H_B Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Just told a group of people I would "disseminate the information" to them, rather than simply "send it". I felt like a right pillock. You should have said you would socialise it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HTG Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 I'm going to a team meeting in Windermere later this week. That's right, fuckin Windermere. This isn't business speak per se (percy) but does any other c**t get "fun" enforced on them. We've got a treasure hunt on the agenda starting after dinner at 8pm. f**k THAT! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vacamion Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 (edited) Made me think of this guy. So my wife's colleague was a fan of the IT crowd and no one called him out on it.... sweet, he must have been on the wind up. I'm going to a team meeting in Windermere later this week. That's right, fuckin Windermere. This isn't business speak per se (percy) but does any other c**t get "fun" enforced on them. We've got a treasure hunt on the agenda starting after dinner at 8pm. f**k THAT! What ever happened to a good old fashioned free bar and excessive alcohol intake until the small hours? Now THAT is fun. Sigh. About ten years ago I went to a management team meeting in Coventry or somewhere and we (a group of 8 men, all over 30, some were over 40) were led out into the carpark and stood in circle where we threw a bean bag around to our colleagues, the recipient had to name a "business blocker" then throw the bag on to the next victim... I recall that we were all a bit embarrassed by it and some of the guys dropped the bag. [ETA - sorting out who was over 30 and 40] Edited May 20, 2014 by Vacamion 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booker-T Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 had to tell one person that she needed more training to improve her quality in her current role before getting involved in other parts of the business - she's been there for ages! Telling somebody how shit they are at their job is frowned upon in some companies. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Koop Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 There's prima facie evidence to suggest use of Latin phrases is bloody annoying. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Koop Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 At my final (4th! FFS) interview for Hilti (back in 1992) I was asked by the area manager to "sell me this ashtray" Can't remember what I did but I got the job Hit the b*****d with it. Perhaps he/she didn't smoke. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophia Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 "the document is silent on that matter" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ginger Prince Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Reply I got to my resignation letter.. 'I have touched base and connected the document to your manager, who will implement the changes needed going forward'. Thank f**k I don't have to go back there. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
banana Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 'I have touched base and connected the document to your manager, who will implement the changes needed going forward'. Good fkin lord... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Reply I got to my resignation letter.. 'I have touched base and connected the document to your manager, who will implement the changes needed going forward'. Thank f**k I don't have to go back there. Did he staple it to his head? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P.C Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Reply I got to my resignation letter.. 'I have touched base and connected the document to your manager, who will implement the changes needed going forward'. Thank f**k I don't have to go back there. Nothing better than touching base when you need to assess resource for improving the customer experience accross the piece while we still settle for Aggressive mediocrity 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjc Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 on the Borders Rail Project we had a comments box for "suggestions cards" which were for all things ranging from health & safety to complaints....... someone anonymously put one in complaining that "the management in its entirety are cnuts"..........my comment of him "having a fcuking point" didn't go down too well! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
banana Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 http://www.forbes.com/sites/brettarends/2014/06/08/how-to-speak-mckinsey-15-key-phrases-to-pass-yourself-off-as-a-top-management-consultant/ Good fcuking lord. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 "Annual leave". No, it's a fucking holiday. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteRoseKillie Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I work in the Public Sector, and things ain't any better than they are in the exciting environment of the Corporate Jungle. What we do, we've been doing (in an organised, national fashion) for over a hundred years. No amount of technology will make it quicker, and the only real indicator of performance is that the numbers are the same at night as they were in the morning. Does that stop the blue-sky thinkers and envelope-pushers? Does it fúck. KPIs, KPTs, SLAs, they love their fucking acronyms, these bástards. Every year (two at most), the high heid yins come up with some massive new strategy to improve our service. Oh, we've got clients andf stakeholders like you wouldn't believe, all of whom have their interests best-served, apparently, by de-skilling and reducing "resources" (or "people" as we used to call them), and introducing "new ways of working". Generally speaking, it's about six months before somebody at Head Office realises that they've made an almighty fúck-up. Faced with a situational change from something which worked to something that doesn't, wouldn't the best idea be to go back to the tried and tested and think again? Nope, we'll shitstorm more fúcking changes and blame any disasters (and there's been more than a few) on the poor bastárds trying to do their job while being swamped from above with massive documents with titles like "Fair & Sustainable", "Expectations", or "Agenda for Change". We've just undergone a process where our Business development team (remember when I said we're a public service?) gave us a new profile for how to run our area. Whenever we pointed out the unworkable, unrealistic or plain wrong areas in this profile, we were told to "operationalise" the profile. After all three of the team had used this word at least three times, I asked, "do you mean re-write it?" The answer was "yes" - I got some kudos from my boss, if not from the wonks across the table when I suggested that if we'd done that in the first place, we could have chalked their salaries for the last two years up as "efficiency savings". Cúnts, every one of them. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteRoseKillie Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 "Annual leave". No, it's a fucking holiday. It's a fucking myth at our place at the moment. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mizfit Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 "We take the fear out of uncertainty" seems to be a favourite at the moment 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boghead ranter Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 http://www.forbes.com/sites/brettarends/2014/06/08/how-to-speak-mckinsey-15-key-phrases-to-pass-yourself-off-as-a-top-management-consultant/ Good fcuking lord. We've had McKinsey working with us for a while now. The 'We're currently in the diagnostic phase' response has been a particular favourite of mine. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlyerTon Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Do you have a mechanism for that information? F*** off. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjc Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Do you have a mechanism for that information? F*** off. Lets put that in the ideas fridge and snack on it later......... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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