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Eric Paterson

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Posts posted by Eric Paterson

  1. 1 hour ago, LIVIFOREVER said:

    There's more than your credibility in question, you seem a tad obsessed over having a pissing contest on who has been married the most times. You do realize that each time you marry represents a failure, boasting about failures seems a bit odd. In footballing terms it's like boasting on how many times you've lost a cup final.

    You sound like someone who's never been married. Comparing marriage to football is idiotic.

    How exactly is having been married seven times a failure? Having that many wives has been great. 

  2. My grandad designed the original space shuttle but some Americans stole his designs and shot him with a toxic dart -which is most definitely NOT Cockney rhyming slang for "fart".

    He pulled the dart out and kept it in a jar on his mantlepiece for about 50 years. 

    How do I go about proving this in a court of law? The evidence was destroyed. I threw the dart at a dartboard and it basically disintegrated on inpact. I don't even know what "toxin" was in it.

     

  3. My friend Mark Balgetti (he won't mind me using his name, he likes it) buys a completely new set of dishes, crockery and cutlery every few weeks because he uses each item only once than throws it away.

    Strangely, he drinks out of those refillable water bottles so his apparent plan to waste as much money as possible is deeply flawed.

  4. So, I consulted my good friend Samuel Garcia who is an electrician and an expert on these matters. I have wedged all my doors open and turned the electricity off.

    I was previously advised by the renowned psychic medium Mario McKintyre to urinate in the corners of every room in the house in order to purify the house but that didn't seem to work and now my whole house reeks of pish.

  5. 3 minutes ago, alta-pete said:

    Just put a postcard advert in the Catrine post office window, no? 

    Na  I wanted actors, not extras.

    1 minute ago, tamthebam said:

    If the first victim is Janey Godley I'm in for 10%. That could make it the new "Springtime for Hitler"

    Deal.

    1 minute ago, tamthebam said:

    George Galloway found

    I asked him but he's too busy trying to create unity by being a divisive c**t. His loss.

    2 minutes ago, Jimi Shandrix said:

    Would you like me to be the cat?

    Yes. Can you meow? I would have used a real cat, but I'm actually allergic.

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