Jacksgranda Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 Well another resources meeting today where programmes were about to be reviewed to see if some difficult decisions could be made to view the bottom line in a more favourable light. My boss also said today that we need to be thinking more like a sunrise industry. Twat. He should become a milk delivery man... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 I've always considered the idea of working in an office to be pretty much like hell on earth except a wee but worse. This thread confirms it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 One I got in the past listed their responsibilities as "making sales, cash handling/balancing, stock control and display." She worked on an ice cream van. To be fair, that's what she should say. If she just said 'worked on an ice cream van' then she'd get nowhere. Everyone has to start somewhere. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cracowjambo Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 One I got in the past listed their responsibilities as "making sales, cash handling/balancing, stock control and display." She worked on an ice cream van. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dariusz Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 I've always considered the idea of working in an office to be pretty much like hell on earth except a wee but worse. This thread confirms it. Sometimes it depends on what level you're at. In my experience, most of this bullshit goes on from team leader/assistant manager level upwards, so if you're on the bottom rung you either don't hear it or get away with laughing at the twats who use these words. When you start to move up the tree a bit you get this f**k-wittery from all angles and it's a constant battle between trying to keep your job or taking everyone out in a Michael Douglas Falling Down kinda way. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P.C Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 I think when you get to management level it must be like the Clockwork Orange they strap you to a chair and play management BS phrases until its burned into your brain On the ice cream van chat I used to tell people when I was 18 I was a transport supervisor. I was a trolley boy.. Hate the KPI's, PDA or PDI whatever company you are working for. Always try to find the most complicated way to say "isn't useless at his job" or "great at his job can apply for a better one". Key indicators as well, and bloody competencies as well 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 More meetings today regarding the Transformation Agenda. Is that the same as redecorating? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stag Nation Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 I had a new Chief Exec once who used his first meeting with the management team to unveil his new vision of the company. This turned the traditional model on its head. An inverted pyramid, with the customers at the top, supported by the first-line staff, supported in turn by various layers of management and directors and with him, the CEO, supporting the lot. After obtaining "buy-in" (i.e. no-one daft enough to question it), he then rather spoiled things by asking us to go out and "cascade that downwards". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Koop Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 (edited) About a year back a colleague of mine received an email that ended 'nice to e-meet you'. My pet hates are the oldest ones: 'good progress', 'going forward', 'touching base'. They all add to the sense some people in business should be kept alive to see their innards force fed to their weeping soon-to-be widows.In the meantime, here's to bad progress going backwards. Edited April 30, 2014 by Dr Koop 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Koop Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 Oh yes, and use the word 'hike' to describe an increase and you're dogfood. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 Oh yes, and use the word 'hike' to describe an increase and you're dogfood. That really annoys me - stupid Americanism, imo, increase is perfectly acceptable. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zetterlund Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 I overheard a new one today, when a colleague was on the phone - "I don't want to be the one to throw the pebble into the pond". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LinkinFighter Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 People in my place are constantly on about having catch ups. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Easy Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 Much chat of "open communication" today, there was also a "team time" meeting. All from HR, shoot me. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAFC Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I overheard a new one today, when a colleague was on the phone - "I don't want to be the one to throw the pebble into the pond". I hope you punched him. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I hope you punched him. Stakeholder robust interface 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjc Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I overheard a new one today, when a colleague was on the phone - "I don't want to be the one to throw the pebble into the pond". The way in which I left my last contract would be corporately described as "shat in the swimming pool" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjc Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Much chat of "open communication" today, there was also a "team time" meeting. All from HR, shoot me. You gotta love the Human Remains department! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gordon EF Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 The word "solutions" seems to be popular among business-speak wankstains at the moment. I saw a company name of something like 'Enclosure Solutions". Yes, that's right, they made cardboard fucking boxes. Just f**k off. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thundermonkey Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I had to attend a "town hall session" yesterday... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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