Sergeant Wilson Posted July 14, 2016 Share Posted July 14, 2016 A workmate got called to a meeting today and was asked to do some t shirt sizing by a consultant. This, apparently, means identifying tasks in order of size ie time to complete. Just fucking say that! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fullerene Posted July 21, 2016 Share Posted July 21, 2016 3 hours ago, Bairnardo said: I said "going forward" in a sentence the other week then immediately backed away and reprimanded myself. I also admitted it to others so I could be appropriately punished. Yikes! I am having a problem with the gear shift on my car, especially when the car is going in the direction it is normally designed to go Any suggestions what I should say when I ask to get it fixed? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted July 21, 2016 Share Posted July 21, 2016 On 11/07/2016 at 15:37, RiG said: I just used the phrase 'high level overview' in an email at work. *shudder* Earlier today, I sent an email asking someone to "disseminate" to her team, which sounds like something that would happen around 11.30pm at the works night out. Alternatively, she could just tell them... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 Suggestion for Microsoft et al; as well as a spell check how about adding a corporate bullshit filter for email clients, word processing apps etc? It finds terms such as those highlighted and changes the text to something normal. And if it could administer a swift boot to the chuff at the same time it would be a winner. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
williemillersmoustache Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 Twice in one week I've had snarky little c***s telling me "you keep putting up barriers" when I'm trying to get them to fulfill their contractual obligations, like paying us, for the shit we did for them. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheScarf Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 I just used the phrase 'two separate finance streams' on a conference call. I feel absolutely disgusted with myself. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cream Cheese Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 "Contingency Plan" This business is ****ed and so are your jobs. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
banana Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 3 hours ago, TheScarf said: I just used the phrase 'two separate finance streams' on a conference call. I feel absolutely disgusted with myself. No wonder - 'bi-parallel finance streams', surely? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiegoDiego Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 "specialising in corporate identity / design / marketing / digital media / video & animation" They can add bullshit to that list, I don't think they know what to specialise means. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 Black belt in six sigma. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boghead ranter Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 No corporate speak, but quite a lot of WTF? in this e-mail that I just got. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boghead ranter Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 11 minutes ago, Boghead ranter said: No corporate speak, but quite a lot of WTF? in this e-mail that I just got. The closest thing we have to Mon Dieu in our work has 'Replied all' with this already. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Black belt in six sigma. The contractors that come in, who are Black Belt trained, earning a tidy sum. Worth considering... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dosser-fae-the-shire Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 The contractors that come in, who are Black Belt trained, earning a tidy sum. Worth considering... It genuinely is the biggest load of shite ever. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjw Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 I heard a guy ask for a c**t full of mortar last week. How much mortar does a c**t hold? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mortar Bored Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 I heard a guy ask for a c**t full of mortar last week. Funnily enough a bird ( a 9.5 natch) asked me for the same thing last night. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeAreElgin Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 There is no traffic on the extra mile. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
banana Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 14 minutes ago, WeAreElgin said: There is no traffic on the extra mile. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arabdownunder Posted August 19, 2016 Share Posted August 19, 2016 I bring to your attention an email from Swimming Australia Quote "As we move toward the conclusion of our Olympic pool competition, it is natural that we begin to reflect on some of the things that we have witnessed this week ... "In doing this, we have heard and read a lot about team culture. Our team promotes and facilitates a values-driven, learning-oriented, process-focused culture. "What this means is that our values drive who we are and how we treat ourselves, our teammates, our sport and our country. "We are committed to the personal and professional growth and learning of our people. And we are focused on great processes that enhance performance both in and out of the pool. "So how does this translate in the team and the pool? The key is our language. We have the courage to tackle difficult conversations in a timely and professional manner. If there is an issue, it's the behaviour or the action that we confront, not the person. By removing the action/behaviour from the person, we retain value and respect for our teammate, but bring to their attention, and gain understanding on what it is that any member of the team wants to address. "This allows people to maintain a feeling of value and worth. We don't allow ourselves to diminish a person's worth by the language we use. "Whether someone achieves peak performance or they miss their own goal and dream through a sub-optimal performance, the individual's value is retained. They retain the confidence and support of their teammates, regardless. "It's a small, but important factor. We stay connected and strong as a team as we ride the roller-coaster." Translation: Didn't win enough medals 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pepper Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Lego Serious Play - just no. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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