Dominique Malonga

Picture the scene : It’s the 31st of October 2018. Hearts are playing Hibs at Tynecastle. It’s the last minute and the score is locked at nil-nil. Hibs have a free kick 25 yards out. I’ve already been thrown out the ground for singing songs about Rudi Skacel and Wallace Mercer. Mallan steps up. Goal.

I watched a documentary recently and part of it was about dealers lacing their heroin with fentanyl, scary stuff. The best of it is, after a few junkies died from fentanyl laced smack all the other junkies on the area flocked to the dodgy dealer, thinking that his heroin must be strong and of really good quality.

The new lads are that high on the diddy stakes that their names are a mystery.

The only time you saw him and Ellie was at the end of the episode at the evictions the producers should’ve doctored the votes for the greater good and sent them home. Adam will be a miss, to think we’ll never hear “I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a connection”, hours after shamelessly patching another girl. Farewell old friend

Adam getting getting his marching orders whilst that total non entity Charlie sits there. Criminal.

Have Josh and Wes got the exact same pair of glasses on

Finish him Wes

I’m not going to sit here and say every Hearts fans is racist as that may not be true, but about 70% of the home support that half fill Tynecastle every second week definitely are. I appreciate i may be 5, maybe 10% off either way.

And we all know why two of those players were chased.

You honestly seem like a decent guy deep down mate but if you really want to up be held in high regard as a poster on here you need to sort the patter out. Speak to your fellow Hertz man Jamie Thomas and he’ll show you the way, or you could ask one of the Hibs lads on here, even fire a wee private message to one of the Hibs posters and whatever account I’m signed in to on that given day, I’ll be sure to get back to you.

90% of the new folk in the villa are instantly forgettable. Not going to lie when it cut to frankie at the pool I totally forgot who the f**k he was.

f**k me man that was difficult to watch, I genuinely thought about changing the channel for a few seconds as I couldn’t stand the awkwardness any longer.

We can see why he went with Megan tbf, she is an absolute 10/10 looks wise, I think her personality is poison though, a genuinely horrible person. It should also be noted that since her deformed thumb has been pointed out it’s the only thing I see when i look at her now, thumb like Fred Flinstone. Would like to see Wes back on terra firma as well as he is a bit of a boy. Speaking of genuinely horrible people step forward Samira. You’re absolutely right by the way, the sooner she gets the boot the the better, saying to Laura she never saw Megan and Wes coming despite telling Wes to go for it there have been numerous situations like that. Such a two faced wee witch with shite patter into the bargain. Meant to quote you there Sloop f**k knows what happened

Thought Wes was alright to start with but he got his just desserts after going for Megan, don’t get me wrong I think he was probably right to end it with Laura as she could do anyone’s tits in but he fucked himself big time and he’ll be spewing now. I can’t help but cringe at Alex now, was really rooting for him as well but he’s turned into a desperado, waking about giving it the “subs bench” patter after two girls show any slight bit of interest. I don’t know the name of the guy with the glasses that is coupled up with Megan now but I do know that I’d really like to repeatedly punch him in the face.

If there’s any justice in this world, Tariq will meet his maker in the form of a Glock19.

I actually thought that Josh was a genuine gadgey when he was with Georgia, probably the soundest boy in the villa after my man Jack. Not anymore. As soon as he entered Casa Amor he’s slowly but surely revealed himself to be an absolute p***k, can’t stand him now. Gon yourself G.

That’s just blatantly false. There is no such bus called “bobby sands csc” touring Europe this pre-season. It’s “the Gallant Bobby Sands MP” csc bus that’s on tour this summer and it’s pretty bloody decent, a bit cramped and the seats are not the comfiest but I’m enjoying it so far.

Naismith is a decent signing if he has signed. If he comes in and scores 5 goals then that could be the difference between hearts finishing 9th instead of 10th this season.

I’m sure I read that Lennon was keen on him and I expected us to move for him, he’d be a good singing for Hearts if he was to stay fit.

To be fair, Crawford isn’t a 6’3 hammer throwing diddy so you can see why Levein is wanting a look at him first. If he sees that he can potentially transform him into a defensive minded hatchet man with a penchant for aimless hoofs up the park then rest assured, Crawford will be offered a three year deal.

It’s no my scene either, don’t get me wrong I could go and it would probably be alright for 4 days or a week or so but Ibiza doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest anymore. I’ve got a few mates doing the season over there and it seem such a fake and superficial lifestyle.

I do get at least one sobering thought once every episode or two “Dom f**k sake what is this shite, get a grip of yourself, imagine your dad caught you watching this”. I actually have mates that try and emulate the boys on the show, you know the type, season tickets for ocean beach, saying things like it’s going off and all that shite, they’re not taking the piss either. Cringeworthy in the extreme It really is a show for the lowest of the low and it sucks me in every year.