xbl Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 f**k sake, are you ever happy? No. Pretty much never. Although if everythings against me and its all going badly, I've got a lovely line in gallows humour. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reynard Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 I was sitting on a bench with my daughter this morning down the beach watching my son throw sand at passers by. Next to us an older couple parked up and out they got and unleashed this knackered looking border collie. It was one of those nervous dogs that looks as if it had been thrashed to within an inch of its life. So the dug wanders over to the sea wall and sort of waits for its master to come along and put its lead on. The wifie then glances skyward and declares that there is a kite flying in the sky.(about a mile away) So the man then says "no we have to leave. She just won't enjoy herself knowing it's there". So he opens the back door and the ancient dog scuttles in. Then the wifie says I wonder why she wont go for walks when there are kites flying. And the bloke says, it's probably some instinct thing from 2 million years ago when dinosaurs were flying in the sky. I don't know. It just pissed me off. I wish my son had thrown sand in his face instead of the nice sensible couples he was doing it to. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Sionnach Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Berwick lost. Scotland lost. Poland lost. Wales lost. The Republic only drew. England won! And the daft old 84 year old bat in the downstairs flat fell asleep whilst boiling up a pan of cabbage and burnt it. Now the whole place smells like the opening paragraph of Orwell's 1984: The hallway smelt of boiled cabbage and old rag mats. Could have been worse I suppose - she might have burnt the whole place down! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Phoenix Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Kilted lunatics who are prone to exaggerate. The average lifespan of a bat is 30 - 40 years. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Sionnach Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 (edited) Kilted lunatics who are prone to exaggerate. Right, all the fottie footie results are correct so I can only assume you're referring to the old bat boiling her cabbage pan dry. Honestly, the whole place was reeking. When I chapped her door, she apologised and said that it was only her daughter phoning her that had woken her up and, when her daughter said 'You seem to be coughing a lot mum' she realised the pan was still on the stove and her flat was full of smoke. I kid you not - the whole place was reeking for hours afterwards! It's only a small place.... SEE! Edit: 1. I couldn't spell 'footie' and 2. The whole 'bat' thing has just wooshed me! Edited March 30, 2009 by Kilt 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whistle Blower Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 My son has new shoes. When he walks he now spends all his time admiring his new shoes, and not noticing where he is going. His napper is close to resembling a noughts and crosses grid with bruising. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Phoenix Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 The whole 'bat' thing has just wooshed me! I really can't believe you fell for that. Your original post lays claim to an 84 year old bat. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Sionnach Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I really can't believe you fell for that. Your original post lays claim to an 84 year old bat. 1. Yes I did fall for it..... 2. I Googleimaged '84 year old bat' andd got this.... ....which is a pretty good likeness of the demented potential arsonist! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Phoenix Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 She's either pregnant or someone has "possessed" her stomach - it looks like an imprint of a face is pushing through her rather sexy looking dress. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Sionnach Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Pregnant? What a thought! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Sionnach Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Not content with leaving me on my own for four and half days last week, my Admin Officer has now taken it on himself to bugger off for the rest of today to get the office car 'valeted'. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Sionnach Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 A mate has just got in touch to arrange us going to the Scotland game. 'Where are you sitting. We're in the North Stand'. Guess what, I'm in the South Stand! So cue much milling around after the game amidst the Tartan clad throng before we meet up again to go home! Typical! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
squidger Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Tiny splinters, really pixxes me off when i get one, try to remove push it deepr by mistake, then end up cutting chunks of flesh out of myself to try and be rid of the little sucker. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave258 Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Kilt, why not go on the Tartan Army Message Board, or the Tartan Army bit on here, and post a thread saying you're looking to swap one South Stand ticket for a North Stand one. There'll likely be someone in a similar situation to yourself who'd gladly swap. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gall09 Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 The amount of time in-between the host saying "And the winner is" and then actually announcing it. It's not one show in particular (though it was watching Taste the Nation with Nick Hancock that made me realise), but they are really ripping the arse out of it now. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gall09 Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 The new Uncle Ben advert wi the "wacky dad". "What's for dinner dad?" "Stir Fry" *makes stupid face and waves kitchen utensils about* "Dad" is a p***k. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breaking Decency Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 After laughing at the inability of some who couldn't correct their P&B time issues, my forum clock decided to go off today. Don't understand why today and not yesterday. I completely forgot how to correct it too 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Sionnach Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Kilt, why not go on the Tartan Army Message Board, or the Tartan Army bit on here, and post a thread saying you're looking to swap one South Stand ticket for a North Stand one. There'll likely be someone in a similar situation to yourself who'd gladly swap. Good idea buddy, I might just do that! My PTTGOYN - organisations who make home appointments with you then fail to show up. 'We'll be round at your flat at 10:00am'. Come 10:45am there's still no sign of them. Now I'm going to have to phone up and make another appointment. Needless to say my boss wisnae too impressed either! And I have another problem, rather like the bits left over when you assemble flat-pack furniture. My TV is all set up, the DVD is plugged in and working, my Freeview access is fine and all the SCART leads and whatnot are functioning. But I've been left with this... ...there's no mention of it in the instruction booklet and I have absolutely no idea what it is for or where it should go. Unfortunately, with my filthy mind, it reminds me of a clitoris stimulating cock-ring......but surely they wouldn't include that as a bonus gift with a telly, would they?! Anyone any idea at all what it is and/or what it's for? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
endieinreekie Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 For keeping all the wires together? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Sionnach Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Really? I must get my mind out of the sewer! It's defunct then as my TV stand came with a purpose built cable management system so no trailing wires for me. If I strike lucky with my neebors, Yvette and Hazel, I might actually use it as what I first thought it was! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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