TheLip69

Not quite, the deal for £1 was on the proviso that the buyer could prove he had the cash to pay off Lloyds. Whyte mortgaged the season tickets got the cash from Ticketus and showed Murray the statement showing the cash from Ticketus. Deal gets done, with Murray, we suppose, none the wiser as to how Whyte had raised th cash. In other words Whyte mortgaged part of the club, which was not his to mortgage, to convince Murray he had the wherewithal to do the deal.

I woke the wife up howling at that one. LOL

Fan ownership Good one!

Homemade Vegetable Soup. Homemade Steak Pie, filled with rump steak and big beef sausages with a flaky pastry topping. Peas, steeped overnight and boiled to within an inch of their lives on the day. Mashed potatoes Roast Potatoes Carrots. Strawberries, Mackies Ice Cream, homemade meringues, and fresh double cream. Biscuits and Cheese. Been farting for Scotland since 7 O'Clock

I did forget one classic from the missus though, one of the male nurses she worked with was gay and he had gone out one friday afternoon and got his nipple pierced. He was on nighshift with my wife that night, and had shown her the piercing, a ring through his nipple, and complained about the pain he was in. As luck would have it we were all meeting up for a drink on the Saturday night, and as he walked into the bar with his partner, and greeted everyone, my wife unfortunately still fairly sober asked him fairly loudly "How's your ring, still nipping like mad?" the silence was broken only by me choking on a mouthful of beer.

put

I used to visit my granny on a Saturday afternoon. I arrived one day and she was waiting for the engineer to come and fix her telly. He got there just shortly after me and asked her what was wrong with it. She said, "I think it's the tyre" He looked at her then looked at me and I just shrugged my shoulders. He took the back off the telly and had a look then turned to my gran and said; "Yer tubes gone, hen" "Aye" she said "I knew it was something to do with a bike" In fairness my granny was renowned for that kind of thing, I remember she was in our house one night as my dad and I were watching the football. She was getting exasperated trying to remember the name of this woman she had met at the bingo, and describing her to my mum. It was really annoying her that my mum didn't have a clue, "Oh for goodness sake Ellen you must know her, you were at school with her daughter, she lived in Blackwoods Crescent, married the wee fella McDonald, think for God's sake" and my dad said "Is it that wee Mrs McDonald?" My Granny let a scream out of her and said "Thats' it, brilliant Joe, Do you know her?" then slapped my mother on the arm and said "How come he knows her and you dont?" I was rolling about the floor in tears and my Gran just thought I was mental.

Currently re-reading A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole, magnificent. Ignatius J Reilly is the man.