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Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...


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T in the fucking park. More specifically, people with obligations blowing them off to go and stand in a fucking muddy field for 3 days pretending that they can hear the 'music' no doubt being spouted by a barely legal blonde wummin who can't sing so talks instead.

Ok, so it was only a pre-season against Airdrie and maybe still being pissed off about the attendance level is slightly obsessive but we have only one fucking home game in the first month and a half of the season and the club need the money. Get yer fucking priorities right.

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The bloke across the road has, for reasons unknown, parked an olive green Vauxhall Corsa in his garden.

Now, I'm not going to pretend he's spoiling a perfect neighbourhood, but is there a bigger sign of a jakie family than a car parked on the front lawn?

I'm looking out for a fridge and a tractor tyre in the near future.

Don't forget the old, usually fawn coloured couch.

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Females ( sorry, but it is always females) at Burger Vans, and similar type establishments.

Look girls, get it into your heads - these places are for quick, basic foodstuffs - okay ? Stop being so f******* fussy !!!!!

A couple of rules:-

1) If you want a roll on suasage & onion - ready for this one - ASK for "a roll on sausage & onions" - don't ask for "a roll on sausage" then when it's being put in the bag, pipe up "can I have some onion on that?"

2) Bacon - Take it how you're given it - Other folk don't have the time, nor inclination to wait for it to be the exact perfect level of crispiness for your oh-so picky self

3) Sauce, mayo, vinegar etc - At Burger vans, you have 2 options - "Some" or "none" - There are no such quantities as "a wee drop", "hardly any" , "loads", "just a touch" etc, etc.

According to a mate's mate there is a Burger Van somehwere in Paisley which offers rolls filled with a choice of egg, bacon, burger, black pudding, tattie scone, sausage - and nothing else - No "bacon with the fat cut off", "sausage & egg with the yolk burst" , "black pudding and sausage, with brown sauce, but just on the black pudding" or any other rubbish like that - It allegedly displays a sign proclaiming "You want it "Your way" ? - Go to Burger King!"

Admittedly, this has an "urban myth" ring to it, but how I wish all Burger Vans were like this !

Edited by Ade Eyemond
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1) If you want a roll on suasage & onion - ready for this one - ASK for "a roll on sausage & onions" - don't ask for "a roll on sausage" then when it's being put in the bag, pipe up "can I have some onion on that?"

I'm sorry, but I need to do this.

Never in my life have I placed a roll on top of a sausage before consumption. Roll and sausage. Roll n sausage. Roll on?

No.

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I'm sorry, but I need to do this.

Never in my life have I placed a roll on top of a sausage before consumption. Roll and sausage. Roll n sausage. Roll on?

No.

No you are wrong big man, its roll on sausage.

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It's really, really not.

It really, really is.

It's a roll on sausage if you eat like an idiot!

Wrong again sir.

It's roll on sausage.

A sausage roll is a pastry treat.

Exactly on both counts.

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It's roll on sausage.

A sausage roll is a pastry treat.

Do place a sausage on a plate, then sit a roll on top of your sausage?

No, you don't, because that would be fucking silly. You place the sausage inside the roll. Am I saying it's a sausage roll? No. I'm saying it's a roll AND sausage.

Wrong again sir.

See above.

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Do place a sausage on a plate, then sit a roll on top of your sausage?

No, you don't, because that would be fucking silly. You place the sausage inside the roll. Am I saying it's a sausage roll? No. I'm saying it's a roll AND sausage.

See above.

Roll AND sausage sounds gay. Who the fúck cares anyway.

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