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Posts posted by Old Diamond
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Channel 4 are putting together a documentary about the sacking of BBC presenters Jermaine Jenas and Huw Edwards. They are calling it "The Saga of Huw Jenas"
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28 minutes ago, itzdrk said:
You don't think "stop the boats" is far right?
That's quite alarming.
Well it was UK Government policy until recently, and Labour's "Smash the Gangs" amounts to the same thing.
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2 minutes ago, No_Problemo said:
Calling us “scummy” for wanting to weed out far right mutants at football is utterly f**king hilarious.
"Far right" Aye right!!!!
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Hopefully, unlike Rovers, we can reverse our form against Broon's Bruisers next weekend, they were our bogey team last season and it will be a test of the improvements to the team if we can get a result. I notice their scummy fans are mouthing off already on their thread.
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Remember seeing this outfit on a visit to Norway, some of the cars in the lot definitely looked rough!!
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And in other news, King Charles has been advised not to attend any public events in the USA. In view of recent events he is considered an easy target.
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HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.Shave armpits, legs and any other areas you keep trim.
Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your behind.
Get in the shower. Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck to the soap.Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
Yup, you know this is all true
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On 21/05/2024 at 20:32, scottsdad said:
I phoned my local B&Q to ask how big the queue is.
They said it is the same size as the B.
Hands up everyone that googled a picture of a B&Q store to check if this is true!
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Mothersmell
Oblivion Rovers
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The joke thread: a thread for camaraderie and hilarity
in The General Nonsense Forum
Posted