Swarley Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 In the Bank of Scotland call centre they said you weren’t supposed to use phrases like ‘No problem’ as both words are negative and subliminally affect the customer. A huge load of bollocks of course.The cause of the 2008 GFC is finally revealed. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted April 5, 2019 Share Posted April 5, 2019 Baracus the fracus terrible ceo of pram banking corp 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 Boss has just emailed to tell me to "tidy up the fag packet" before our meeting this afternoon. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OSP Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 On 04/04/2019 at 13:56, DA Baracus said: In the Bank of Scotland call centre they said you weren’t supposed to use phrases like ‘No problem’ as both words are negative and subliminally affect the customer. A huge load of bollocks of course. I might have been the cause of that. Speaking to an old English fart complaining and said "I'll get that sorted, no problem" and he went fucking tonto about how there was a problem, and that's why he was calling. Went on a mental rant for about 10 minutes. Think the call got used in training, though they tended not to play the part where I hung up on him for calling me a "sweaty sock"... That was back in the days were you were able to get pished at your desk on a Friday afternoon. Great times. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 Boss has just emailed to tell me to "tidy up the fag packet" before our meeting this afternoon. Euph? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nsr Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 2 hours ago, Cardinal Richelieu said: Boss has just emailed to tell me to "tidy up the fag packet" before our meeting this afternoon. It's terrible when the homosexual members of staff make such a mess, but he should be a bit more polite about it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UsedToGoToCentralPark Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 “As part of our realignment program, management is currently evaluating various strategies, including additional employee separation programs," Cognizant said.New way to say making people redundant. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 Has any one been asked to "add some granularity"? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herman Hessian Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 5 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said: Has any one been asked to "add some granularity"? yup - tea/coffee making terminology - correct response is "one lump or two ?" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 11 hours ago, Cardinal Richelieu said: Boss has just emailed to tell me to "tidy up the fag packet" before our meeting this afternoon. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted May 7, 2019 Share Posted May 7, 2019 (edited) A game I sometimes like to play is Chinese polysyllabics - use an obscure word and see how long it takes for one of the big bosses to parrot it back. A while back I called a task Sisyphean in nature during a meeting - within a couple of weeks it was the buzzword du jour amongst the higher echelons of management which was all the funnier because I'd told folk up front I was going to get them using it. Edited May 7, 2019 by Hillonearth 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bell™ Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 My work decided that they needed to know how many desk drawers my team is using, and they've to be calculated in 'linear meters'. They also decided that each drawer should be counted as one linear meter, regardless of its actual physical dimension. therefore they just wanted the drawers counted, then multiplied by 1. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tarapoa Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 Our firm has been acquired by another firm. The new CEO sounds alright, and mentioned no short term changes, but that there will likely be "synergies" further down the line. "synergies" clearly equals "mass bladderings" but he was too corporately nice to say that 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fullerene Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 17 hours ago, Hillonearth said: A game I sometimes like to play is Chinese polysyllabics - use an obscure word and see how long it takes for one of the big bosses to parrot it back. A while back I called a task Sisyphean in nature during a meeting - within a couple of weeks it was the buzzword du jour amongst the higher echelons of management which was all the funnier because I'd told folk up front I was going to get them using it. This reminds me of colleague who was definitely a "word of the week" kind of person. One week, his favourite word was "dovetail". "It is important that for us to be a solid, dependable and effective supplier that we can dutifully dovetail our services to match the requirements of our customers." .. but of course, how could I ever have thought otherwise If it had stopped there fine but it did not. Later on, we were talking about football and I asked why a manager might substitute a striker for defender or the other way around instead of just like for like. Guess what. "Sometimes it is necessary to change the structure of the team on the park but then the new player has to be able to dovetail into the structure that is already there apart from the player being replaced." I doubt you could talk to him about the weather, or anything else, without him using his word of the week. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fullerene Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 On 04/04/2019 at 18:14, D.A.F.C said: Don’t forget the laser pen, in case people don’t understand that words mean words. Does PowerPoint have a bouncy ball option similar to sing-a-along songs? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 9 minutes ago, Fullerene said: Does PowerPoint have a bouncy ball option similar to sing-a-along songs? I once attended a talk by a prominent professor in my field who had travelled all the way from Australia to my work to speak to us. He had a Powerpoint with pictures and words along the bottom and the bouncy ball thing was in full effect. He had even had audio of him speaking the words, even though he was standing in the room at the time. Baffling stuff from the Ozzy. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 1 hour ago, Fullerene said: This reminds me of colleague who was definitely a "word of the week" kind of person. One week, his favourite word was "dovetail". "It is important that for us to be a solid, dependable and effective supplier that we can dutifully dovetail our services to match the requirements of our customers." .. but of course, how could I ever have thought otherwise If it had stopped there fine but it did not. Later on, we were talking about football and I asked why a manager might substitute a striker for defender or the other way around instead of just like for like. Guess what. "Sometimes it is necessary to change the structure of the team on the park but then the new player has to be able to dovetail into the structure that is already there apart from the player being replaced." I doubt you could talk to him about the weather, or anything else, without him using his word of the week. Sometimes it is necessary for the clouds to dovetail with the wind in order for the rain to fall elsewhere. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fullerene Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 4 hours ago, Jacksgranda said: Sometimes it is necessary for the clouds to dovetail with the wind in order for the rain to fall elsewhere. Thank you for this reply. It was able to effectively dovetail into point I was making. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 17 hours ago, Fullerene said: Thank you for this reply. It was able to effectively dovetail into point I was making. Sometimes it is necessary for a boot to dovetail with a pie to get a point across. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 Sometimes it is necessary for a boot to dovetail with a pie to get a point across.Yo dawg I heard you like dovetail so I dovetailed your dovetail so you can dovetail while you dovetail. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.