Doctor Manhattan

Top six still on, aye?

I hope Caldwell tracks down whoever extended his contract and gives them a medal. FTFM

I hope Caldwell tracks down whoever extended his contract and strangles the c**t with his own intestines.

How's the pitch playing? Any fatalities yet?

Their tweet mentions the referee, whose job it is to make sure a pitch is safely playable - or not. If it's not, that's not the ref's fault.

You might expect this after an exciting/controversial/VAR-ridden encounter with loads of goals and a couple of sending offs, but this one doesn't even kick off until tomorrow (fingers crossed!) The Rangers v Motherwell thread last month ran to 17 pages, but that was after our first Ibrox league win in 27 years, and it also included ten pages of the currants greeting about what they claimed was the worst tackle since Harald Schumacher in 1982.

Zooming in, you could be right there, but if the rain worsens he may well rock up tomorrow with a submariner.

The resolution on this video grab isn't good enough to say exactly what model it is, but pretty sure it isn't a chrono...

Quantum entanglement, probably. The iron cream is gorgeous too - pure filth in fact - but I just can't see past that enamel fumé. It's pretty much unique. Funnily enough I looked at a Tokyo a couple of years ago (the Anniversary Toki, not the GMT) and the salmon dial was pure filth as well.

Crackers! Shame you couldn't keep them both.

The good news is that anOrdain have started taking orders again if you're already on their waiting list, and I have just put down a deposit to reserve one of the earliest available actual build slots. The bad news is that this “early” slot is in – wait for it – 2029! On the plus side, that gives me 5 years to decide which colour to go for. (Currently still favouring the plum, but the Payne’s Grey is slowly growing on me.) Fingers crossed I’m still alive when the time comes to choose.

There are days when I prefer "Cast Of Thousands" to "Crossing the Red Sea", and "Setting Sons" to "All Mod Cons", but there's no way they can go in a punk list. I also couldn't quite bring myself to put "Never Mind The Bollocks" in my list, even though "Bodies" would probably make my Top Ten Songs list.

Not another fucking draw? I'd take the point now, tbqhwy.

1. Stiff Little Fingers – Inflammable Material 2. The Adverts – Crossing the Red Sea with The Adverts 3. The Stranglers – Rattus Norvegicus 4. Dead Kennedys – Fresh Fruit For Rotting Vegetables 5. The Jam – All Mod Cons Is 5 punk? Close enough, I'd say.

My head knows it's insulation, but every time I see it I can't help hearing the Cresta bear...

Play the first half in Dundee, then if the pitch is fucked everyone has 30 minutes to get to Perth for the second half, Death Race 2000 style.

A "US-based family". It's the Glazers, isn't it?

For those of a certain age, it's a relatively recent development designed to elicit not "what you know" but "what you know you know", and how your learning and self-actualisation might be bettered going forward. If you've already passed the actual exams/coursework with flying colours it's the icing on the cake. If you're on a borderline pass/fail situation, it can actually tip the balance for you one way or the other. "Aye, turns out I know f**k all, but I'm smart enough to realise that now and I promise to study more next time rather than pissing the whole term away down the snooker club."

Easily fixed. Fire Celtic and Rangers into a central African league (or the sun, either works for me) then have two divisions of 18, with 9 promoted/relegated every season. Well, a man can dream...

It's funny how everyone seems to want a rare away day when the third round cup draw comes along, but is presumed to be just fine about playing Ross County or St Johnstone (or Motherwell, of course) four times a season. You seldom hear anyone saying, "Brilliant, it's Livingston again tomorrow!"

ToO mAnY MeAnInGleSS gAMeS

What's the difference between this game and the eye-bleeding fare served up at Fir Park yesterday? About £2bn.