Charles Darwin Esq

I thank you sir for uncorking my juices. A most entertaining evening.

Oh go on! To hell with the proles sir!

No dear lady. Read it again.

Ah, but remember sir: direction is a relative concept. Whilst you are a northern b*****d to her, you're very much a southern b*****d to me, given my current locale. I shall therefore have my domestic return the handsome black pudding to the pantry.

Odd. I always considered Craigshill more southern. Damn you Mr Foxwell and your geographic inaccuracies!

I thank you for the advice, but shall respectfully decline on two counts: 1) "Normal" human beings do not necessarily profane to make a point when wit has a sharper blade. 2) Johnson & Shakespeare never met.

Quite so sir. Dickens was very wrong.

It is in winter.

How dare you sir?!?! Limp daffodils at dawn?

Not at all sir! My factor shall call upon your factor.

But did Dr Johnson not say "As the mind must govern the hands, so in every society the man of intelligence must direct the man of labour"?

Ah, but not all gentlemen are aristocrats. And not all aristocrats are gentlemen.

Dear lady, take a tip from nature. Sharks never pour their own chum, then follow its scent before impaling their impressive jaws on the waiting hooks. It makes them look very silly.

Sir, I like to think a gentleman is able to rise above the savage where limp daffodils are involved!

Oh dear! Even the great Souter has failed to hit the mark. I fear only one course of action remains open: The Hon Man. I know, I know, but extreme circumstances require extreme measures...

My dear chap, you have me worried. The last time we crossed literary swords it was a decent duel. Now it would be like fighting Mr Benn with a limp daffodil. I know nothing of this resignation malarkey but your quill has been blunted and no mistake. Take heart from the words of your city's finest wordsmith - no not the surrogate McGonagall, but the much admired Soapy Souter: "Jings Wullie! Ah canna go doon Stoorie Brae wi the Gaswork Gang waitin' at the other end!" Never ceases to inspire me in my dark moments that.

When in Rome etc etc

The WRVS shall learn of this outrage!

Actually, no I didn't. Is there another smiley for a mongtard you can use to avoid replication?

Jesus, shows how long I've been away! Last time I looked it was the ignoramii tag-teaming against us, now we're battling with each other? Can see why I don't come here any more...

2/10 - must improve

Well don't cry "unfair" again as you've been given a chance and knocked it back.

Go register again then and I'll activate it myself.

The man clearly knows quality when he sees it...