Limericks

[Unleash The Nade]

I'll start with this feeble attempt

The website thats called P&B

Where people post things all can see

The topics they vary and some are quite scary

Like the posters who use it 'cept me !

[wunfellaff]

There was a man who liked limericks,

but most of his posts they were sick,

what a waste of a thread,

he should have stayed in his bed,

all in all what a dick.

[capybara]

There was a young man called Capy

He always seemed quite happy

He likes a drink

Now he is tied to the sink

And life seems a bit crappy.

[Cowden Blue]

There was a wee weegie called Tam,

Who bought some smack aff his mam,

He jagged it right in,

Cos his arms were so thin,

He went white and OD'd the wee lamb.

[Gaz]

There was a Hearts poster called Nade,

Who came across as a wee laddie,

His threads were pure shite,

And so later tonight,

He'll go home just to cry to his Daddy.

[Monster]

Ode to Steve Bowey:

There was an auld man from Dumfries,

Whose hair was receding to Greece,

Opponents he'll barge,

Box to box he'll charge,

Thank f**k he signed for Brian Reid!

[Hibernia22]

There was an old hooker named Chariff,

who let out a monstrous queef,

with the grace of a swan,

she said to her John,

“Does anyone else smell roast beef?”

[Sooky]

There was a man called Dave

Who kept a dead whore in a cave

He said "I admit

I am a bit of a shit

But think of the money I save".

[Hibernia22]

There once was a girl from Whick,

who said to her Mum “What’s a dick?”,

she said “My dear Annie,

it goes up your fanny,

and jumps up and down till it’s sick.”

[Rugster]

I like Hugh Grant's from Bridget Jones:

There was a young lady from Ealing,

Who had a peculiar feeling

She lay on her back

And opened her crack

And pissed all over the ceiling

[Sooky]

I knew an old bitch,

She had an awful itch,

I offered to scratch it,

But cut her head off with a hatchet,

Now the old bitch no longer has an itch

[Pink Freud]

I knew an old bitch,

She had an awful itch,

I offered to scratch it,

But cut her head off with a hatchet,

Now the old bitch no longer has an itch

Scary

There was a young man called Sooky

Who decided to have a wee lookey

At an awful old bitch

with a terrible itch

Then he murdered her the vicious b*****d.

[Bibby]

Scary

There was a young man called Sooky

Who decided to have a wee lookey

At an awful old bitch

with a terrible itch

Then he murdered her the vicious b*****d.

There once was a man named Pink Freud,

Resembling an acute anal haemorrhoid.

He posts on this forum,

With such obnoxious decorum,

He's someone you should really avoid.

[Hugh Man]

There once was a man named Pink Freud,

Resembling an acute anal haemorrhoid.

He posts on this forum,

With such obnoxious decorum,

He's someone you should really avoid.

There was a lad called Bibby,

Kids on hes a Hibby,

Went out on the town,

Pulled a guy in a gown,

Hes now got the HIV...vy.

[Pink Freud]

There once was a man named Pink Freud,

Resembling an acute anal haemorrhoid.

He posts on this forum,

With such obnoxious decorum,

He's someone you should really avoid.

Lovely effort. You w****r.

[Tryfield]

I went to the match with Ayrmad,

T'was nice to see him and his dad,

What a wonderful sight,

Seeing Ayr up for a fight,

But Morton, by fcuk they are bad.

[Monster]

I went to the match with Ayrmad,

T'was nice to see him and his dad,

What a wonderful sight,

Seeing Ayr up for a fight,

But Morton, by fcuk they are bad.

Great effort there!

Except it's never nice to see Ayrmad - he's a c**t.

[el Gringo]

I'll go with the old classic...

There was a young man from Nantucket

Whose dick was so long he could suck it

He said with a grin

Wiping spunk from his chin

"If my ear was a c**t I would f**k it"

[Tryfield]

Except it's never nice to see Ayrmad - he's a c**t.

Ye missed oot "torn faced" and "moaning".

[Ray Vaughn]

There was a young man from Keith

Who circumcised men with his teeth

It was not for treasure

Nor even sexual pleasure

It was to get at the cheese underneath!