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ICTChris

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Ivor Cutler - Life in a Scotch Sitting Room

"Although it were a pattern, crumbs on the carpet weren't wanted

We were obliged to kneel and eat cream crackers with butter and gouda on a white plate

With our heads inside the sideboard, this was a treat

Because there was room for four and, in the luminous gloom, we whispered jokes

So that when laughter rose, showers of buttery spitty crumbs flew out our mouths like starlings

And lodged against the aromatic mahogany; second magnitude stars

If somebody choked, you got quite big bits

The children micturated onto a large sponge which sat by the window

If it was boys, the girls had to look hard at their sewing with their fingers by their ears

If it was girls, the boys had to cluster in a group in a far corner whilst Grandpa showed them a postcard of the Roke by Venus in colour and explained it to them

Till the girls knickers were safely up again and hidden

The adults just did it out the window

Standing or sitting according to taste or sex

Voiding the bowels in those days was unheard of, people just kept it in

Grandma wrung the sponge out the window twice a day in summer

Seven in winter, never without a grim twinkle in her eyes, or at least what seemed to be a grim twinkle."

Edited by Frank Booth
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