[Things you want to share with P&B]

I've just shut the kitchen doors and will wait til my mum gets back from work

Not only are you a complete shandy for running scared of a crow, you've locked a flying bit of vermin in yer maws kitchen.

She's gonnae kick you in the pie.

[Eastenders....]

was enraged by the over-use of the crippled one this evening, so much so that I shouted "offer the ride, he's obviously forgotten that he's fucked fae the waist doon min!"

Libby rightly becoming embarrassed to hang about with a rubber-legger with attitude, about fucking time.

[Things you want to share with P&B]

Get yersel' a pair of Adidas Rod Lavers.

DCs - ye sound like a bunch of poooooooooooooooooooooooooooves.

[Things you want to share with P&B]

Oh God, yes! At our Primary school at least, it was the "in" look and there were those huge f**k-off trainers called D2s or something stupid like that.

In my day is was eclipse jeans/dungarees or fruit of the loom/kickers jumpers, then later burberry check trousers (yes I had them) and rockports.

f**k aye.

[Things you want to share with P&B]

Does anyone remember about 8-9 years back when the latest fad was to have a "chain" attached to your jeans?

I've just found my old "chain". I feel utterly ashamed that I was ever seen in public with a bike component draped from my trousers

Was that not mainly a 'skater' thing, along with the huge stupid trainers?

[Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...]

As the home nation are playing tonight I'd like to think you are correct.

When the lad from Cool Runnings lashed that baw in the top corner it's been the only time during the tournament in which I've been properly entertained.

[Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...]

Agreed. Even Brazil were rank apart from their second goal.

f**k they weren't that good mate, brutal.

Fingers crossed for at least a bit atmosphere in tonights game.

[Things you want to share with P&B]

I do hope you perverts realise that you're leaving DNA evidence behind.

Even better that they need to root about yer poop parade to find out who you are.

[Things you want to share with P&B]

I take it your talking from experience when you say shat on someones garden?

Nowt like someone scourned opening there curtains on a fresh dewy morning........."whits that on my lawn wi steam comin' aff it?"

[Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...]

Yes

Oft.

Play through the pain barrier, Stuart Pearce style.*

*I'd like to clarify I've never seen Stuart Pearce w**k (with or without broken arm)

[Things you want to share with P&B]

This is the wan. Im only 13 you see

I was getting pished and shitting on ex-burds lawn when I was knee high to a grasshopper - bloody youth of today!

[Things you want to share with P&B]

Just been dumped.

Get pissed, makes moves on her pals, shite on her lawn and by the end of the week you'll have forgotten who the fat cow is.

[Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...]

2 days into 6-8 weeks off and i am bored as f**k already

It is not really hurting with the full cast on.

Is it yer wanking arm min?

[Things you want to share with P&B]

Your cock makes women feel ashamed?

I think he means porn stars find it a shame about his cock.

[Things you want to share with P&B]

That's the dream situation.

All this quiet night in stuff is for pussies. And gays.

I especially hate the getting to know the guy that's dating your mates sister, maybe have a few cans and scout him out, see what type of lad he is. f**k THAT! get wired right intae him with a blade, you can get to know him whilst he is in intensive care.

[Things you want to share with P&B]

All the best night out involve violence, everyone knows that.

Not just violence, but violence with a deadly weapon - booya!

[Things you want to share with P&B]

Grow a pair.

Pete is right, if you'd fucked the nut in him and:

a) tried to stab him with a toothbrush (if house party - although this bodes more questions as to why your sharing a bog with a dude).

b) de-breaked him and pushed him into the piss pit and start shouting "pishy bath, pishy bath!!"

c) gave him a wet willy and fish hooked the fucker.

d) walked out the bogs - grabbed the microphone off the DJ and offered "any c**t fae the shit hole neighbourhood ootside for a square go. If there is mare than five of you c***s, form an orderly queue."

You'd have got a text yesterday saying she loves you and would you give her it in the shitter.

[Things you want to share with P&B]

Got pinned up against a bathroom wall by my other half's, big brother's over-protective pals last night and got threatened that I'd get stabbed if I ever went into Whitlaeburn again - I actually thought at one point that I was going to get beat-up. Good night though and I surprisingly don't have a hangover this morning. I got a text from my girlfriend this morning saying that her family all love me, so that's bloody excellent.

They sound a hoot - I'd bin the boot.

[Eastenders....]

Fatboy wi fanny fright, innit.

[Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...]

Rape is always a last resort.

Rhypnol being a first resort of course.

[Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...]

She isn't my burd, and a few folk on here have seen her so, eh, naw.

Ok, she's just a mate, however you are gonnae finger her eh?

[Eastenders....]

Why is the minky wee scrote with the bad hair squatting in Beale's flat? is he fucking stig of the dump.

[Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...]

Red Stripe.

Coolest can EVER, even Ad Lib would look cool necking some red stripe, in my youth I owned a red stripe t-shirt. Big pimpin'.

[Things you want to share with P&B]

Virgin bashing has reached new levels in recent hours.

Gie them piece.

True, he could be a poof.

[Things you want to share with P&B]

You've fingered some pussy though or something haven't you?

Word round the water-cooler is that he didn't wash his hand for 34 days after fingering fat Gemma from accounts.