ForzaCounty

Let me tell you a little story, which will probably segue into another story because I'm not a very good story teller, but please stick with it. A little over one year ago, Stockport County were pushing for promotion in the GM Vauxhall National Vanarama Conference. We'd just had a televised FA Cup tie, against a West Ham first XI that would go on to qualify for Europe, in which all viewers could agree County were unlucky to lose 1-0. The team was managed by cult hero Jim Gannon, who had achieved nearly a thousand games with the club as player & manager, as well as four promotions - two on the pitch, two in the dugout. Things were going quite well, is what I'm saying. Then comes an article on the club website abruptly announcing that Gannon had been sacked, adding that his departure was not due to results but simply down to 'culture'. This dismayed and confused many, rumours flew around, but let's save time by summarising that the whole thing was a coup by somebody at the club who thought the midst of a promotion campaign was a good time to instigate their little project. This project involves putting Steve Rusk in charge of managing the team. Somehow his extensive managerial experience of coaching Brighton's Under-23 side isn't deemed quite enough to run the show solo, so the highly experienced Mark McGhee is brought in to assist him (I obviously don't need to introduce him to you fellows). The first few games under this dynamic team are a struggle but, in fairness, they soon go on an undefeated run that sets a new club record. (Harsher people than myself might suggest this was largely down to one club refusing to fulfill any more fixtures since they couldn't get any more Covid compo, meaning there was no relegation from the division that season, and most opponents were fielding kids since the seniors were furloughed. I couldn't possibly comment.) That brings us to the following summer, and Steve Rusk's chance to build his own legacy. This involves asking the rich chairman to delve deep into his Dubai-based pockets to fund some expensive signings from divisions above, enabling Steve Rusk's side to play football the way he envisages. Finally we'd get to see Ruskball. It's at this point my tale veers off into the past (and funnily enough, north of the border) but we'll return soon. You see, a long time ago, I had a girlfriend who came from a small place near Lanark. Well, I say near; it was an interminable bus ride outside of town, and I didn't know we'd arrived until we got off at a stone sheltered bus stop in a bunch of trees. Now, I grew up in a post-Industrial Revolution town that has been brutalised by Brutalist architecture. Did you ever watch 'Life on Mars'? That place. So I thought I understood the term "depressing", until I saw the streets hidden behind this bus stop. There was an off-licence with barbed wire on the roof & window adverts that couldn't be read due to the thickness of the wire mesh covering them. There was a gang of scrotes that stared at you because their eyes have to be pointed somewhere & they've already memorised every inch of the nearby powerlines. There was a cat. There was a lot of sportswear being worn and very little sport being played. You know what I'm talking about here. After a weekend spent in this place, I was ready to trade the last drops of warmth from my soul for a spoonful of golden brown, and my return trip to that stone sheltered stop was the first step to recovery. I tell you this, because I would rather return to that dreary village on a drizzling Sunday morning and watch 'I, Daniel Blake' being projected onto the side of a boarded-up chip shop than ever endure another 45 minutes of Ruskball. Have you ever been in a meeting on a Friday afternoon, and whoever's in charge says "Right, it's nearly 5 o'clock, so unless there's any further business..." and somebody at the back quietly says "... actually..." and you know you'll be lucky to get out of there any time soon without your brain melting out of your ears? That's Ruskball. Have you ever been in a job centre, and seen that every person in there - on both sides of the desk - doesn't want to be there, but they need something to keep a roof over their heads? That's Ruskball. Have you ever been to Stoke-on-Trent? That's Ruskball. Before I go, I know that somebody will try to tell you that his name isn't Steve. Don't listen to them... you'll understand eventually. Lord above, I wish you didn't have to understand. But you will.