hebrews, Hebrews."1 -
Force of Nature by Jane Harper - Five women go on a hike. Only four return. When a group of colleagues are forced to participate in a team-building exercise in the Giralang Ranges, they reluctantly start walking down the muddy track.... Good read.
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Bob Marley of course.
(I shot the sheriff
But I didn`t shoot no deputy, oh no! Oh!
I shot the sheriff
But I didn`t shoot no deputy, ooh, ooh, oo-ooh.)
Yeah! All around in my home town,
They`re tryin` to track me down;
They say they want to bring me in guilty
For the killing of a deputy,
For the life of a deputy.
But I say:
Oh, now, now. Oh!
(I shot the sheriff.) - the sheriff.
(But I swear it was in selfdefence.)
Oh, no! (Ooh, ooh, oo-oh) Yeah!0 -
Listening to Bob Marley.
Could you be loved and be loved?
Could you be loved and be loved?Don't let them fool ya
Or even try to school ya!Oh, no!
We've got a mind of our own
So go to hell if what you're thinking is not
Right!
Love would never leave us alone
A-yin the darkness there must come out to lightCould you be loved and be loved?
Could you be loved, wo yeah! - and be loved?1 -
On 29/05/2018 at 13:51, Swello said:
I did go alone - as I don't know anyone else with a packraft* (boat that weighs a couple of kg and packs down to the size of a backpacking tent) and this trip really depended on that due to it being half walking and half paddling. The best time to go is when there isn't too much wind - I had various alternatives worked out in case the conditions mean that rafting was a non-starter. They are incredibly tough little boats (you can do serious whitewater in them if you (unlike me) have the skillz (see the vid at the bottom which is the same model as mine) - but they are slower than a kayak or canoe and if the wind is strongly against you, you would be quicker walking in most circumstances.
*If anyone has one let me know!
For everyone else, get one, you'll thank me once the blue bits on the OS Map become a possibility...
Great job man no doubt and kudos...I am looking for a similar kind of adventure...Tired of this urban life, need a break.
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11 hours ago, Swello said:
I've always had a hankering to cross Rannoch Moor - it's always held a bit of allure to me since I saw it on the Glencoe road when I was younger - so with the aid of one of my very favourite bits of outdoor gear - my packraft - I hatched a wee plan to do a circuit from Victoria Bridge. Long report below, feel free to ignore (as I didn't get above 350m or so
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I set out on the walk out the West Highland Way to Ba' Cottage where i would head off across the moor to Loch Ba'. I've always found this path pretty interminable and not a nice surface to walk on - but in the sunlight, it was a decent but sweaty blast of about 10km and I was out there in no time (I felt quite guilty walking past lots of WHW-ers who had walked from Milingvie rather than a few miles like me).
Kingshouse expressway (only had my phone, no camera)
Once I had squelched down to lochan na s*****ne (how wet would that path be normally??), I got the packraft out and set up, stuck my pack on the front and paddled under the road and onto a very windy Loch Ba'. The wind was strong and directly against me, so it was a good bit of effort needed to cover the 2km or so to Eilean Molach, where I had planned to camp. Once I got round the sheltered side of the little wooded island, I saw a tiny beach that looked like a perfect spot.
Eilean Molach
I got the raft out and got the tent set up and after a wee recce around the rest of the island, I spent the rest of the night sitting on the little beach eating my dinner and draining the hip flask - a really nice spot. As the sun went down, the wind dropped totally (good thing) and the midges appeared instantly (bad thing) - so I dived into the tent and got an early kip as I was up at 5am to leave enough time to make it to Rannoch Station in time to get the afternoon train south to Bridge of Orchy.
I headed off at 6am this morning - the wind had got up a little bit again but that was short lived. I was soon at the end of Loch Ba. The water level was too low to think about the Abhainn Ba' - so back into walking mode for a few km. I usually like pathless wandering but this was pretty rough going and I was glad when I got to Loch Laidon and back in the raft. I really enjoyed this bit (especially a weird view of the Buachaille) and even though it was a fair distance to paddle (for me), I was sad when I got to the end of the loch.
I was 90mins early for the train - but as there is a cafe at Rannoch, I stuffed my face for a while and sat and enjoyed the view and the silence (2nd best train station anywhere). After a quick go on the West Highland Trainset, it was just a quick walk out to Victoria bridge to finish off. Top couple of days in perfect weather...
Take out point
Beautiful I must say. Lonely road, great location and nature at its best, what more do you need? What is the best time to visit? Did you go alone?
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I enjoy hill walking and I have been Conic Hill, Loch Lomond, Ingleborough, Yorkshire Dales, Schiehallion, Perthshire, etc, etc. and I certainly enjoy being out there in the outdoors and breathing fresh air. It is one of my favourite past times and provided the opportunity I would leave everything and make a career out of it.
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Some interesting facts about her:
- Elizabeth Hurley (born 10 June 1965) is an English model and actress who became known as a girlfriend of Hugh Grant in the 1990s. As a child, Elizabeth Hurley wanted to become a dancer.actress Elizabeth Hurley
- Elizabeth received the 'Supporting Actress of the Year' award at the ShoWest Convention in the USA in 1997. Liz was presented with Grazia's style icon award in June 2006. at the magazine's first awards ceremony. The awards celebrate the creative achievements of women.
- Elizabeth Hurley is a huge supporter of charities such as the 'End Hunger Network' and the 'Screen Actor's Guild Foundation.'
- Elizabeth Hurley and Hugh Grant formed the production company, 'Simian Films,' in 1994. The couple dated until 2001.
- Liz has a beachwear line called Elizabeth Hurley Beach.
- Elizabeth has twelve piercings in her ear and another one in her nose.
- Liz has a son, Damian Charles, to director Steve Bing, who initially denied paternity. One of Damian's seven Godparents is Elton John.
- Liz's father was an army officer, her mother was a school teacher, her sister, Kate, a literary agent, and her brother, Michael, an engineer. Liz's mother is an English Protestant, while her father is Catholic.
- Elizabeth Hurley was considered for a role in Goldeneye (1995).
- Liz is the former spokesperson for Estee Lauder's ReNutriv Skin Care Line. She was replaced by supermodel Carolyn Murphy.
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For everyone else, get one, you'll thank me once the blue bits on the OS Map become a possibility...
The joke thread: a thread for camaraderie and hilarity
in The General Nonsense Forum
Posted
When a tampon and a sanitary pad are competing at the races, which of them is going to win?
The pad! The tampon keeps tripping on the string.