Thumper

Admittedly the Daily Record has exactly one staffer for Ayr United and about 716,000 for the Old Firm, so it makes sense that the latter might scoop the former on occasion. Still, that means that the club isn't even getting leaked by friendly press, but by the fucking Old Firm press.

The problem isn't really effort so much as talent. And even if this game does survive the wind it's unlikely to be Cruyff-esque at any juncture.

While some of the support are mercifully less online than people on here, surprise in-person scoops probably work quite a bit better if you don't leak the news to the press several hours beforehand.

Becoming predictable by doing something they haven't actually done at any recent point? As opposed to fans looking at the fucking weather and declaring "I see the dark hand of Graeme Mathie behind this".

What a welcome that would be. Getting announced in the pishing rain with a gale blowing in front of 500 very cold punters by some fat c**t wearing sunglasses at night.

Think tonight would be a great time to bring Coast back for a special on Greenan Castle, seeing as it's such a famous artefact of Oliver's home town.

I have to point out that I'd literally never heard of the word gilet until Bullen arrived.

Tynecastle is surely a bit more insulated against the wind? Not to mention that Dundee to Edinburgh is a bit less mental than Arbroath to Ayr.

Should just rename Somerset Road, which would also finally mean the song had the right number of syllables. Also that leads onto McCall Avenue. Gradually rename all the roads from Somerset to Heathfield after Ayr managers.

I understand that this is an automated system, but I just got an email from the club reminding me to buy a ticket for tonight.

Somerset doesn't really get churned up that badly. It's a really well-looked-after pitch. f**k all to be done about the wind though. At least it's a few hundred yards from the sea unlike Gayfield, but that doesn't help all that much. Should just put a giant net over it like a fives pitch. Would also reduce the mortal danger from divebombing seagulls.

In fairness it's not as if they wouldn't have taken said half day weeks ago, and it would be extraordinary to postpone a game for weather over a night in advance. And they'll still get paid. Fans are fucked though. Driving to Ayr from Arbroath and back again on a Tuesday night in hurricane weather sounds about as fun as the last ten minutes on the Titanic.

The scam is back. Even mentions the previous one.

There's no way Alex Williams pings in a 25-yard daisy cutter when there is a tornado warning tbf.

A multi-millionaire energy tycoon. If Forest Green's support is 100% gammon-free then congratulations to them.

It's one of the worst grounds in the country location-wise (a grim, silent march from stab central into the middle of nowhere) and Ayr get drawn against them one year in three anyway. The last game, most of the away support was still stuck in a massive pile-up to get in by the time Forrest scored, which was more than ten minutes in. That's leaving aside the experience of being in a zoo that's run by the animals. I'm sure there's a dedicate pod now, but it would be funny to send Sky Sports up some rickety skaffolding gantry in gale force winds again.

"Go to Wales" had them basically as furious as if Brother Walfrid had manifested in the corner anyway. Still. Pish draw that is ultimately basically nearly as beneficial to the club as the Akinyemi sale. Maybe even better if it does end up being Scott Brown and the tie ends up abandoned due to the UVF's entire remaining arsenal being confiscated before the gates.

I suspect his contract is a pittance, but that's because his purpose ostensibly extends beyond being the tricksy guy in fives who was an absolute pler 15 years ago. This makes the optics of what he's doing on the bench more rather than less important. Again yes, this is a fanecdote, but those are what influence optics.

Was that someone else a) paying to be there or b) being paid to be there?

Ayr are missing a trick not getting Zambia to just use the Ayr kit as their own like Celtic do with Buckie.

Those are braw. Always funny seeing photos taken explicitly from the other side's angle mind. Still, puts the shopping in Ayr (which no longer even has a fucking Argos) to shame.

It'll be Livi away, another dreadful pumping in front of this incredible atmosphere: Preference would be the winner of this afternoon's tie for the novelty, home or away.

Bleached fringe was one of the many horrors that the Ayr Academy catchment area inflicted on the town in the 90s. Maybe that's where Ronaldo got it. We did have Ayrton Senna already, so quite the influence on Brazil at that time.

There's another Airdrie joke in there, I'm sure.

If he then bleached it he would look like every teenager in Mossblown from 1994-98.