Toma_BullyWee Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 YOU KNOW f**k ALL ABOUT REAL LIFE! SHUT UP, SHUT UP RIGHT NOW.I felt it was necessary to post in BOLD. Hahaha. That upset you, did it boy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephen1877 Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 The place I work is round the corner from a school and a lunchtime the kids wud throw stuff at my bosses window and he wud chase them. One day they done it and he got in his car and drove round to the school and took pictures of the school kids and one told a teacher who phoned the police. The police came to our work and told him to stop because he could get done for being a pedohile so he told them he was a pedophile because he said that wen it went to court he would find out who was throwing stuff at his window. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Half A Person Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 The place I work is round the corner from a school and a lunchtime the kids wud throw stuff at my bosses window and he wud chase them. One day they done it and he got in his car and drove round to the school and took pictures of the school kids and one told a teacher who phoned the police. The police came to our work and told him to stop because he could get done for being a pedohile so he told them he was a pedophile because he said that wen it went to court he would find out who was throwing stuff at his window. That'll teach the lil' blighters! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raith Against The Machine Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 The place I work is round the corner from a school and a lunchtime the kids wud throw stuff at my bosses window and he wud chase them. One day they done it and he got in his car and drove round to the school and took pictures of the school kids and one told a teacher who phoned the police. The police came to our work and told him to stop because he could get done for being a pedohile so he told them he was a pedophile because he said that wen it went to court he would find out who was throwing stuff at his window. I love this post. Mainly because it reads like an excerpt from a Primary 2 student's News jotter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Half A Person Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 I love this post.Mainly because it reads like an excerpt from a Primary 2 student's News jotter. 'I heard your dad went into a restaurant and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant. ...' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephen1877 Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 I dont like you because you made fun of me and I started crying and ran away because ur bad and made me cry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juan Sara Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 A guy who was a year above me at school I ended up working on site with him - SMELLY c**t! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raith Against The Machine Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 I dont like you because you made fun of me and I started crying and ran away because ur bad and made me cry. I like it when people take things in the manner they were intended. It makes me happy. I also like ice cream, and sweeties, and chocolate and toys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madmitch Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 My all time favourite workplace moment involved this arrogant arse who worked with us. I could write a thread on stories of his unbridled arrogance. He had a plethora of endearing qualities. Conceited, lazy, bully just begins to tell the story. While his wife was pregnant he was shagging this not very classy younger woman who also worked with us. You know the type, look ok until they open their mooth. Anyway they regularly snuck off at lunchtime for a bit of bare arsed boxing. One lunchtime as they not very subtly re-appeared at the office together , a colleague was heard to announce to the whole office (about 12 of us). Don't you find it strange that they go out for their lunch hour and still have to eat their lunch when they get back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonofjenova Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Not really "work" as such...in my Software Evaluation lecture today the lecturer was discussing the merits of the GQM model (as you do) when a sharp, piercing "OWWWWW" broke his flow. We scoured to room to find the perpetrator...who immediately made himself known..."sorry, my pen went in my ear, huurgh huurgh huurgh!" It was, of course, the class idiot, who managed to fail his exams in first year with single-figure marks. Cock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDoctor Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Anyway they regularly snuck off at lunchtime for a bit of bare arsed boxing. How have I not heard this term before? It's a belter!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ally's honest man Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 The fanny that "works" across from me has now trumped even his own stupidity with this genius comment:"See when you get a pancake ken? Which side are you meant to put butter on cos there's a right and a wrong side eh?" Stupid c**t. I always tend to butter the top side cos if you butter the bottom it goes all over your fingers when you try to eat it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StMirren1987 Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 I assume the previous thread on this has been killed in the Great Purge?I used to work with several beauts back in Inverness. One was a guy who was a kind of squat fat chap who claimed to have spina bifida so got work to buy him a super-duper chair with buttons and stuff. Obviously when we were nights we snaffled it and took turns to race aroundthe place on it. Eventually he cottoned onto this and from then on got the security guard to lock it away at nights. He also used to carry one of those iron briefcase things to work and if he wasn't working he'd open it on his desk and rummage around in it, slamming it shut if he heard someone come near him. Once a team leader from our shift opened it when he was on his break and it was full of food packaging and sweetie papers He must have noticed that his briefcase was out of position (think the penguin in Misery) so he sent an email to everyonein the team saying that he was very disappointed and that if anyone wanted to look in his briefcase we should just ask him. He also used to come into work insanely early, like six hours before his shift was due to start and just sat around. He was bizarrely keen and seemed to think this would do him good in his career. However, it didn't mainly because the manager of the place had to tell him to stop it as his 18 hour a day stints were threatening the insurance. His career prospects were probably more harmed by the fact that his ex girlfriend worked in theupstairs office and she had a restraining order against him due to the fact that he stalked her after they split up. This meant that he missed out on training coursesand couldn't apply for any promotions as most of the interviews were done upstairs. How staying in the office for a ridiculous ammount of time would make his employers forget that they had a loon on the staff is beyond me. He was thick as horseshit anyway. Another favourite was Neil, a guy I worked with after getting a promotion of sorts. Neil was an older guy, most of the people there were in their early 20's. He was about 45 and when I first joined the team he was pretty quiet but he was always keen on a night out. This was because he had a drink problem. He wouldn't drink all the time but if he got started he didn't finish for days/weeks/months. He took a holiday once and didn't come back to work for four or five months. The company couldn't contact him and after a month or so sentthe police round to check he wasn't dead. He admitted he had 'a problem' and was allowed back. That's when the fun really began. When he came back he was quite different, he was obviously on medication to control his urges towards drinking and it turned him into a walking comedy sketch. He would jive across the office, call everyone man and constantly, I mean constantly, hum to himself. I used to sit next to him and it was like sitting next to a radio constantly tuned to Jazz FM. "Dooo bee doo doo doo bap doo wop doo waaaah" for every second of the 8 hour shift. He would also talk/sing to himself about what he was doing, as Swampy remembers. So if it was his week doing the morning reports you'd get "doo bee doo be dobeee, ahh'mmm doooooin the morning report, doop doo dee waaah". Eventually he'd take things that were said or mentioned and work them into his routine. So if someone said "Who's coming fro lunch? I fancy a sandwich" you'd get about 30 seconds later "Lunchy lunchy woo beee doooo". This was noticed and we'd deliberately mentioning things completely out of context to get them into his songs. One notable occasion was when a mate of mine stood up apropos of nothing and said very loudly "GLOVES" and sat down. Thirty seconds later "gloves, wooo hoo dop yeah, gloves yeahh" Neil eventually left, the company gave him an ace reference to get rid of him. On one of his drinking benders (which continued despite his treatment) he saw our line manager shopping with his wife and kids and followed him around Tesco shouting abuse, probably like thisL "dooo bee doo deee doo you are a c**toooo". Best one on this whole thread Still laughing at this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAFC Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Working with a bunch of strange people at the moment. The boss basically doesn't want to be there and to add to my woes I know he never wanted me there in the first place as I knew the other candidate was interviewed for my position and he told me that he was offered the job but asked for too much money. So he relishes trying to make my job and ultimately my life as awkward as possible, I have been off for a week with a stress related illness already... Infront of the general manager (who overruled him on taking the other guy on) he threatened that he would end up punching me and has also called me various other obscenities to my face infront of other colleagues including managers. Our department hasn't had a meeting in two years and the only person he talks to is his sychopantic pet who also (through encouragement from him) likes to try and make a fool out of me and try to catch me out all the time by pointing out pedantic mistakes. The job is actually okay but these clowns are unbearable and usually have a go at some stage every day. I spoke to them about it weeks ago and I was told that it would change, since then nothing has and I am now forced to take notes and keep a diary of all events. I think the most frustrating thing is that most people within the organisation don't know what is going on and see me looking pissed off and draw their own wrong conclusions. They are sick twisted fuckers and I have never worked with anyone like them and hope nobody else has to experience this kind of behaviour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ally's honest man Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Working with a bunch of strange people at the moment.The boss basically doesn't want to be there and to add to my woes I know he never wanted me there in the first place as I knew the other candidate was interviewed for my position and he told me that he was offered the job but asked for too much money. So he relishes trying to make my job and ultimately my life as awkward as possible, I have been off for a week with a stress related illness already... Infront of the general manager (who overruled him on taking the other guy on) he threatened that he would end up punching me and has also called me various other obscenities to my face infront of other colleagues including managers. Our department hasn't had a meeting in two years and the only person he talks to is his sychopantic pet who also (through encouragement from him) likes to try and make a fool out of me and try to catch me out all the time by pointing out pedantic mistakes. The job is actually okay but these clowns are unbearable and usually have a go at some stage every day. I spoke to them about it weeks ago and I was told that it would change, since then nothing has and I am now forced to take notes and keep a diary of all events. I think the most frustrating thing is that most people within the organisation don't know what is going on and see me looking pissed off and draw their own wrong conclusions. They are sick twisted fuckers and I have never worked with anyone like them and hope nobody else has to experience this kind of behaviour. Maybe you should try explaining how you feel to your boss ( in a dark alley with a bat) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDoctor Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Working with a bunch of strange people at the moment.The boss basically doesn't want to be there and to add to my woes I know he never wanted me there in the first place as I knew the other candidate was interviewed for my position and he told me that he was offered the job but asked for too much money. So he relishes trying to make my job and ultimately my life as awkward as possible, I have been off for a week with a stress related illness already... Infront of the general manager (who overruled him on taking the other guy on) he threatened that he would end up punching me and has also called me various other obscenities to my face infront of other colleagues including managers. Our department hasn't had a meeting in two years and the only person he talks to is his sychopantic pet who also (through encouragement from him) likes to try and make a fool out of me and try to catch me out all the time by pointing out pedantic mistakes. The job is actually okay but these clowns are unbearable and usually have a go at some stage every day. I spoke to them about it weeks ago and I was told that it would change, since then nothing has and I am now forced to take notes and keep a diary of all events. I think the most frustrating thing is that most people within the organisation don't know what is going on and see me looking pissed off and draw their own wrong conclusions. They are sick twisted fuckers and I have never worked with anyone like them and hope nobody else has to experience this kind of behaviour. No job's worth that and although I'm against violence, Ally's advice is a good shout Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deco Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 I agree with the above. DAFC - you should NEVER need to put up with that. If I were you I'd begin applying for new jobs immediately and when you manage to find one, that's when you go to town with your current boss and give him what for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 The fanny that "works" across from me has now trumped even his own stupidity with this genius comment:"See when you get a pancake ken? Which side are you meant to put butter on cos there's a right and a wrong side eh?" Stupid cunt. Is it wrong that I know what he's talking about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebanda's Handyman Services Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 "GLOVES". Easily one of the funniest things I've read on P&B. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayrgirl Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 Because of this thread I have had to put up with Monster dancing in the aisles of Morrisons singing "doo-bee doo-bee doo you are a cuntooo" this morning. Thanks a fucking lot P&B Gold. Embarrassment doesn't begin to describe how I felt. At one point he was adding "doo-bee doo-bee doo let's get some cerealooo". We kept meeting the same woman as we shopped and he said "that lady finds it funny". You mean the one who thinks I'm shopping with the "SPECIAL?". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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