DA Baracus Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Whilst not technically corporate speak, it nips the f**k out of me on cooking shows when professional chefs refer to a bit of a meat as 'the protein' or 'a protein'. Pipe down. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamaldo Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Heard the "low-hanging fruit" one today at work. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P.C Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I had to attend a "town hall session" yesterday... Thankfully i manage to dodge out of most of these Heard the "low-hanging fruit" one today at work. Fudging hate it when folk use that one 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nsr Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 My boss likes to say "OK who's got the bandwidth to look at this?" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
banana Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Much chat of "open communication" today, there was also a "team time" meeting. All from HR, shoot me. Actually, the term HR itself is fcuking wankhammery - we're back to workers being called not just resources again, but humans. Stick it up your fcking arsehole, cheers. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheScarf Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 My boss likes to say "OK who's got the bandwidth to look at this?" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florentine_Pogen Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I had to attend a "town hall session" yesterday... John Lewis / Waitrose perchance ? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nsr Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 We also used to have a project manager who regularly tried to encourage us to greater things by saying stuff like "This is your top priority, get on it like hair on a bear!". If someone asked him to come over and look at something he'd say "I'll be there in two shakes of a lamb's tail". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raidernation Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Some of this talk about meetings reminded me of when I was teaching in Aberdeen and we were constantly having management meetings about what to have meetings about and how to have them all to do with Curriculum for Excellence. I think by the time I'd left I'd been to at least 5 or 6 of these, but we'd still not got round to actually having the CfE meetings. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dariusz Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Heard a new one this week....."who is he facing off with?" wtf are you talking about? Ends up meaning "who's his contact". Complete roasters, the lot of them. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigjerseybuddie Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Coming back from any training days we are now expected to "cascade" what we've learned to our colleagues. Another one that twists my nuts is "silo" mainly because I can't get where it's supposed to fit. I just want to walk out the door and not go back when they start there shite. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigjerseybuddie Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Oops " their shite" .on second thoughts, no " they're shite" that's better. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I had to attend a "town hall session" yesterday... We have them too, if everyone's required to listen to the latest shite idea. If there's just a few invited, the latest buzzword is "cabal". Makes my heart pump piss sometimes. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
endieinreekie Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Our chief executive came up with a good idea the other day, 'punching through our job descriptions'. I think he means doing stuff we don't normally do. If so, he can go f**k himself, I can't even be bothered doing what I'm supposed to be doing, let alone anything else 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Our chief executive came up with a good idea the other day, 'punching through our job descriptions'. I think he means doing stuff we don't normally do. If so, he can go f**k himself, I can't even be bothered doing what I'm supposed to be doing, let alone anything else Have you thought about a career in public service. I like the cut of your gib! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
endieinreekie Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 You need to punch through your chief executive. See how the fannyflap likes that. Tempting 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
endieinreekie Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Have you thought about a career in public service. I like the cut of your gib!Too late, am already an employee of the Scottish Government 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Too late, am already an employee of the Scottish Government A fine institution I had the honour of putting my jacket on the back of a chair in. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
endieinreekie Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 A fine institution I had the honour of putting my jacket on the back of a chair in.An institution that is lucky to have had both our coats sitting on the backs of chairs. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 An institution that is lucky to have had both our coats sitting on the backs of chairs. I am oiling the machinery of government elsewhere now, alas. I now have jackets on chairs throughout the UK, all suggesting but not quite confirming my presence. I'm meeting challenges head on, by thinking outside the box. I celebrate success by providing development opportunities to colleagues. Delegating and empowering decision makers to ensure stakeholders remain engaged in the key areas. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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